to object to the wife 'liberating' things?

[BadLad]

We've just had our first serious argument.

Every time we go to an all-you-can-eat restaurant, DW smuggles some of the food out, specifically taking bags and tupperware for that purpose.

On one occasion, when it was also all-you-can-drink, she liberated a bottle of the sake that was available on a help-yourself basis.

When we go fruitpicking, she smuggles a load of it home. The system here is different to the UK, where if I remember correctly, you pay for what you pick. Here you can eat as many as you want for 30 minutes, but pay for what you take home, bought in the shop.

The most recent occasion has been a load of teabags, from a restaurant where, among other things, you can get your own exotic tea. These are individually wrapped, very very expensive looking ones, which would be pricey here. At the end of the meal, we were given two to take home. Which didn't excite DW very much, as she"d already half-inched fifty of them to take home.

These are for giving to her friends / colleagues. If she had taken one or two for her own use at home, I might only be disapproving rather than pissed off. The first time we were in this restaurant, she suggesting nicking one of the very nice plates.

Ever since an incident in my school days, where the whole class was threatened with expulsion and getting the police involved after someone nicked something on a school day out, I have long hated shoplifters and thieves in general.

I have told her before that I hate her doing this - this time I was really angry. I was able to make my point, but I can see she thinks I'm making fuss over nothing, and that I am on a high horse. Moral issues apart, I don't want to go to such places with her and worry about being seen and thrown out.

AIBU?

:o

Well he is angry with his wife.

Ah! In the title now.

Secondsop, you're right, that is what I think I will have to say.

About the last one, I think the restaurant staff probably realised, but with it being teabags, just thought it was pathetic more than anything. And I hate the thought of people thinking she and I (by association) are not well brought up enough to go to nice restaurants.

Must be the most unanimous AIBU in some time.

Can your wife come out for lunch with me? I really want the condiments basket they have at Giraffe too scared to do the pinching myself

Is it my imagination, or has the title been repaired?

Imagination, same on my - Thread I'm On.

It definitely has. It was full of dodgy unicode before...

Sounds as though she would be sacked if anyone decided to prosecute her for theft.

This isn't normal behaviour OP, yanbu to be upset by your wife's behaviour. But I wonder if there are some cultural attitudes at play after all? If you are where I think you are (and I'm guessing from a few clues in your OP), then theft is certainly frowned on, but I lived there for a long period and encountered some very casual views towards shoplifting - it surprised me greatly to find that people just didn't take it that seriously, despite having very high moral standards in their day to day lives and a society that is generally regarded as exceptionally honest.

Typically, it seemed to be a teenage thing, and I imagine most adults would find it weird, but maybe your wife just doesn't think of it as stealing? Especially if all her family are doing it! I think you need to be really honest about how it makes you feel, how ashamed you'd be if she got caught and about the potential implications for her too. And if you have to, maybe stop going to places with her if she won't stop - for as long as you go along with it, she won't think what she's doing is all that bad.

OK, I'm obviously the only one who thinks that this is a wind up.......

What makes you think it's a wind-up, florence?

The tone, the story, my sixth sense.

Fair enough - don't see it myself.

I call wor fella 'the husband'

Ffs some people

Op yanbu

You are over reacting. I have no objection to people liberating inexpensive things from profitable corporations or expensive hotels. So branded beer glasses as mentioned above really isn't something that would get my knickers in a twist, but I wouldn't care for them either. She's not a horrible criminal, she's taking inexpensive things that won't cause anyone much harm, to let friends experience what she has. Sounds like she's someone that strives for equality rather than a selfish thief. The worst I can bring myself to do, is to go in to a well known 'restaurant' that I don't intend on spending any money in, to liberate some sugar and milk for camping and to go for a Mcpoo.

Jinsei, yes, if you had been to this country then you would be able to guess where it is from some of the references in my first post.

Dave, I don't think she's a horrible criminal. If I did, then I wouldn't be asking if I were being unreasonable. Thanks for your opinion; however, I am probably going to take the prevailing opinion that it definitely goes way over the line into unacceptable behaviour when it gets as far as lifting an unopened bottle of sake - this is a wine-bottle sized one, not an aeroplane size one - for someone else to drink.

Nicking 50 tea bags is striving for equality now

Op yanbu

Moominsarescary. You know what I mean. She is taking them for friends, not monetary gains or greed. Tea bags are hardly the crime of the century.

OP, YANBU.

Ghost, all over MN, people will raise a mild eyebrow if they don't like how something is phrased.

SGB I don't think so. On the contrary, it has a reputation for people being particularly honest. And they are, in general, but in my view, some of them have a slight blind spot towards shoplifting in that they don't seem to regard it as theft in quite the same way as other forms of stealing. I used to work in a high school in said country, and reports of shoplifting by the kids were common. It was frowned upon, undoubtedly, but nobody seemed to find it particularly shocking.

BadLad, at the fruit picking when it comes to pay up why not say something along the lines of:

DW/MiL/FiL dont for get to pay for the fruit you have in your bag, you wouldnt want to be accused of stealing would you?

Make sure this is said loud and clear for the assistant to hear then follow up with a big 'happy to help' smile!

It sounds like your in-laws & DW could do with some loud parenting.

I dont know, im a bit torn. The fruit picking thing, meh. Went berrypicking as a child and just about everyone i knew took a punnet or two home (usually their piecebox). The teabag thing, again, it's teabags. Perhaps fifty of them is a bit excessive. Eat all you want buffets, not something i would do but i have heard of people taking some home for seconds/to feed the dog. Now were she pilfering the silverware or liberating cash out of the till, i'd probably say she had a problem but what you have described, meh,

I think the problem I see with this is that it isnt stealing from a big institution it is stealing from someone's business. That is no different from stealing from the till.

Where I am pick-your-own places have all but disappeared in no small part because of the thieving which went on by so called customers.