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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DH to get himself up in the morning?

68 replies

LaTristesse · 17/09/2012 15:54

I'm up at 6.30 with the children usually and my morning consists of the usual washing, dressing, breakfast (feeding as mine are still tiny), cleaning etc. DH is supposed to get up at 7.30 for work. He's crap I. The mornings (crabby moods, noncommunicative that sort of thing) as well as being a deep sleeper. He expects me to wake him up and get him out of bed every morning (which isn't just calling up the stairs, it's running up several times, shaking him until he stirs then bellowing until he gets up). Not only is it no fun it also takes too long when I gave all the other stuff to deal with. Aibu to expect g

OP posts:

Ginshizz · 17/09/2012 16:25

YANBU

What a ridiculous way for him to behave! Try taking him up a nice cup of tea and pouring it over him. That should wake him up

HSMM · 17/09/2012 16:26

My DH is not a morning person. All the more reason for me not to go near him when he is waking up. He has been late for work a couple of times.

When do you get to lie in til 7.30 while he does all the other stuff ?

cantspel · 17/09/2012 16:27

my oh gets up at 6 wakes our teens before he goes out at 7 who then get up dressed and make themselves their breakfast. He then rings me on my mobile at 8 to wake me up.

Works for us and i dont think he is having to treat me as a child.

AThingInYourLife · 17/09/2012 16:29

I could not fancy someone who treated me like his ma while he acted like a teenager.

Hullygully · 17/09/2012 16:30

what is wrong with you?

Any decent wife would wake him gently by whispering suggestively into his ear and pressing her silken naked breasts against his manly back while his breakfast warms in the oven and the children play sweetly in the garden.

greenhill · 17/09/2012 16:32

cantspel that is a good solution for a non morning person. But you are up with one call.

The OP's DH is expecting a full performance of running up/ down stairs / shaking / bellowing etc. He is making the morning all about him!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 17/09/2012 16:33

I hope this man gets up one day at the weekend to give you a lie in. And make him set is phone or some other alarm clock to wake himself up in the week. Failing that, a bucket of iced water on his goolies should do the trick.

greenhill · 17/09/2012 16:34

arf hullygully

Veryfrustratedandfedup · 17/09/2012 16:35

PeazlyPops and what if the OP wasn't a morning person either? Who would look after the DCs then if it's acceptable to behave that way in the mornings? Ah yes, as the woman she doesn't have any choice does she?

FryOneFatManic · 17/09/2012 16:35

Peazlypops I'm not a morning person. BUT it is my responsibility to make sure I get up and no-one else's. I am an adult. If I need to get up I will, and DP sorts himself out.

Why should the op be doing all the stuff in the morning AND trying to get he DH up. He's the same age as me, he can get an alarm and learn the responsibility he should have learned years ago.

HipHopOpotomus · 17/09/2012 16:36

I'm not a morning person, DP isn't a morning person either. Shall we just lie an and leave the young kids to sort themselves out then? No we are grown ups and we do what we have to do, even early in the morning.

OP why isn't he involved with the kids in the mornings? I'd recommend you henceforth rotate mornings week on/week off. Get him involved & leave him to it. Clearly he can do it as all the breakfast duties are pretty much fulfilled before he's even up.

As for being a personal human alarm clock, forget it. Shouting once up the stairs is OK, beyond that he needs to take some responsibility for himself. (Is he 14? Are you his Mum?). Next thing he will be accusing you of nagging him

HipHopOpotomus · 17/09/2012 16:36

Does he not have a phone? or alarm clock?
Can he not figure out how to set it?

Stonefield · 17/09/2012 16:38

Seriously?!
Quite often my OH gets up first if DS wakes before our 6am alarm and bless her she tries to let me have a lie-in, but often we just get up together and I think that as a rule that's how it should be. If you're up at 6.30 then so should he, I don't give a stuff if he's not a morning person, tell him to go to bed earlier if he needs more sleep.
Of course everyone is entitled to a lie-in when they can get it, family life doesnt allow it that often though does it really? But that's the choice we made and wouldnt change it for the world.
Make him get up when you get up, and make him help. And treat each other to a lie-in when possible.

Viviennemary · 17/09/2012 16:39

Type him out a morning rota. Up by, breakfast. Laminate it and pin it up somewhere. Even get stars. Buy him an alarm clock if he hasn't got one already. And then leave him to it. If he is behaving like a child treat him like one.

HipHopOpotomus · 17/09/2012 16:41

Take it from me mornings are LOTS easier (re crappyness/moodiness) if you go to bed earlier! Simple really. Lots of people who say "I'm not a morning person" actually means "I like to stay up late and bugger the consequences".

I like to stay up late too. But I have to get up at 6.45 weekdays. And I'm experiencing at this grand old age, just how much more of a 'morning person' I am if I go to bed earlier.

It's simply an equation - learn how many hours sleep you need to function properly and so you're not a moody twat, deduct those hours from the time you have to get up & viola your brand new "lights off" time. It's a revelation.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 17/09/2012 16:42

Step One: "dh I am sick of running around after you in the mornings, I have two children not three. You can get yourself up for work from now on"

Step two: dont wake him up tomorrow or any subsequent days

olgaga · 17/09/2012 16:57

How childish some men are - he's a disgrace. We used to get the cold wet flannel when we were kids...

Well, if he insists it's your job to wake him up, then just for the fun of it, I'd get one of those plant mist/spray bottles, fill it with water, and keep it in the fridge. When you get up, spray him right in the face with the icy water. I guarantee he won't go back to sleep after that.

If he needs to rely on you to get him up, you are entitled to choose the most effective method you can think of.

With a bit of luck his pillow will still be damp that night!

I doubt you'll have to do it more than once.

Go on OP, do it!

littlebluechair · 17/09/2012 17:06

Basically GoldPlatedNineDoors has the answer, YANBU for expecting him to do it, but it sounds like Y have been U for bloody ages enabling this childish crap.

But changing things lies with you OP, are you willing to stop running up and down stairs? How arsey will he be if you take this approach and is his potential sulking/grumping enough to put you off?

zipzap · 17/09/2012 17:12

I would tell him tonight that you're fed up of him getting a lie in in the mornings while you are up an hour earlier and having to sort everything out by yourself so that from now on, you're going to wake him up when you get up and drag him downstairs so he can share in the joys of family breakfast before work.

And that if he insists on staying in bed any longer, then you won't be up to shake him awake.

Take up a glass of cold water to bed with you and explicitly say that you are going to use it to wake him up if he doesn't come too when the alarm comes on and you tell him it's time to get up, because you don't have time to fanny around waking him up.

Then sit back and see what his reaction is...

And wait and see what happens tomorrow morning. And definitely use [some of] the cold water - gotta follow through with threats just like you do when punishing toddlers!

OneMoreChap · 17/09/2012 17:16

WTF? YANB at all U.

Levae the idle fecker in bed, or kick his arse out to deal with the kids [Personally, until I had kids I was a stay in bed till lunchtime bloke; another thing that kids changed forever. XW is as far as I am aware still incapable of getting out of bed. I know when I left kids had to often wake her.]

ihearsounds · 17/09/2012 17:27

He has 2 choices -
Grow up, take responsibility for getting himself up and out of bed. I am not a morning person. I hate getting up. But I get up.

Or, if he still wants to act like a child, and want you to wake up, you will do so but if the first time you tell him up, the next one will be with a water gun. If he still doesn't get up, tough he is late and its his own fault.

amybelle1990 · 17/09/2012 17:31

Yep, my DP does this... I just keep on reminding him that he's supposed to be an adult.

It usually works, but he still has the nerve to say that he feels too tired to get up for work...

background: I'm a nurse that does shift work and I'm currently 36 weeks pg... he doesn't even know the meaning of the word tired!

Original poster

LaTristesse · 17/09/2012 17:34

Thank you.

Glad that was (pretty) unanimous.

He was married before me, but that fell apart as he was lazy, self confessed. Then he had 7 years on his own where he presably coped fine.

I have tried not waking him, he gets even shittier. Fails to see that he is thoroughly unreasonable.

And no, I don't get to lay in at all, actually that's a lie, I think I've had 2 later starts 9am max) in the last 2.5 years.

Yes I am sick of him, but this is, as you can imagine, just the tip of the iceberg.

OP posts:

pictish · 17/09/2012 17:37

Oh dear OP. Well, we are always here to listen and advise if you should wish to go into it any deeper.

On this one though - you are not being unreasonable. He is. The self centred baby!

littlebluechair · 17/09/2012 17:43

Hi, I did think it might be a 'tip of the iceberg' thread, sorry to hear that OP .

Maybe head over to relationships and start a thread about all the stuff lurking beneath the surface?

I just knew he'd be shittier if you didn't wake him, because it would be too easy to solve if he were prepared to be reasonable wouldn't it?

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