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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a congratulations on your baby card from work

34 replies

needsomesunshine · 17/09/2012 04:04

That's it really. My baby is 5 weeks old but I work in education so I thought I would hear from people after the summer break. I sent an email at the start of term to say I had the baby. Email was to 50 people got 3 replies. I thought I got on well with my colleagues. A bit of a slap in the face really.

OP posts:

ThisIsMummyPig · 17/09/2012 04:20

When I had DD1, I got a good number of cards, but had been very poorly, and they were worried about me. They were also very generous before I left.

I don't think I got any from work with DD2.

I work on a very close team of about 15 people, and I also rang in straight away (I mean the day after the birth) and would have visisted with both babies before they were a couple of weeks old.

If they didn't get the e-mail from you until they had returned to work, maybe they thought it was a bit late to send you a card when baby was 5 weeks old. I had packed them all away by then.

Also some people will have a chip on their shoulder about maternity rights (I know that it's wrong but they will) and if you left before the end of term, they might feel like you left them in the lurch. (wrongly again)

Original poster

needsomesunshine · 17/09/2012 04:35

I think you are right mummy pig.

OP posts:

Iteotwawki · 17/09/2012 04:37

As ever, YABU to expect it but YAcompletelyNBU to be miffed they didn't send one. I suppose it depends if it's your first baby or the latest in a long line (we did a card for a colleague on his first but not for another colleague on his fourth) and whether anyone you work with was organised enough to sort out getting a card and getting everyone to sign it. Is it something that's been done in the past or not something anyone would have thought of?

Congratulations on your little one.

Original poster

needsomesunshine · 17/09/2012 04:50

They are usually very good with cards and would get everyone to sign it. I think that's made me feel worse. I think I automatically expected it as I know they do it for everyone.

OP posts:

Iteotwawki · 17/09/2012 05:12

Oh that's more difficult then. YANBU if they normally do it for everyone, I'd almost try and talk to someone I know to find out why! (I don't recommend doing this, it will make you look needy and desperate and odd but as I am often all of those things I don't really care who knows it!)

Original poster

needsomesunshine · 17/09/2012 05:15

I would look very needy, odd & insane but tbh I think that's their opinion anyway

OP posts:

Longdistance · 17/09/2012 05:20

I got bog all from anyone in my company when either of my two dd's were born.
However, there are somewhat 13,000 people in my department alone, but my close colleagues sent their congrats.
On the other hand my dh's company sent flowers, and some business associates was like a florists in my house
I think I'd be a little peed off too. But, maybe they're into the swings of the new term, and will come up with something

YellowRiver · 17/09/2012 05:31

I'd be offended in your place too, but don't take it personally. Are you normally the person organising cards and collections for people? If not, maybe that 'organiser' person was busy when the email came in and time just passed. It doesn't mean anything at all, but it does hurt a little. Your baby is the biggest thing that's ever happened to you but to your colleagues, this is just a snippet of nice news...

Original poster

needsomesunshine · 17/09/2012 05:35

My mum used to have a box of cards ready for every occasion, so do I now. I think that's made me more expectant of one.

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 17/09/2012 05:53

Ah we always send a card and flowers

Have some virtual ones from me and a big congratulations on your new arrival

Original poster

needsomesunshine · 17/09/2012 05:54

Thankyou

OP posts:

watchoutforthatsnail · 17/09/2012 06:35

Do you mean individually, or work as a whole?

If you mean individually you may be being unreasonable.

When my boss left there was a huge collection, 10 pounds each. There was also a party, everyone had to contribute, so,maybe 7 pounds.
When She had tge baby I just sent a text as I had already spent 17 pounds ... I'm a lone parent, funds are tight, that was more than I could afford anyway.

Evertone else went out buying cards and more gifts, And I was the only one that didn't..

Abitlikechicken · 17/09/2012 06:48

Congratulations! If it's your first I can tell you that baby will bring you more joy than any job ever will. I think YANBU at all, but yes the start of term is a busy time. If it was me, I might be tempted to send another email with pics to a strategically chosen member of staff on your team who can deseminate pics and rally the troops! Or is this just me being passive aggressive?

Bobbish · 17/09/2012 06:56

I had this after the birth of DD2. I was quite bitter about it to be honest - I was hospitalized at 35 weeks though and induced a few days later due to medical issues so I did disappear all if a sudden.

What made it even more galling was that DH's work sent me a hamper of chocolates, smellies and wine and he had only been in that job a week and I'd never met any of them.

I also later found out that me and another woman off on maternity leave were deliberately excluded from the Xmas party by the organizers as they felt we didn't count while off.

Congrats though!

RattersReward · 17/09/2012 07:14

The same thing happened to me. I've been in my current job for eight years but due to my line of work I was forced to move to an office while I was pregnant. My temporary colleagues had a collection for me & gave me a card when I left on ML. My permanent ones didn't even bother with a card after I had PFB.

Sod them.

The thing is some pregnant women are accommodated in my normal place of work but they couldn't wait to move me. I have mixed feelings about returning to work soon.

A long time ago I thought of the people I work with as friends, they're only colleagues now.

batteryhen · 17/09/2012 07:26

I have had this. I have worked with my company for 21 years and didn't even get a card let alone flowers. What really got hit home was that I had 3 bunches of flowers from DPs work place in total. I have never even met some of his colleagues. I had my DS in August but had left work much earlier in April due to lots of leave and mat leave etc.

Before I had the baby , my colleagues kept saying how I must bring the baby in after he was born. Well they can poke off. No card, no new born snuggles! They can poke off. Like already has been said, they are my colleagues, not friends xx

thebeesnees79 · 17/09/2012 07:46

same thing happened to me after I had my first.
I phoned when he was about 4 days old (when discharged home) to say I had him and only the person who answered said congratulations and I never got a card!
I ended up not going back and I was a nurse and yes it feels like a total slap in the face.

jamdonut · 17/09/2012 07:59

Oh Gosh OP...I don't know you, do I? There was someone who had a baby in the hols from our school...I don't think school did anything about it...certainly I haven't been asked to sign anything , though I sent FB congratulations, when I found out. . I think it is a poor show not to send anything.

Bobbish · 17/09/2012 08:02

In fact I posted an AIBU on this at the time! Agree with beesnees that it feels like a slap in the face - it wasn't the material things I was after - just the recognition that everyone else gets on leaving/babies/retiring etc and the knowledge you have been thought about.

I didn't go back there and didn't get a leaving card either, but I couldn't give two shiny shits now

Alligatorpie · 17/09/2012 08:07

My colleagues were great, but I didn't receive a card from my dad and SM!

emmyloo2 · 17/09/2012 08:09

You are not being unreasonable. I am newly pregnant with DC2 and if I didn't get a card from my work I would be mightly pissed off. I work with a very tight knit group though but still.
When I had DC1 I got lovely flowers and gift from my then employers. I think it really depends on who you work with and whether they are good with things like this.

Original poster

needsomesunshine · 17/09/2012 08:12

Thanks everyone. I was beginning to think I was being a bit over sensitive. Like you say it's the fact that you work with these people day in day out. You start to think you are friends then reality hits and you realise you are nothing more then people sharing a work space. There are plenty of people that could've given a nudge to the right person to organise something. Some of them are even friends on Facebook. Oh well a reality check for me! I will enjoy my maternity leave and take my time to go back.

OP posts:

StormGlass · 17/09/2012 08:18

YANBU, if it's normal at your work for a collective card to be passed around.

I'd have been very upset if I hadn't had a card or anything from work when DS was born.

thebeesnees79 · 17/09/2012 08:19

no your not being over sensitive it feels like the best news in the world to you and like they don't give a crap.
My dh work sent a huge bouquet of flowers with chocolates and a card, we had both started our jobs at exactly the same time.
what made it worse for me was that I had a very traumatic birth and ended up with pnd. I was a mental health nurse, ironic hey x

Chelvis · 17/09/2012 08:51

Same here, i got a couple of individual cards (from people who had become friends more than colleagues), but no effort from the whole office/company. When you know they make a fuss for other people (card, wine, flowers and baby clothes normally) it is hurtful ... just don't forget it next time they try to pull the 'we're a great team, all great friends, we help each other out' bullcrap next time they want a favour!

My Dh's work on the other hand were fab - and he hadn't even started the job! He's a teacher and we had DD on the second to last day of summer term, so he'd been in to meet everyone at his new work and meet the class, but wasn't starting until September. They sent flowers, cards, chocolate, biscuits and cakes, baby clothes, toys .... so incredibly generous. Some people are lovely thoughtful people and some people are thoughtless; now I know who is which, I know where to make the effort at least!

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