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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to get himself up in the morning?

68 replies

LaTristesse · 17/09/2012 15:54

I'm up at 6.30 with the children usually and my morning consists of the usual washing, dressing, breakfast (feeding as mine are still tiny), cleaning etc. DH is supposed to get up at 7.30 for work. He's crap I. The mornings (crabby moods, noncommunicative that sort of thing) as well as being a deep sleeper. He expects me to wake him up and get him out of bed every morning (which isn't just calling up the stairs, it's running up several times, shaking him until he stirs then bellowing until he gets up). Not only is it no fun it also takes too long when I gave all the other stuff to deal with. Aibu to expect g

OP posts:
greenhill · 17/09/2012 17:50

Sorry to hear it is a 'tip of the iceberg'. As someone else suggested a relationship thread might be very helpful to sort things in your own head.

Nightwish · 17/09/2012 17:59

I wake DP up every morning for work at 7am.
Alarms just do not wake him up.
He can sleep through anything.
It does annoy me sometimes and I would love to find a reliable other way of him getting up.
He would sleep to 3pm if I left him and most likely lose his job.

ErikNorseman · 17/09/2012 18:01

YAnbu
I can completely relate. My stbxh is exactly like this. I stopped getting him up and let him deal with being late. I just disconnected. I stopped expecting any help from him in the mornings either. This removed the conflict but also, unsurprisingly, contributed to my loss of respect for him that was part of the relationship ending.

ErikNorseman · 17/09/2012 18:03

but night wish does he appreciate what you do for him? Is he grateful? My h was entitled, childish and unpleasant. I'd have been happy to help him if he had made a bit of effort himself and understood the hassle he put me to and cared about it!

jelliebelly · 17/09/2012 18:09

Sorry to hear this is tip of the iceberg stuff. Yes he is lazy and inconsiderate imo. With young children around he should be up doing his fair share in the morning.

eurochick · 17/09/2012 18:35

I'm sorry that this is the tip of the iceberg. Just leave him to get himself up. I'm not a morning person and hate getting up but I am still capable of operating an alarm clock.

redexpat · 17/09/2012 19:44

May I suggest a natural light alarm clock? It will help the symptom (him not getting out of bed) but not the cause (him being an immature arse).

HansieMom · 17/09/2012 19:59

I have heard of this: put the alarm clock across the room under a big pan.

But personally I would just leave it up to him. He is an adult, deal with it.

Mrsjay · 17/09/2012 20:02

He is a grownman you are his wife not his skivvy or maid to get the master up in the morning sigh get him an alarm clock and let him sleep in for bloody work he sounds really arsey sorry but he does,

susiedaisy · 17/09/2012 20:03

He lost one marriage to laziness and is now jeopardising his second, feel Sad for you op!

Mrsjay · 17/09/2012 20:04

Some people just aren't morning people.

This is very true but most grown ups can get themselves out of bed in the morning , I am so not a morning person we all grunt at each other but we can still get up , If her husband over slept then her waking him is different but him expecting her to wake him up is just arsey

exoticfruits · 17/09/2012 20:15

It is his problem-he will only deal with it if you stop doing it for him.

AnyFucker · 17/09/2012 20:25

There is a lot more to this story isn't there, OP ?

This particular manchild is in the process of throwing his second marriage (and second family ?) away.

Is he really so fucking stupid ?

How much longer will you tolerate it ?

AngryGnome · 17/09/2012 20:26

DH is exactly the same. I just leave him. I am an early riser, but to be honest cannot be fecked interrupting whatever important things watching the borgias on sky+ I am doing just to get him up out of bed. Usually he heaves himself out of bed In time for work. Sometimes he doesn't and has to deal with that. C'est la vie.

I am sorry that this is the tip of the iceberg - if it is causing you such unhappiness and he is treating you shoddily because he can't get himself out of bed, is there a chance for you both to sit down and have a serious chat about it? Does he know how unhappy this is making you?

FrustratedSycamorePants · 17/09/2012 20:37

He's a grown-up not a child. Let him get himself up. If he's late for work that's his prerogative. I'm sure he knows how an alarm clock works.

RubyGates · 17/09/2012 20:39
  1. Wake him up when you get up.
2.Make it clear that you won't be coming back to get him up later.
  1. Don't go back. If he isn't out of bed at the same time as you, then he doesn't get any wakey-wakey help.
  1. (A teasmaid might help)
onemoreforgoodmeasure · 17/09/2012 20:41

How funny. Sounds like this rather crept up on you or you would have made sense of this already. You're not his mother, he is supposed to be doing his bit. When I get up early, and if I have time, I do take my OH a cup of tea when it's time for him to get up, but it's out of love, and if I have time, not a demand on his part. He does the same for me if he gets up early. It's nice that way.

Inertia · 17/09/2012 20:53

Wake him, once, when you get up. Job done.

The fact that he is shitty with you about this rings a lot of alarm bells. There seems to be an expectation that you have to jump to his demands.

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