to think it's naff to ....

[Challenger]

leave flowers where someone has died? I know it's supposed to be a mark of respect but it's a new thing, isn't it? Half the time, they are left by people who did not know the deceased.

It was a spectacular statement when Princess Diana died but there was more to it then, I think. The demonstration by the population then was to get a reaction from the Queen.

The bunches just get in the way, they die and have to be cleared away by someone else. Their wrapping is just litter. Flowers should still be growing to look their most beautiful.

Whatever makes the famies/friends feel better.

I'm very fortunate to have never been in that situation so don't think I'm in a place to jugge

I think it's distracting to drivers when done at the roadside, I think they should be removed.

Much is made of this in Ben Elton's book Blind Faith.

Naff?

You're nice.

But then I suppose you're after a reaction.

With Princess Di I believe they collected a lot of them up and donated them to hospital. I think some people just need a place to mark their loss. It's odd though in some ways, you don't mark the spot for a non-public place, do you? I wonder why it's different with accidental deaths in public places?

I personally wouldn't do it, it always seems odd that people will mark the spot someone died in an accident but they don't leave flowers outside the hospital door if someone dies in there.

Having said that I do think flowers are a waste of money and I'd much rather donate a cash equivalent to a charity the deceased liked other than pay towards a florists new car.

Oh and while my pregnancy hormones are flaring i also don't see the point in paying to put notifications in newspapers either, fair enough for the immediate family to post one saying the person has died and when the funeral is but sometimes there is a whole column of separate ads from various relatives.

Yes, it's distracting to drivers when they are on roads where there had been a fatal road accident. In a residential area, there will be a crowd around them, stepping into the road because there's not enough room on the pavement for people and flowers.

I think people do it because they've seen it being done on television. I wonder if the news media encourage it to be done to get something more out of the situation?

At my son's funeral, I stipulated no flowers because they should be growing not cut just to look pretty somewhere else. I know they die anyway but .........

Cross posts with dogs to some extent.

The paper announcements can be helpful to people who wouldn't necessarily hear otherwise. I work in a hospital and when we've looked after someone several times or for a long time we like to know what happened to them (even if it seems quite morbid!). It's especially nice when they thank the ward by name :)

I haven't done it for anyone I haven't known but each to their own.

I did lay flowers near to where my son died. I'm not sure why. It was a blur.

Yes I do think its naff but if it helps others then so be it. So long as its something they genuinly feel (will be a help that is).

I think that after Diana grief has become something that is done in public so much more than in the past, but we have become a much more a 'look at me' generation. There are those that grieve without bringing attention to themselves then there are those that post on FB and suchlike. Neither is right or wrong but for mt personally grief IS a private thing.

I think there is a fashion to be seen to be grieving, but just because you arnt posting stuff on F/B and laying flowers at lamposts doesnt mean you have forgotten

I don't get it either, though I can't say it bothers me. I lost someone in a road traffic accident and never felt the need to visit the site of the accident, let alone need flowers there. I like to remember my loved ones as they were when they were alive, not how they must have been at the point of their deaths. But each to their own.

I used to feel the same way until I lost a friend in a car crash and now the place where he died is significant to me and it was comforting to see the tributes that were left in the days afterwards. I can't really rationalise it, and I still cringe at public outpourings of grief for celebrities so I think I'm on the fence about the overall issue!

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange and usualsuspect3

Yes, but you were laying flowers for people very close to you and, of course, I understand that. You didn't lay flowers for someone you'd never met or heard of before. A grave is a proper place to take flowers because it is a personal place and Everlong's laying of flowers was another so personal time.

Even the Police take the flowers from the donors to place where the others are. Surely, they have more important things to do?

Its not a new thing.

Not something I would do, although I don't know that as never lost anyone that way who's that close.

It doesn't offend me, so long as the flowers aren't wrapped (which they often are, there's nothing poigniant about a £3.99 sticker on celophane) and it doesn't make you think.

I find it sad more than anything, and relieved its not me.

YABU even if I agree with some of your points in general. YABU mostly because you think a grave is where flowers should be placed? I don't find any comfort or remembrance in graves, I HATE graves, should I not place flowers anywhere? I leave some for my Gran under a bridge in Lynmouth, she didn't die there nor is she buried there, but that is our place, my memory and if you started telling me it wasn't appropriate I'd find a new place to put my flowers (with my Granny's approval).

Just leave off the celophane people!!

aldiwhore

Why must they leave the cellophane wrapping? A bank of just flowers would look better than a lot of paper and plastic bags.

I don't think its naff, if there is a tragic death in your community then I think its lovely to show respect by laying flowers. It shows the families/friends that their loved one was important without anyone intruding on their grief and I do think that for a stranger to go and lay flowers on someones grave is maybe too personal.

I think it pre-dates Diana actually. Drive in any Catholic country (Italy for example), and you will see roadside memorials, although these are more permanent than cut flowers.

I don't know, it's just such a personal thing. If it helps those who have been bereaved then I guess that's a good thing.

Two teenagers died in a car crash locally last year. Their graves (in the same grave yard as DH's ashes) are very well maintained and have lots of flowers. But so does the spot where their car crashed. As well as football scarves, etc. I guess the people who care about them pay tribute where they feel most comfortable. Tbh, the "Happy 40th birthday Sarah" (or whatever her name is) sign that's been 50 yards down the road for the last 4 months has annoyed me far more.

there's a memorial near us by the side of the road (motorway) that's quite big and often you see people tending it/ putting new flowers down

the chap from the caaancil mows the grass round it into a heart shape on his ride on mower - makes me

The slang for these things is "cellotaph". Which I think is quite clever.

As they're often at accident black-spots maybe they help to pinpoint areas to be especially careful at.

They're certainly not naff, and neither are the white "ghost bikes" that serve the same purpose where cyclists have been killed.

I honestly don't get the 'it's distracting for other drivers' - seriously, if you are so distracted by some flowers at the side of the road that you cause an accident yourself, you shouldn't really be on the road in the first place!

What's a white ghost bike Ruby? I've not heard of that?

Just googled

But a fitting memorial I think. Plus if it helps prevent further tragedy...

I like this relatively new idea. It's an old idea in Catholic countries. I think it shows respect. It doesn't matter if you didn't know the person. People do it if the death was unexpected, I think. It shows the family that people are thinking of them and not just ignoring the awful news.