to think it's naff to ....

[Challenger]

leave flowers where someone has died? I know it's supposed to be a mark of respect but it's a new thing, isn't it? Half the time, they are left by people who did not know the deceased.

It was a spectacular statement when Princess Diana died but there was more to it then, I think. The demonstration by the population then was to get a reaction from the Queen.

The bunches just get in the way, they die and have to be cleared away by someone else. Their wrapping is just litter. Flowers should still be growing to look their most beautiful.

YABU. You don't, obviously , and I wouldn't. But it doesn't mean it is 'naff' for others to do so, if they think it's the right thing to do.

One of my colleagues died two and a half weeks ago. We work in a university and staff and students have left flowers for her outside. I've liked it a lot, it's heart felt, it's comforting to know how much she was loved.

I think part of it is to do with the fact the death was sudden and there was no chance to say goodbye - so people visit the last place they were alive. Very different for most deaths which take place in a private setting.

I don't have an issue with it at all immediately afterwards or on anniversaries. But it can be a but grim when it drags on for months or even years. There's a teenager who's decorated an entire tree in our local park in garish plastic tributes to her friend who died in a crash abroad about two years ago. I do understand why she does it, but it's a horribly morbid thing to have to walk past every day.

I've always seen it as have - but we're Catholics My mum leaves flowers every once in a while at the spot where she was involved in a traffic accident where a friend died. She said she does it because she doesn't like to think of her friend being surrounded by ugly, smelly cars all the time - so she leaves some flowers .

Arabellasmella

Loved? Or just liked? It's all OTT.

I drive to work past a tree which a young woman fatally collided with several years ago. It always has beautiful artificial flowers tied to it - they change regularly. Every single day I register them and I never knew her, I like to think it brings some comfort to those who did.
They also serve as a caution (sadly she was speeding) and I have shared the reason for them with my teenage son who drives in the hope he will consider his speed on that stretch of road.

Oh dear. We've had threads on this subject before. FWIW I agree with you and would haunt anyone setting up such a "shrine" at the accident scene if I died, but this won't end well.

That's true mo

Two motorcyclists died in a crash a few years ago near me, there are two little angels attached to a fence along with flowers. I always think of them when I drive past.

I'm guessing their family put them there.

I think it's a reminder of the fragility of life and I can understand why people do it. A child dies in a road accident near us and there is a teddy there attached to a lamppost. it isn't hurting anyone and maybe it's a comfort to his family. t certainly makes me think and drive more carefully in general.

When my 16yr old friend fell under a train - we all trooped doen to the station the next day and laid flowers/threw them on the tracks.

His parents said they were overwhelmed (in a good way!) with the outpuring of love that was shown for their DS

I walked past some lovely roses today at the memorial stone of where a bomb went off and killed 13 women and one man.
I don't see any good reason why anyone should have a problem with them being there.

challenger I am with you 100% on the celophane wrapping issue, wherever its left... its made the garden of remembrance look like a land fill in our area (I don't go for me, it doesn't work for me, I take my FIL)

I always feel a bit odd about it , I live a few miles from where Sarah paine was found and I hated driving past seeing the flowers and I admit when ny son died a year or two later it annoyed me that strangers still left flowers for her but some friends that had actually known me and my son couldn't even look me in the eye .

I do think the public outpouring of grief for someone you don't know is an outlet for emotions in yourself you can't face up to .

I do wish instead of crying over someone you never met it would be healthier for all to just knock on the door of the person you do know who is suffering and listen .

But I know that is probably my own grumpiness .

But people want to do something to show they care.

It's the best they can think of.

Flowers seem nice at first, but I agree they whither, and have to be cleared away, which I think is sad in itself.

I don't live to judge other people's reactions to grief, even if it is vastly different to how I would react. Whatever helps them or makes them feel better.

somebody dies in an accident or is murdered people do not know what to say or do so they leave flowers I really don't think its naff tbh I do think sometimes the tributes can be a wee bit over the top but it isn't naff

travelling - I'm so sorry for your loss

And dear god, I hope if I was someone that knew you I would be able to convey my feelings in a sensitive and eloquent way.

But if I didn't - I would hope that flowers would show that I cared somewhat.

I'll shut up now. As I said upthread - I'm in no position to comment.

Hugs to all of you ((((()))))

Thank you cat , I am sure you would have , it just upset me that people would openly grieve about someone they didn't know , which was an awful thing and deserved to be grieved over but don't ignore the people you actually know that are also in pain .

I dont get the floral tributes either. I remember a story a little while ago about a tribute that was left outside a house where someone had died. The house had been burgled, the person who died was the burgular. That is disrespectful to the family whose house the person broke into.

Travelling, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I have also experienced people literally crossing the street to avoid talking to me since DH died and it is extremely hurtful. I think some people are terrified of saying the wrong thing and perhaps making me cry. What they don't realise is that tears are okay - one thing I am not afraid of is crying! (and actually I don't cry that often) A brilliant book about bereavement and how it affects others around you is Tear Soup xx

I saw the floral tribute to Richard Mannington Bowes (about half way down on link below). I think it was far from naff. I think it was a statement that the people in that area did not accept what had gone on and mourned both him and what had happened to their community.

I think a blanket "it is always naff" is not possible.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_2011_England_riots

I was a bit shocked to see flowers by the side of our road though, as I thought I would have heard of a fatality. They were for a cat!

Thank you rindercella , and I am really sorry about your dh , I May well have a look at that book , I can add it to my cheery collection of bereavement books .

They do help , it is good to know you are not the actually going mad sometimes .

a 14 year old boy was stabbed in my area a few days ago. He went to my daughters school. flowers have been left for him where he got stabbed and messages from his school friends, its been a place where people have been able to show their respects and share their sadness.

Its not a new thing is it though. People have been doing it for yonks.