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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD excluded from a party

78 replies

shinny · 18/09/2012 13:59

My DD came back from school to say shes not been invited to a birthday party. Shes not too fussed as not keen on the birthday girl. BUT I think it stems from mum. Several months ago DD had a small party/sleepover with a few friends but not this child. Her mum sent me several aggressive texts saying her DD was crying, why was she excluded, what had she done to my DD etc etc. i explained it was a small party & I was sorry her DD was upset. She then says that my DD swore the invitees to secrecy about party. I questioned my DD and she had only told the non-invited one's BF not to mention it to avoid her being upset. Not a diplomatic course of action and i told her honesty is best policy in future etc etc.

Anyway, the mum started to blank my DD (DD told me about this even tho Id not told her about the texts) but was ok with me.

Now I feel she has done exactly what she accused me of by both excluding my DD AND swearing everyone to secrecy as some of the girls in the class asked if my DD had been invited and she dramatically said DONT TELL HER.

I am upset as this is exactly what I was accused of and it wasn't true! My DD only invited the girls she is close to and knew very well, this kid isn't one of them.

So, do i just leave it and act normally or do I use it as an opportunity to explain to DD just how you shouldn't act or do I confront the parent and advise her that she has just committed the crime she accused me of ?

OP posts:

akaemmafrost · 18/09/2012 14:27

Your dd did not invite this girl to her party.
The girl did not invite dd to her party.

In the nicest possible way that is the end of it this non event .

RaisinDEtre · 18/09/2012 14:28

Totes take option three as long as you promise to tell us the outcome

Mooo ha ha

2rebecca · 18/09/2012 14:31

Your DD sounds like the one who has this in perspective.

PooPooOnMars · 18/09/2012 14:32

Distance yourself as much as possible from the mum and child. The mum sounds pathetic, the kids aren't close which is a good thing considering.

JeremyKylesPetProject · 18/09/2012 14:33

This is why I don't do birthday parties. I let them invite a friend or two and we watch a film and get some pizza. I'm sure this is why my kids don't get many invitations to stuff but honestly I couldn't care less. Its a bloody faff.

exoticfruits · 18/09/2012 14:35

Don't get involved. DD didn't invite the girl, the girl hasn't invited DD, DD isn't bothered-end of story.

diddl · 18/09/2012 14:36

Leave it.

You get invited to some things & not others-as experienced by your daughter & the other girl!

Maybe the mother has done it as "payback".

I don´t agree with that-but if the girls aren´t friends anyway-move on!

Fakebook · 18/09/2012 14:40

Wow, I have all this to look forward to in DD's time at primary school. . Sounds like shit.

Pandemoniaa · 18/09/2012 14:48

The only thing that surprises me about this saga is that you are surprised, OP. Clearly, the mother has a ridiculous sense of entitlement so far as her dd is concerned and for that reason, she was bound to attempt some sort of payback.

She needs to be ignored and certainly not contacted. Your dd is unbothered so I should take a similar approach if I were you.

PowerDresser · 18/09/2012 14:51

OP, how old is your daughter?

Surely, there must come a time when you do not invite the whole class and have just proper 'friends'. Apart from not having the whole class, bigger children eat more food and take up more room so you'll have to get used to having fewer people unless, like me, you have to use the garden because there's not enough room indoors for an adult party but we weren't all in the same class at school.

blisterpack · 18/09/2012 14:52

This is like the famous "Nadia" party thread isn't it? Do you remember that one OP? Someone posted about about their daughter being excluded from the birthday party of Nadia*, and after a few posts later it was established that the OP's daughter didn't invite Nadia to hers. Not surprising really.

Jusfloatingby · 18/09/2012 15:36

I think the word 'excluded' is misleading here. She has simply not been invited to a party by a girl she is not particularly friendly with, whe hasn't been 'excluded' from anything.
The other mother acted really stupidly at the time. Part of growing up is learning that you won't always be invited to everything and not to take it personally.
Not getting at you OP, but some kids nowadays are going to get an awful shock when they grow up and realise they can't be included in everything, win a 'prize' at every competition, etc etc. I know nobody wants to hurt children's feelings, but protecting them from the realities of life is just setting them up for a terrible fall eventually.

Veryfrustratedandfedup · 18/09/2012 15:42

Like someone else has pointed out, it's not surprising that your DD isn't invited given her mother's behaviour when your DD had her sleepover.

I would just say to your DD that we can't all be invited to everything and that it's best she didn't get invited as she doesn't like the other girl, and then leave it at that.

Saltycopporn · 18/09/2012 16:13

Maybe ask dd for advice on what action to take! Maybe not just in this instance but all future dilemmas. She sounds like she has her head screwed on!

iliketea · 18/09/2012 16:18

Do nothing, or use it as a way of your DD understanding that not.everyone gets invites to everything.

When I was 13 / 14 yo, I arranged to go to the cinema with a few friends. Another 'friend'found

iliketea · 18/09/2012 16:23

Sorry posted too soon (stupid phone).

Anyway the friend who was not invited complained to.her father that she was being left out (she wasn't, was just a different friendship group). Said.father then cornered me about not including his DD and demanded she should be able to come and that we should change the plans so she could be included. . The result was that this.girl just stopped being invited to anything for fear that her dad would interfere with the plans.

Moral of the story: let your.daughter sort her friendships herself...

Floggingmolly · 18/09/2012 16:32

Your dd didn't invite her dd to her party because she only invited girls she was close to and knew well
Why would it not be the same for the other girl?

SoupDragon · 18/09/2012 16:42

Good lord, just grow up.

VonHerrBurton · 18/09/2012 16:53

No bloody wonder some dc have meltdowns over bugger all if this is the way a parent is behaving.

It really does leave me speechless.

Your dd invited who she wanted, the other girl invited who she wanted. There was zero 'excluding' involved.

Sheesh...

pigletmania · 18/09/2012 17:01

Yabvvvvu. You and your dd sound very entitled. She is not close to te birthday girl, your dd doped not invite te girl to her arty, so why the hell should your dd be invited . You sound like one of those silly playground mums that everyone des not want to be

PopOozeTheFastest · 18/09/2012 17:01

OP, you solve your own problem in your first two sentences: My DD came back from school to say she's not been invited to a birthday party. She's not too fussed as not keen on the birthday girl.

You did not invite the girl to your DD's party as they are not close friends. Why then would you expect the little girl to invite your DD to her party?

I don't get it. You must have a lovely life if this is the kind of thing you spend time worrying about .

Proudnscary · 18/09/2012 17:02

Here you go

SauvignonBlanche · 18/09/2012 17:06

I don't get it.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 18/09/2012 17:07

I agree with anditwasallyellow.

cat · 18/09/2012 17:11

Come back OP

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