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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not buy a wedding present?

44 replies

MakeHayNotStraw · 19/09/2012 08:24

An old uni friend is getting married at the end of the month, I am going (but not dh or dcs as it's a child-free wedding) as he was a close friend at uni and there are going to be loads of our old group there. I haven't seen him or them for a while so don't want to miss it.

However, the petrol for the drive down (3 hours) and the hotel (sharing with another friend) are really stretching us. And they put on their wedding invitation that our presence is the only gift they want but if we want to buy anything here is the wedding list. So, WIBU to take them up on that and just get a card rather than a gift? Or is it the kind of thing that is written but not really meant, iyswim?

I geuinely don't know. I think DH would expect me to get them a gift, but I'm just not sure we can afford to do that as well.

Help!

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 19/09/2012 08:25

Just get them a card.

aldiwhore · 19/09/2012 08:27

You can buy nice token gifts for around a fiver. I would still by something small. But I never turn up to a party without a gift (though I'm skint so gifts are very cheap)

geegee888 · 19/09/2012 08:27

Just buy them a nice photo frame or something.

Tweasels · 19/09/2012 08:28

I don't think they would expect a gift (especially if they are good friends). But personally I would feel awkward not giving something, even if it was just a Token gift. But that's me. If you feel comfortable not taking anything then go for it.

Moln · 19/09/2012 08:29

Well they have said they don't want presents, so I think they won't mind.

Original poster
MakeHayNotStraw · 19/09/2012 08:31

aldiwhore I know what you mean - I never go anywhere without a gift, and wouldn't consider it this time except that they wrote that on the invitation. If I'd been more organised I could have made something....

So it's ok to buy something small not on the wedding list then? Everything on there starts at prices significant for us, but I've never gone off-piste before!!!

OP posts:
madeupmummy2012 · 19/09/2012 08:33

You can get a pair of mr and mrs glasses from card factory for £7. Personally i wouldnt go to a wedding without a present

Dappylittlemomma · 19/09/2012 08:35

They have said that, however as it is tradition to give a wedding present of going to a wedding. I'd try and find a cheap meaningful present.

aldiwhore · 19/09/2012 08:38

I wouldn't spend more than a fiver. I've also found that those invites that state, 'the gift is your attendance' whilst very noble and genuine don't mean that if you DO turn up with a SMALL gift the couple won't be chuffed ;)

You won't be 'in trouble' if you arrive giftless though, so I guess its what you feel comfortable doing. Blardy weddings are very expensive for guests.

Adversecamber · 19/09/2012 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MakeHayNotStraw · 19/09/2012 08:51

Ok, thank you all for your replies. The consensus then is to head out to look for something small to take. I think I would feel happier with that actually.

OP posts:
thebeesnees79 · 19/09/2012 08:57

could you and the uni mates just all chip into a card say £5/10 each. I think that's plenty

Original poster
MakeHayNotStraw · 19/09/2012 09:00

We used to do that at uni, definitely - I think everyone's doing their own thing now though.

I like the idea of the charity, too - I don't know what they'd go for, though. One I'll save for future reference!

OP posts:
shewhowines · 19/09/2012 09:02

A nice plain vase or photoframe would be good. They can look exactly the same whether cheap or expensive.

cucumbereyes · 19/09/2012 09:11

I put on my wedding invites that there was no need to bring a gift. Most people didn't which was absolutely fine. The things people brought included champagne, chocolates, books and a small amount of cash. We were genuinely happy either way. If you can't stretch to it then take nothing.

Littleprincessrocks · 19/09/2012 09:28

Home bargains have some lovely frames in that are cheap but really nice. I bought one last week that had etched on the glass "something old, something new and a million I love you's". It cost me £1.99, but had been marked down from £12.99.
Might be worth a look?

civilfawlty · 19/09/2012 09:30

How about a book. Not one of those shit 'how to be a wife' Oliver bonas books. A cookery book or summat. Local discount bookshop has loads reduced. You can write a message in and they will use it for the rest of their lives together.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 19/09/2012 10:14

I'm getting married in a week and a half. We've given details of the list to people who have asked, but said that we don't expect presents, we've invited people because we want them to be there, not because we hope they'll give us presents. We mean it.

We have a small house and can't afford to move. We don't have space for anything we don't like, want or need. Engraved photo frames or Mr and Mrs glasses will be in the charity shop before the thank you letter has arrived.

Pixieonthemoor · 19/09/2012 11:00

How about buying two of those mini bottles of champagne (or even just one) You could collar the driver of their car as everyone is leaving the church (or an usher or brother or something) and get him to stash them in the car with a couple of straws for the drive to the reception. This is a) cheaper than a pressie b) thoughtful and c) fun. Attach a gift tag to one or both so they know who it's from!!

Nancy66 · 19/09/2012 11:08

You should buy a gift. It's rude not to.

WilsonFrickett · 19/09/2012 11:08

'Post Honeymoon kit'

Nice box
A bottle of fizz (Obviously what ever's on offer!)
Bubble bath
2 cheap champagne glasses
Card with a nice message.

You could do that for £15, it was my 'go-to' present for those wedding lists where the cheapest thing was £50 and it's actually a really nice thing to do too.

pigletmania · 19/09/2012 11:08

Just buy them a little token gift.

EmmaNemms · 19/09/2012 11:11

I said that, and I generally meant it but I did think both of my brothers would get something particularly as they brought their whole families for the full monty!

Original poster
MakeHayNotStraw · 19/09/2012 11:13

Ooh, love the idea of tiny chanpagne for the car! I think something that can be used makes sense (I'm in the middle of de-cluttering so really don't want to add to someone else's!).

OP posts:
JeremyKylesPetProject · 19/09/2012 11:13

Just stick £20 in a card.