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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

R.E. MY holiday, HIS mother's birthday (long)

39 replies

ThreeEdgedSword · 18/09/2012 12:41

DS goes away tomorrow for five days, a holiday with his Grandad. On Sunday it's my OH's mother's birthday.

His parents have decided that, to work around DS coming back, they would like to have dinner at the pub near my house. This would be fine, it's a nice place, except I now have to spend my holiday sorting out my house (it's still a state from moving in) because at some point on Sunday the whole family's going to turn up.

I told them several times to do whatever they wanted, and to not work around me as I can arrange for DS to come home after the meal.

On top of this, OH has just been promoted at work and is out early, and is exhausted when he gets home, so the bulk of the housework is falling to me.

I can't stand people just turning up and expecting me to play hostess. I didn't bloody invite them, but now I have to spend this week unpacking boxes and doing stacks of washing, instead of relaxing and enjoying my child-free holiday.

AIBU to be annoyed about this?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 18/09/2012 12:43

YABU to not tell them it's inconvenient right now because you haven't sorted your house out due to being busy with work.

On the plus side, there's nothing like a kick up the arse to make you do it and you'll probably be really pleased once it's done.

But if you don't want them coming, just say so.

aldiwhore · 18/09/2012 12:44

Umm. When were you going to unpack?

Anyhoo, YABU to do more than you want to do. If it was me, then everything would be fine and I certainly wouldn't be putting myself under pressure to sort the house out. Let them sit on crates.

Numberlock · 18/09/2012 12:46

How long is it since you moved, OP?

WhatYouLookingAt · 18/09/2012 12:46

There is a handy little word called NO. Use it, or get on with it. Can't have it both ways.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 18/09/2012 12:47

Leave it all - do what you would have done anyway. They are family and should understand, and if they don't it's tough shit. Smile sweetly and ignore any digs, if they impose on you then they have to take you as they find you. Life is way to short to stress about stuff like this, really it is.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 18/09/2012 12:54

a) lovely, we'll see you at the pub. Just to let you know, we won't be inviting you back to our house after as we haven't unpacked yet. Yes I know you don't mind, but we do, so you're not invited. We're looking forward to seeing you at the pub.

b) ooh great, if you're all coming back to my house after the pub, you can help unpack!

c) you're welcome to my house but, be warned, it's a mess as we haven't unpacked yet, cos I was enjoying my child-free time and dp was too tired. Any digs about this and you'll be straight out the door

WorraLiberty · 18/09/2012 12:58

I've just realised they're not staying overnight?

In that case clear some space in the lounge and give the loo a clean.

Job done.

Numberlock · 18/09/2012 13:06

The reason I asked how long is it since you moved was that, if it's been a while, perhaps they assume that the unpacking has been done by now.

there's nothing like a kick up the arse to make you do it and you'll probably be really pleased once it's done

I agree with Worra. The packing needs undoing at some stage so use this as your motivation. How much still needs doing anyway? Could you not do a couple of hours first thing every morning which would still leave you with plenty of child-free holiday time to enjoy?

Original poster

ThreeEdgedSword · 18/09/2012 13:07

aldiwhore and Numberlock, we moved in about four weeks ago, but i've found it almost impossible to unpack while DS is here, so been doing it bit by bit when he's on days out and stuff.

Worra believe me, if I could do that I would. But they're the kind of family that insists on having a nose about and seeing if we've done anything new with the new place .

The living room is fine. As is the loo but OH insist we sort out the rest of the house this week. We meaning me "because you're at home all day".

Bertha lol, I might have to try one of those! Am quite a fan of the last one

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 18/09/2012 13:10

Meh! You can still enjoy child free time and finish the unpacking.

Unless you're in a 10 bed mansion, I doubt it's going to take all week.

Sometimes you can get something done in a couple of hours that would have taken 2 days if the kids were home

aldiwhore · 18/09/2012 13:10

Let OH insist away... just don't do more than you want to!

Numberlock · 18/09/2012 13:13

i've found it almost impossible to unpack while DS is here

Irrespective of your MIL's visit, use this child-free time to get it done. Otherwise it will still need doing in another 4 week's time, no?

Two hours unpacking every morning, child-free rest of day and nice evening with husband.

Sounds OK to me.

Numberlock · 18/09/2012 13:19

Are there other issues with MIL, OP? Just noticed thread title - *HIS mother".

Is she the wife of the grandad who's taking your son away or is that your dad?

Original poster

ThreeEdgedSword · 18/09/2012 13:24

My dad is having DS, OH's mother is the one having the birthday. Sorry, should have clarified.

I was planning on getting some done, but still have two and a half rooms to unpack. I was planning on just doing DS's room this week (our room can wait, it's mostly clothes, and OH can do the bloody kitchen ) But now I apparently need to have the whole house sorted.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 18/09/2012 13:24

I suspect you probably were going to do lots of unpacking while DS was away anyway, but now you feel resentful because DH is expecting it... Which is fair enough, but resent won't make your house look all nice and cosy...

WilsonFrickett · 18/09/2012 13:25

Xpost but a spookily accurate one

Numberlock · 18/09/2012 13:29

How have you managed without a kitchen for four weeks? And does it really take a week to do one child's room?

Or are we not just talking unpacking, you're doing decorating too?

furrygoldone · 18/09/2012 13:30

I don't really understand your problem, isn't it quite normal for family to come and have a nose round a new house even if you haven't finished unpacking?

I could understand your annoyance if your MIL had invited herself to lunch but she didn't. This isn't the first thread I've see objecting to MILs being in the general vicinity and popping by some of you are seriously unfriendly to your DH's mothers.

Kayano · 18/09/2012 13:33

They are going to the pub not your house though? Why not just saunter down to the pub with them and stay there?

GingerBlondecat · 18/09/2012 13:35

You.... don't have to do anything you don't want to do during this mini holiday.
You have just moved house, for crying out loud. One of the most stressfull things in life to do.
And from the sound of it, you did it with very little help from your 'other half'

As for the Mil snooping in your house, speak up for yourself. She has NO right to snoop.

Numberlock · 18/09/2012 13:37

Have your own parents visited already, OP?

LtEveDallas · 18/09/2012 13:38

I don't get it either, but then I suppose I'm so bloody used to unpacking that I keep going until its done - no matter what time.

Our last move was from Cyprus to UK with a 4 year old. It took one weekend to unpack and sort out the stuff we had left in storage and another weekend 6 weeks later to unpack the stuff we shipped over/back.

I couldn't live like that for 4 weeks, no way.

I agree with Kayano, just go to the pub and stay there till the end if you really can't get it done.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 18/09/2012 13:40

So you were going to unpack anyway...?

Why not just do the whole lot and get it done? You can work like mad for 2 days, and then have 3 days to potter and relax.

Original poster

ThreeEdgedSword · 18/09/2012 13:41

Numberlock we have all the basics unpacked, but the boxes that need unpacking are currently sitting in the kitchen. And it doesn't take a week to do DS's room, but that was all I really wanted to do as it's been almost a year since I had a holiday.

furrygoldone I actually get along quite well with her, I just don't like anybody inviting themselves into my house. But my OH just lets it slide when she does, then I'm the unreasonable one for objecting.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThreeEdgedSword · 18/09/2012 13:44

And my dad has visited (sort of - he sat in the living room because I wouldn't let him go anywhere else) but he's not the snooping type at all - his opinion is that it's my home and therefore none of his business - an attitude I appear to have inherited...

OP posts:

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