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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect DD(6)'s friend to eat breakfast?

41 replies

lovelyladuree · 21/09/2012 11:14

My friend works shifts in a care home, and I help her out with child care with her DD(6) when she needs it. Never more than an hour before school. My DD is in the same class as her. This child has issues with eating. She is obese. Letters have been sent home to her parents and they have had meetings at the surgery. Everyone is trying to support them, including me, but they are not helping themselves or her. She was here this morning for breakfast, and I gave her a huge choice of food; cereals, toast, eggs, fruit (fresh & tinned), and brioche rolls. She asked for one brioche roll with Nutella and some milk. Fine. My DD had the same, but when I put the plates on the table, the girl said ' I don't like Nutella'. FFS. So, grinding teeth, I offered her something else, and she asked for a Twix 'cos that's what I have at home and Grandad's'. Then she wouldn't drink her milk until I made it into a milkshake, with a straw. So, she went to school with a little milk in her belly (and no Twix!). My friend is clearly just feeding her DD whatever she wants and the older she gets, the worse the situation is becoming. Or AIBU?

OP posts:

Icelollycraving · 21/09/2012 11:16

Poor kid :(
I have a feeling you may get a hard time on this thread.

nokidshere · 21/09/2012 11:16

Offer her whatever you are having at your house and no alternatives. And leave her home life and parents to the professionals.

LadySybildeChocolate · 21/09/2012 11:17

Of course you're not being unreasonable, that's a shit breakfast for a child to eat. She needs something nutritious, it's a long time from supper to lunch. It does make you wonder what she eats at home, doesn't it?

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 11:19

I don't care one iota what other people's kids eat or drink when they are with me - I offer food and if they don't eat it then I really couldn't give a flying fig because they are not my concern.

OP offer breakfast and leave the other issues to the professionals as nok said.

Trills · 21/09/2012 11:20

Have you tried talking to your friend about it?

A 6 year old might say that they'd have Twix, doesn't mean they actually would.

Asmywhimsytakesme · 21/09/2012 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 11:20

I mean that what other people's kids eat is not my concern not that I don't care about them when in my care.

lola88 · 21/09/2012 11:20

YANBU i would worry about what she's eating ok your not her mum it's not her business but theres not many people who could send a child to school with nothing and not worry about it.

ZeldaUpNorth · 21/09/2012 11:21

I dont live in the best area, and often see kids on their way to school with a packet of crisps and/or chocolate bar. Maybe they had something "proper" in the house, but somehow i doubt it. I felt bad just letting dd2 walk to school with a scone,butter and jam (were running late) never mind a flaming twix!

aldiwhore · 21/09/2012 11:21

I feel for the child, and for you as she is in your care. No you cannot expect her to eat breakfast when all she's used to is a twix, all you can do is try and hope she'll discover how much better she'd feel with something more substantial. Keep trying.

Not keen on brioche for breakfast, with nutella. All very sweet. But I'm not an expert!

I think the only thing you can do, is offer low fat high slow release eneryfoods. And when I say offer, that's all you put on the table, there's no choice involved.

My eldest was over weight, I removed all choice, he was given wholegrain toast and egg, unsweetend cereal, fruit, yoghurts... (a combination of). He didn't want to eat it at first, as it wasn't what he fancied. But he eats it now, the lack of choice has been a relief to him I think. (My youngest is underweight, grrr, so he requires high fat/cal food - poor kids wish they could swap sometimes!!)

I think you're in a tricky situation where you only have limited power and understand your angst.

LadySybildeChocolate · 21/09/2012 11:21

I disagree with some of the comments on here, 'it takes a village to raise a child' and all that.

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 11:24

Lady yes, I do agree to an extent but forcing a child to eat a breakfast is not up to me - that's something the parents can do if they so wish - it's not my place to make a child eat. I would mention it to the mum and just say I was slightly concerned that x doesn't want breakfast and leave it at that.

DeWe · 21/09/2012 11:25

That's not really eating breakfast debate. That's eating something reasonable for breakfast.

I wouldn't as a general rule be offering brioche with Nutella for breakfast, cause to me that's over sweet. I slightly struggle with letting them have jam on their toast, because I prefer them to have something less sweet. But them my dc love porridge which I think is grey, boring and revolting.

LadySybildeChocolate · 21/09/2012 11:25

The OP wasn't trying to force the child to eat though.

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 11:28

Oh I know, but what's the alternative, the kid didn't want to eat and so what's she going to do, force her to eat? Hopefully not.

Original poster

lovelyladuree · 21/09/2012 11:28

Thanks for your replies. I know that as a family they do live on junk food. And I know it isn't my place to police the child's food and I am not judging them. But the child is HUGE. Massively obese. The kids in class have started whispering and they have had talks about bullying and appearances. I have begged my daughter not to be drawn into any conversations like that because I really don't want to fall out with anyone. The parents are furious about the whispering but cannot see that they are the ultimate cause. The child is completely spoilt.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 11:29

Oh dear that's so sad

Original poster

lovelyladuree · 21/09/2012 11:32

Believe me, the child doesn't need to be forced to eat. It would just be nice to see her eat something which isn't a Twix. Her mum will buy her a kingsize one on the way home tonight.

OP posts:

LadySybildeChocolate · 21/09/2012 11:33

RaisinDEtre · 21/09/2012 11:35

Oh dear, it all sounds quite tricky

wrt breakfast, I think you could cut down on choices (offer say cereal/toast and butter/boiled egg and that's it) and ''not have'' any milkshake mix in the house

If the child choses to go to school with no breakfast, what can you do?

PS can you elaborate about the child being completely spoilt?

RaisinDEtre · 21/09/2012 11:35

oh, x posts

Startailoforangeandgold · 21/09/2012 11:36

All you can do is offer a reasonable choice or nothing.
You certainly don't have to offer chocolate.

Unfortunately DD2 would ask for a milkshake and a straw

She hates milk, has never drank any in her entire 11 years (BF forever and breast milk is sweet). milk shakes and hot chocolate are a recent and very welcome addition, to DD2's rather frustrating food list.

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 11:37

Sorr OP but there isn't that much difference between brioche and Nutella and a Twix

wannabedomesticgoddess · 21/09/2012 11:38

When I was around this age I went for a sleepover at a friend of my mums house as her DD was the same age as me.

When we woke up in the morning the DD walked straight into the kitchen, switched on the kettle and took two pot noodles from the cupboard.

I was as 1) I would never have been allowed to help myself to food at home never mind boil the kettle, and 2) pot noodle for breakfast?

Her mum was always asking my mum how she kept my weight down etc but to this day the DD is still morbidly obese and has had various serious health issues due to it.

Its sad. But really, for some families they cannot make the connection between poor nutrition and obesity.

QuangleWangleQuee · 21/09/2012 11:40

Yes I'd put out cereal/toast and butter/boiled egg, I'd probably put out marmalade, jam, nutella that she could have on the toast if she wanted. Otherwise i would have thought choc chip brioche would be better than nothing.

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