to be hurt by MIL and the way she reacted at me coming back early?

[newmummytobe79]

I make sure my baby see's the inlaws every week.

They have been pushing for more time (it's usually a full afternoon once a week, usually with me there, sometimes not)

Today I had to go shopping for one thing but knew they'd love time on their own with DC so said I'd be around 2 hours.

I got a text to say I could drop off baby earlier - but I had a few things to do so said I wouldnt be early but would bring afternoon tea with me if I was late from shopping.

When I got there I was told how reasonable a long-park carpark was - I got the hint and decided to be longer.

After wandering around on my own for ages (with no shopping spending money except for the essentials!) I decided to go back as I was bored.

It was as if I'd done something dreadful! And I'd sat in the carpark for 15 minutes texting friends to drag the time out.

I just felt so unwelcome :(

I knew they wanted to feed baby so suggested they did. I went to the toilet/made drinks etc so I wasn't 'over-seeing' whilst they fed baby.

I just feel so in the way, as if their time with baby should be without me.

AIBU to feel hurt and is this normal GP behaviour?

I know my parents love it when both me and baby visit ... but I am their daughter I guess.

I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit hurt. How were they towards you before the baby came?
I can imagine that GP do like to spend some time along with their GC, but this seems a bit U. I think it's nice if it can happen, but GP don't have the 'right' to this.
My PIL have very rarely had any time alone with their GC simply because we don't live near them, so they always have to put up with the parents coming along too.

Honestly, enjoy the break, and let them enjoy playing at "being in charge".

That's sad OP. YANBU to feel hurt by this. They should be grateful for their time with baby - not resentful of your presence.

How old is your baby?

How rude of them! Your baby, your money, your decision when to go back!

You need to call a halt to this now, before they start feeling entitled to have your baby for specific periods of time, without you.

No grand parent has any right to have the child every week, without the parents being present. This is your baby, not theirs and the sooner they realise that, the better.

I would stop letting them have the baby on their own and break the once a week habit, at least for a while.

It is a tricky time when a first grandchild comes along and it is very easy for GPs in their enthusiasm to alienate the first time mother and be a bit 'full on'. You don't want to come to resent them, so best to establish what you want, from the outset. They are lucky that you are willing to let them have the baby on their own and in making you feel unwelcome when you come to collect your child, they risk pissing you off enough to permanently damage the relationship with you.

Time to stand up for yourself, I think.

My mum's like this - she has LO one day per week whilst I'm at work - the first couple of weeks DP went to get him at 5 and Mum was feeding him (we like him to eat at 4 so he's ready for supper at 7) and Mum told dp just to go off and 'do whatever' for a bit - bless her, she thought she was being kind. Had to explain that dp and I would like to see LO before bed!

Are you happy for them to have your child alone? Could they maybe do an afternoon a week? They obviously just want to help (be a bit greedy and have LO to themselves for a bit)

karma's last paragraph says it all. You are not a baby making machine.

God they sound rude and unfriendly! My MIL would happily steal my children have my kids all day but she'd also happily have me there all day too!

Why not go home and nap sort stuff out/clean/relax when dc are there?

It sounds as though they are taking advantage of your good nature. It is totally unreasonable to expect you to stay away. How old is your baby?

:( I fully understand why you feel hurt. My own in-laws are like this.

It depends on what you want. Are you happy to leave the baby with them? Was it boredom or a desire to be back with your baby that drove you back early?
If you are happy to leave it than maybe take advantage of it to go back home get some stuff done, rest, mumsnet whatever. Or grab a coffee and read the paper somewhere.
But if you are just doing it to keep them happy then screw that. They were very rude and I wouldn't be going out of my way again. They don't own your baby.

Just go home, enjoy! Or go to a friends house.

I would definitely stop this arrangement . How old is your baby and what does your OH say about it ? My Inlaws have never been left with my DC 's at any age mainly because of their attitude towards me, it's their loss . It's your baby not theirs and they need to realise that , sorry if that sounds hard hearted but it's a fact.

Agree with what Karmabeliever said.

yanbu OP, if my Pil acted like that I would stop visiting.

Poor you. Think that you need to be tougher with them though. I agree with stopping the once a week thing - you don't want to get into too much of a routine with them. When baby is little, that is fine, but as kids get older and have more activities it is going to be less convenient for you. I wouldn't say it out loud just gradually change things so that they suit you.

Easier said than done, I know. I once opened the door to my MIL who said "We thought you would be at work" as she barged past and then sat with a cats bum face the whole visit esp if I so much as talked to my DS. They don't live close, thank the lord.

I assume none of you will be asking these demanding GPs to babysit?

The OP's ILs don't sound horrible - just talk to them! They probably think they're doing a favour!

I leave my dd with PIL every couple of weeks on a saturday for a few hours and mil loves it and so does dd. Only difference is that she loves it if Im there as well and I in no way feel unwelcome.

YANBU to feel upset. I would not leave baby there regularly if she treats you like a spare part.

My baby has never spent time with grandparents without me present. Primary aged child has, but not much. I can see they want to be in charge but that's tough really.
Did they like your company before the baby came?

No nannyogg if they behaved like that they would not be asked to babysit.

I would not expect to be made to feel UNWELCOME near my own child by anyone.

I don't think you should look at it as unwelcome they are just loving having time with thier grandchild and want her all to themselves, can you blame them?

Maybe they are just trying to make sure you don't feel you have to be back, trying to give you a break?

As for the comment they should be greatful to have time with the baby if your going to look at it like that then you should be greatful to them for having the baby that gave you your baby. I'm fequently shocked at how possesive some people are of babies when it's family members who love them. My mum always says she feels like her grandchildren are her babies too just an extention of the people she loves most in the world.

Good grief some people are just really odd aren't they? Perhaps they think they're being kind giving you a break but if anyone ever made me feel unwelcome in their home, let alone a family member then I'd explain how I felt and be offski.

I've been made to feel like this explicitly by my ILs for the last 5 years. FIL has gone as far as to tell me they want DS on their terms, at their house, without me there. Also that their role as GPs was not sufficient and wanted a bigger role. I've tried for years to placate them to no avail and the relationship is at an all time low. I've never once argued or told them how unreasonable I find them. I now have GAD (Google it) as a result of years of mental bullying. Don't stand for it... I hope you're stronger than me OP.