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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

R.E. MY holiday, HIS mother's birthday (long)

39 replies

ThreeEdgedSword · 18/09/2012 12:41

DS goes away tomorrow for five days, a holiday with his Grandad. On Sunday it's my OH's mother's birthday.

His parents have decided that, to work around DS coming back, they would like to have dinner at the pub near my house. This would be fine, it's a nice place, except I now have to spend my holiday sorting out my house (it's still a state from moving in) because at some point on Sunday the whole family's going to turn up.

I told them several times to do whatever they wanted, and to not work around me as I can arrange for DS to come home after the meal.

On top of this, OH has just been promoted at work and is out early, and is exhausted when he gets home, so the bulk of the housework is falling to me.

I can't stand people just turning up and expecting me to play hostess. I didn't bloody invite them, but now I have to spend this week unpacking boxes and doing stacks of washing, instead of relaxing and enjoying my child-free holiday.

AIBU to be annoyed about this?

OP posts:

Numberlock · 18/09/2012 13:46

I don't get it, I'm afraid, I'd find it more stressful to be sifting through boxes to find stuff rather than just unpacking them.

I just don't like anybody inviting themselves into my house

The issue isn't the unpacking then, is it? And this isn't anybody, it's your husband's mother and your son's grandmother who wants to come for, what, an hour after a pub meal? On her birthday...

As a mother of 3 sons, these sorts of threads make me fear for the future.

I agree with furry about the frequent animosity on MN towards MILs.

Original poster

ThreeEdgedSword · 18/09/2012 13:56

Not my husband, my boyfriend, was under the impression that OH meant other half? And not my son's grandmother, he's not my son's father.

I'm more objecting to the fact that my week off, which is the only real holiday I get, is now being filled by my boyfriend in an effort to get the house nice before his whole family, not just his mother, turns up. That's four, maybe five people, and I'll be the one making the drinks etc.

On a more lighthearted note, am having a crisis as I don't think I have enough cups .

OP posts:

furrygoldone · 18/09/2012 13:56

Your DH probably let's it go because most people find family popping round quite normal and not that much of a big deal.

Kayano · 18/09/2012 13:59

You are totally going ott about this.

furrygoldone · 18/09/2012 14:00

It's DH for husband and DP for partner. Knowing mumsnet as I do I suspect OH is seriously frowned upon as we don't need men to make us whole .

YANBU about his expectation that you will have the house perfect before they come, why isn't he helping?

WilsonFrickett · 18/09/2012 14:00

I think it will be really hard for your OH to accept that you don't want his family to visit if your dad is sitting in your house right now. Surely you can understand how unfair that sounds?

If your problem is actually with your OH not pulling his weight, then explain to him that while his family is welcome, you won't be spending all your time getting the house ready and will be enjoying some down time too. Then simply do what you were going to do anyway in terms of unpacking.

If the fact they'll be coming to a house that isn't 'finished' upsets you, then that's your issue. If it's OH that gets upset, then he has to do something about it.

Numberlock · 18/09/2012 14:01

I don't think I have enough cups

They're probably in those boxes in the kitchen...

Hullygully · 18/09/2012 14:07

If you don't want to unpack, don't. Have the courage of your convictions. Just say to everyone, it's lovely to see you, sory about the mes, haven't finished unpacking yet. Tea?

The end.

BillComptonstrousers · 18/09/2012 14:10

Do you not want to get the house nice? It would drive me mad sitting round on my arse for a week looking at boxes. I'd have a mad two days get the whole house sorted. Then you can have the rest of the week doing exactly what it is you were planning on doing. And to be honest, if my partner was at home, and there was still unpacking to do after 4 weeks, and I thought there were going to mooch about and just do 'one room' I'd be pretty fucked off.

Lambzig · 18/09/2012 14:12

Seriously, I cant see that it will take you more than a day to do all that. Kitchens are easy - clean cupboard, shove stuff in. You could get it all done on first day and then luxuriate in four days of finished house to yourself. Thats what I would do, although I would have had to unpack it all straight away as couldnt bear to have it unpacked for four weeks.

If you really dont want to do it, shove all the boxes in your bedroom (make DP move them) and declare your bedroom out of bounds to everyone. Pile boxes up near the door, so that if anyone does snoop, all they see is a pile of boxes.

It does sound a bit mean not to want her there on her birthday though.

fait · 18/09/2012 14:16

Four WEEKS?!!!! Jeez - I managed (as a single mum) to move house, work full time, get my child through the 11+ - and the house was unpacked in one weekend. How can you live with a load of unpacked boxes. If they are unpacked after four weeks, then chuck them away!

And how does having a son stop you from unpacking boxes?

Just put the damn boxes into one of the bedrooms and tidy up downstairs. I cannot believe the things people on here make a fuss about.

Original poster

ThreeEdgedSword · 18/09/2012 14:23

Yeesh, I'm starting to regret this! Ok, I get it, I am being rather unreasonable. Thank you.

OP posts:

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 18/09/2012 14:57

YANBU and ignore comments like those from fait above.

Either have them over and let them sit amongst the packing, or tell them you'll have to socialise in the pub/elsewhere because the house isn't unpacked and you don't want people in it.

If you do have them over, either call them on the snooping ('MIL, sorry, the bathroom is this way not that way' or tell them that if they don't want to see sights they don't approve of, they shouldn't snoop in other people's houses.

And if your OH wants the whole place unpacked he can jolly well do his share.

You can tell them all I said that.

Iteotwawki · 18/09/2012 19:21

We just moved - admittedly not into a 10 bed mansion but it's a fairly large house - and I decided we should have a party 2 weeks later. Which meant all the unpacking had to be done & the house looking as good as possible. Except as I work full time, my husband had to do it all, plus look after two boys.

I don't think it even occurred to him to be as pissed off about it as you sound. Every day I came home from work he showed me how much more he'd done and for the boys' rooms, he emailed me pictures and progress reports.

YABVU. You're home all day, get unpacking!

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