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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be scared of being home alone

47 replies

TellyTubby123 · 21/09/2012 13:21

I am absolutely petrified of being home alone, especially at night. My partner sometimes works away and I just hate being home alone. We recently moved from the city out to the countryside and live in a secluded location which has made my fears even worse. At least when I lived in our old terraced house in the city my neighbours were just the other side of the wall which I found comforting, although I was still a bit scared!

When I'm home alone I can't relax or sleep well - everytime I hear a sound I jump. We have a burglar alarm which I set when I go to bed and I do think our house is secure, with good locks on all the doors and double glazing etc. The crime rate where we live is below the national average too so it's not like I'm living in a very dangerous area or anything.

I'm fine when my partner is at home, and I've tried to rationalise my fears by telling myself that if armed raiders attack our house my partner probably wouldn't be able to do much anyway.......So does it really make much difference whether he is there or not?!

Am I being completely crazy and irrational? Does anyone else have the same fears? Any tips on overcoming my fears would be much appreciated.

OP posts:

BlueSkySinking · 21/09/2012 16:56

have a bolt on my bedroom which must help me mentally

BlueSkySinking · 21/09/2012 16:57

also get to know your neigbours and get their numbers.

squeakytoy · 21/09/2012 16:58

One great tip that my mum and dad always used, put a tin lid on top of the door handles. The first thing any burglar would do is try to see if a door is unlocked. The slightest movement on the handle will dislodge the tin lid and it will clatter down, and that is normally enough of a deterrant.

Original poster

TellyTubby123 · 21/09/2012 18:25

Thanks for everyone's replies so far, it's good to know I'm not alone and not crazy for feeling this way. I will think about getting a lock on the bedroom door as that might help me to feel more secure so that's a good suggestion. I just worry that my partner thinks I'm irrational he doesn't seem to get scared at all, but I guess that's usual for men!

OP posts:

RuleBritannia · 21/09/2012 19:33

TellyTubby
Be thankful that your partner does at least come home sometimes. Some of us had husbands who will never come home again thanks to the grim reaper

MidoriKobayashi · 21/09/2012 20:19

I used to take a kitchen knife upstairs and leave it on my bedside table when I stayed alone in my parents' house , I'm sure some people think that's weird but it but it did make me feel safer.

solidgoldbrass · 21/09/2012 20:22

You bunch of WUSSES! Unless you actually have a crack dealer on either side and an unquiet cemetary across the road there is nothing to worry about.

lovebunny · 21/09/2012 22:16

for goodness sake, don't get a dog! i looked after a dog for a fortnight as a teenager, and the flipping thing scared me to death - she was always 'seeing' things that weren't there, and barking at them.

get a security system, spare phones etc.

Sparrows12 · 21/09/2012 23:19

When I'm on my own, I leave the dogs downstairs as barricade number one, and then I build a second barricade - using at least a chair and a washing basket - to block the bedroom door. Then I can sleep. What harm does it do if it makes me happy....? I wouldn't worry about it - perfectly normal - and harmless in the grand scheme of things,

Notcontent · 21/09/2012 23:51

You are not alone OP.
When I was a teenager and in my early 20s, still living at home, I refused to stay alone overnight if my parents were going away.

Later I lived in flats and I was ok with that. When I moved to a terrace house, that was one of my worries.... The fact that I can sometimes hear my neighbours is quite comforting.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 22/09/2012 00:20

solidgoldbrass I do live across the road from a cemetery - so far, I'm not sure if it's unquiet, but until I make further enquiries I prefer to err on the side of caution. I also live on the site of a Roman burial ground, and if you've seen any Hollywood films you'll know burial grounds aren't to be trifled with

SiSiTD · 22/09/2012 13:46

YANBU - Imaginations are great things , but not when home alone at night. I can remember the first night I spent on my own, with the dog, as a teenager.

The dog was of no help, she became super protective as she knew it was only me in the house and insisted on the bedroom curtains being open so that she could sit on the window sill and look out over the road - she barked at EVERYTHING, and scared me half to death.

As an adult I've learnt to rationalise my fears. Home invasions to cause personal harm are incredibly rare, what good would my DP do if he was here, if someone does come into the house to steal I'll just feign sleep until they leave. I will now happily leave the back door open whilst I'm awake to allow that cats to come and go as they please and put the bins out when home alone.

I hope you can over come your fears.

Alb2015x · 10/09/2015 15:10

Hope I'm in the right place. I feel so stupid.
My problem is one of many. I'm scared of being at home on my own, I'm scared of going out by myself, I'm scared of going out then having to re-enter the house by myself, which makes going out alone impossible. I'm scared of speaking to people, and of what people think of me. I am a mother to a 3 year old, and pregnant! My partner has just got a job so I'm alone all day by myself with my son, he gives me the courage to walk around the house and be brave because I have to. Once I come downstairs, I can't go back up until my partner returns from work. I can't shower or bath until he comes back home, I can't answer the door, and as I have stated, I can't go out. I feel trapped in myself, I feel so low, not confident and overall like I should not be a mother or a human because I'm so soft. My boy has to start nursery soon, and I know he will love it, but I can't, for the life of me, step out the front door and re enter again. How am I going to take him to nursery when I haven't the strength to make myself do it. It's stupid I know. I'm terrified of people hurting me, I often think of stupid thoughts, yet the fear of someone killing me is still ruling my life. I have no friends and no family were I am, just me, my partner, and my son and bump. So I am all alone, my partner doesn't understand how I feel. I find it hard to be happy, often crying threw out the day, and trying to smile at night. I love my family with all my heart, there not the problem, its me! I really need to speak to someone properly, but talking to strangers is obviously, a no go for me! I'm stuck in a hole that I can't get out of. Im not really sure why I'm posting here, maybe hearing someone else who's like me would help a little I'm not sure. One day I hope to change! I need to change!

sparechange · 10/09/2015 15:13

Alb, you need to go and see your GP
How long have you suffered from anxiety?

Alb2015x · 10/09/2015 15:16

For as long as I can remember, I'm 21. I used to be a confident person, scared, but confident, but all that's gone. I know I do however I just can't get myself to do it.

StormCoat · 10/09/2015 15:26

Alb, absolutely go and see your GP. Do it for your children, if not for you. You deserve more from life than continual fear, and they deserve a mother who can cope with the leaving the house. I know it's difficult, but I suspect mist of us have at one time or other forced ourselves to something 'impossible' for our children's sake.

OP, I was going to ask what it is you're actually so scared of, but it seems from subsequent lists, you're simoly frightened of a break-in, rather than, say, ghosts or falling ill when alone.

Would it help to tackle the fears rationally by doing something like having the local police come and do a security check (ours do) or researching local break-in statistics?

Lyndsey199898 · 27/08/2019 04:28

Any advice been at home alone before but I keep.hearing noises but I have locked all my doors and windows it's my parents house and they are on holiday what can I do to help me feel safe

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 27/08/2019 05:39

I know most of you bash America because of shootings and believe me it terrifies me also. There should be very strict gun laws here in the states. That said...this is one of the reasons I own a gun. It is locked away and I have never had to use it I pray I never have to but it's a comfort knowing I can protect myself and my family if I ever had to. I would get a very large dog if I were you. Find a way to afford a pet as soon as you can.

Vikingess · 27/08/2019 14:06

FFS grow up!

dollydaydream114 · 27/08/2019 14:14

@Alb2015x - your problem is a world away from what the OP is describing. You are really unwell and you need proper help. Please, please try to see your GP and tell them everything you've told us here - ask your partner to go with you if you're frightened to go on your own. You have agoraphobia and severe anxiety and you deserve better than this. Medication could really help you and so could proper therapy.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 27/08/2019 14:24

When I lived with my boyfriend, I used to feel exactly the same - if he was away for the night, I would feel anxious and on edge. I used to think that I could never live by myself, and feel secretly ashamed of being such a baby.

Now I do live by myself. And, weirdly, I never feel afraid. I don't know why - the only thing I can think of is that the feeling of being "safe" that I used to only feel about my bedroom has somehow extended to encompass the whole house, as if the whole house is as much "mine" as my bedroom used to feel.

That, and being extremely careful about not watching horror films, or reading true crime stuff. Filling your head with all that fear is exciting and ghoulishly fascinating in the moment, but it comes back to haunt you and you'll regret it.

Basketofkittens · 27/08/2019 15:24

I’m more scared of ghosts as my building is 250 years old and an old hospital!

I’m less scared of humans as we have a huge wall, a gate and 24 hour security guards. Even then I sometimes can’t sleep at night.

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