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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't want to talk to you

42 replies

becstargazeypie · 16/09/2012 09:58

Sometimes I don't want to talk to people. At work my phone rings constantly, e-mails constantly, people hovering next to my desk waiting for me to finish my call so they can talk to me. Then home and listening to DS' latest Star-Wars-related insight related at machine gun speed (I have a very, very talkative child), and DH's crappy day, and then sleep, wake up, pick up the voicemails that came in overnight, and do it all again. Possibly with a bunch of phonecalls from family members thrown in, while my dinner goes cold.

Then every now and then there's a moment, a little oasis of time where I'm expecting to have a bit of peace - DS is having his swimming lesson or playing football, or I'm walking to school to pick him up... These are the only moments where I am likely not to have anyone talking to me and asking me for stuff - And ALWAYS a mum/other carer of kid comes and talks to me. I try to give 'I don't dislike you but please can I just have a moment's peace' type signals but they clearly don't work because they are interpreted as 'I am longing for someone to talk to, and what I would particularly welcome is some competitive comparisons of our child's achievements or some advice on what I should be doing, because my lifestyle is not sufficiently time-consuming'. This isn't aimed at SAHMs at all - the four worst offenders for this that I regularly come across include two grandmothers and one childminder. I suspect most SAHMs are also longing for a bit of peace...

AIBU? Are you all dying for a chat and I'm the only one who just wants to be left to stare into the middle distance for a bit? I occasionally notice comments on MN about mums who are snooty at the school gates, or who 'blank' someone and I think "I wonder if they think that about me" and then I think "No, they can't do, because I have never successfully blanked anyone, even if I am dying, just dying, for a moment where no-one is talking to me." Is that totally unreasonable of me? I'm honestly just asking.

OP posts:
Yokel · 16/09/2012 10:00

YANBU.

That's all I've got to say!

DoMeDon · 16/09/2012 10:02

You need to go everywhere with a book. You don't have to read it but you can use it as a cover.

I have been both types - desperate for alone time and for a chat. Other people aren't mind readers though. Time to put up or shut up (or in your case put up or say shut up Grin)

GilbGeekette · 16/09/2012 10:03

YANBU.

I occasionally turn off my phone and go to the beach. The world needs to learn that it can survive without us for half an hour. And I need to learn that things will not fall apart if I'm un-contactable for a bit.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 16/09/2012 10:04

YANBU.

I have mastered the art of giving out the "fuck off" vibe. You just need to work on yours.

Get in from work. Turn off your phone. Pull the landline out of the wall. Tell your DS and DH that you are going upstairs. And then do it. Lie on top of your bed and relax.

Luckyluckyme · 16/09/2012 10:06

YANBU to want peace and quiet for a while but YABVU if you expect everyone else to know this psychically (sp?)

Why don't you drive to the school and stay in the car or get to the school a bit later just as the kids are coming out so you avoid conversation?

becstargazeypie · 16/09/2012 10:10

I don't drive to school because I don't own a car Luckyluckyme I don't arrive late to school because that would upset DS and the gates seem to open anytime between 3:20 and 3:40 so I can't time it precisely and still be there for him when he comes out.

God I would love to have a 'fuck off' vibe. I seem to have a 'please talk to me' vibe.

Thanks for the all the YANBUs - they are oddly comforting. Here, have some Biscuit by way of thanks! Grin

OP posts:
cocolepew · 16/09/2012 10:10

Put earphones in and pretend you're listening to music. Don't do what my friend did though and forget to plug them into something.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 16/09/2012 10:10

Yanbu.

I get you. I love talking and often chat shit to all and sundry.

But sometimes I just don't want to. I can't. I have a look that I give if I need peace... it usually works Wink

Toughasoldboots · 16/09/2012 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tee2072 · 16/09/2012 10:13

I agree with headphones in and plugged into something. I also talk to myself with my headphones in so it looks like I'm on the phone, when really it's music or even silence.

Classic introvert sign, BTW. Needing quiet time.

Phineyj · 16/09/2012 10:13

Always carry headphones with you and plug them in whenever you want some peace and quiet (they don't need to be attached to anything). I guarantee only the most bossy/clueless person will come along and yak to you if you're plugged in and got your eyes shut. Besides, if you actually have some music on you won't be able to hear them anyway.

Alternatively, you could invest in this tshirt: www.thinkgeek.com/product/a69c/

I don't feel like you (I get depressed if there isn't enough chat in my day) but my DH does. These strategies work quite well for him.

As regards the annoying competitive types, my sister used to smile and say calmly 'we're not really into competitive parenting'.

peedoffbird · 16/09/2012 10:15

Becstar I so empathise with you. My day is the same and I crave headspace. I think you need to make time for yourself as others have said. I do it when I can and have explained to dp that I need it to stay sane! He does the same too. Sometimes I feel like my head will explode if anyone talks to me!!

becstargazeypie · 16/09/2012 10:17

Actually it was earphones that triggered this mini-rant cocolepew I tried earphones yesterday at DS's [name of activity would out me as it's so weird] lesson. The grandma there said 'Excuse me!' and pointed at my earphone - I took one out and she said 'So how's your week been, then? How's DSname maths? GDs name is doing ever so well... blah, blah, blah'

I suppose I should have waited for a pause and then said 'Really? Well I just want to finish listening to this'. But I didn't. I sat holding one earphone out for a bit, then gave up and put my ipod away so I could be given unsolicited advice for an hour, by someone who doesn't share my lifestyle or values. Damn, damn, damn and blast.

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 16/09/2012 10:18

Grin Tee - love the idea of talking to silent earphones - hahahahha

becstargazeypie · 16/09/2012 10:19

That's interesting Tee2072 - I've only recently realised that I'm an introvert. People have always labelled me as being very extrovert as I'm good at acting, giving presentations, public speaking etc. But I'm definitely introvert. I need time alone, or I go a little bit mad. And it's so hard to come by...

OP posts:
AgamaLiz · 16/09/2012 10:21

YANBU , my home phone is on call screen permanently, and i only pick up mobile calls from DCs schools or related agencies most times. Everyone knows now to send a text/email which i deal with at my convenience. At DD1's school gates, i make sure to turn up just as the chattering moms are hurrying off . I even make deals with DD1 that she can chat all she likes about ABC...XYZ but i don't have to answer... Considered getting a job as a train driver once just so i wouldn't have to chat to colleagues

Softlysoftly · 16/09/2012 10:21

YANBU DH sometimes comes in just as I get 5 minutes quiet and talks, in my head I'm thinking shutupshutupshutup

Idocrazythings · 16/09/2012 10:23

I can see where you are coming from, but i do think YAB a little U. I like to chat at the school gate, rather than standing back, just seems a bit anti-social (IMO); but I did hate it when people tried to make small talk with me on my work dinner break (yes I know it's a bit contradictory).

Everyone needs a bit of space. Maybe a hobby just for you is a better place to get your peace and quiet- even if it's just sitting in Starbucks using the free wifi and m'netting (not a bad hobby to have!)

LindyHemming · 16/09/2012 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cocolepew · 16/09/2012 10:25

My phone can be programmed to ring, to get you out of situations, I presume I just have to push a button. I also have the fuck off vibe so don't need it Grin

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 16/09/2012 10:26

That's interesting about needing space and being introverted.

I can waffle for Britain if the mood takes me. But I could happily go all day without talking to anyone. Apart from the dog Wink

Idocrazythings · 16/09/2012 10:26

Just read your 10.17 post- that is unbelievable! You must just be one of those people everyone must want to be around- at least you're not famous- you'd have photographers bothering you too (well u could be famous for all I know!!!)

FermezLaBouche · 16/09/2012 10:28

You're so NBU! I have 25 lovely kids in my class but I swear sometimes I lie in bed with my eyes shut and I can see them, standing round my bed, trying to show me a piece of work, or tell me they've lost their pen....it's quite disturbing!

financialwizard · 16/09/2012 10:29

Yes, definately what cocolepew suggested, or turn your phone onto silent and have your phone to your ear talking into it if necessary.

I never ever get any peace either OP, I can't even go for a wee without my 2 year old knocking on the door.

Thinks she should take her own advice

WinklyFriedChicken · 16/09/2012 10:32

Sometimes I hide in the toilets at work for 5 minutes so people will Just Fucking Stop Talking To Me.