to be baffled that a 19mo "only likes to eat crap"

[PrincessScrumpy]

I was feeding dds lunch at the end of a baby group I attend (dd1 has started reception and so needed to shovel food into twins before collecting dd1 and dtd's nap time, not something I usually do at baby group). It was dairylea sandwiches, a banana between them and a yoghurt each. It was a lunch, nothing fancy, no homemade bread or anything amazingly healthy, just a lunch. One of the mums said "oh I wish my dds would eat healthily like that, they will only eat crap... I try to give them healthy stuff but my partner's a nightmare. He's always giving them chocolate biscuits for breakfast and crisps all the time."

I really try not to judge other parents as there's always the fact you don't know what goes on behind closed doors etc but I find this statement crazy. It may well be that my dds would prefer a chocolate biscuit for breakfast but it's not an option. At 19mo us adults are fully in control of food.

AIBU to be at this or is this normal and I live in a bubble?

We plan meals together in our house because it's the adult's job to involve the children in decision making, because life is an ongoing learning process

Sparklingbrook I don't know about the UK, but in I'm pretty sure in Italy the guidlines say no chocolate for under 1s, because it's hard to digest/does something to bowels

I really fancy some dairlylea spread on crackers now.

My daughter is 2 1/2, she eats what I cook. Sometimes I offer a choice of what I cook, noodles or rice, peas or broccoli, that sort of thing, and she gets her preference. But no way does she get crisps or chocolate biscuits for breakfast. They are treats for after meals. I think the OP is basically stating her surprise at what some people consider to be healthy in comparison to others, The main problem is that a lot of people don't have the nutritional knowledge about what constitutes a healthy meal. BTW we had veggie sausages, home made oven chips, carrots, broccoli and cauliflower for tea, followed by raspberries and blueberries topped with Yoghurt. She scoffed the lot, but I know I'm really lucky she eats so well.

My DS2 was a horror to wean. I made every sort of fruit / vegetable puree you can think of and he refused to eat any of it. I kept persevering with the recommended 'healthy' foods, but if he didn't like something, he would turn his nose up and eat nothing at all. He ended up under the care of a dietitian because he wasn't putting weight on. Believe it or not, she advised me to feed him on sausages, cakes, biscuits, ice-cream, fish fingers - ANYTHING to get calories into him! He was two and a half before he finally ate a banana - his first proper fruit. So, no, parents don't always have full control over what their child eats, even at 19 months old. Sometimes pragmatism wins out.

badgerina if I planned meals which all 4 children agreed to ,we'd never eat anything

some kids are just really fussy. My ds has so far grown up on a diet of ham, cheese, beans, pasta, chips, bread, and occasionally chicken, burger or grudgingly sausage or fish fingers. He eats carrots sometimes and banana, that's it for fruit and veg. He's been like this since weaning, he's now 7. His younger sister eats a varied and healthy diet. I put the same on ds plate and it's ignored or he goes into meltdown. I have tried, believe me I have tried. Veg bribery, veg by stealth, veg by force, nothing works. Amazingly he is a well grown very athletic boy, with boundless energy. Goodness knows how on that diet, but it seems to work for him just now. Maybe he needs the quick release carbs/high sugar/high fat?

I don't plan meals that everyone agrees to. I tend to cook meals that have "elements" to them. Bits that can be chosen or not, depending on preference.

On the days when he doesn't like any of it, I let him sort himself out from the fridge, or eat the bits he likes and leave the bits he doesn't. No questions asked. It isn't a big deal. Its exactly like Baby-Led Weaning for an older child.

It works for us, might not for others. Some days I bite my tongue and think "bloody hell, I WISH he'd eat some green vegetables" but then I remind myself that 2 weeks ago he was in a serious broccoli phase and ate shed loads of it.

I should add DS is Asperger's and is extremely faddy about his food. He'll get really into something for ages, then won't eat it at all for months. It's not that I'm blessed with a child who just eats anything. I've just had to let go of my preconceptions about how a child "should" eat. I'd imagine that if a child with a serious developmental condition can be trusted to eat what he needs, then most kids can.

Some people call it "un-fooding" or "Autonomous Eating". There's a great book about this approach called "Preventing Childhood Eating Problems". It's on Amazon.

But they will eat what they are given. At the local preschool, the children are fed fruit & vegetables for morning and afternoon tea, and one of 5 menu items for lunch, all nutritionally balanced. And they all eat it. Some are vegetarian, some are vegan, some have allergies, but they are all provided with healthy food and they do all eat it.

I'm laughing at health Dairylea

In our household you eat what's put in front of you. Toddler, pre-schooler and adults all eat the same thing. If you don't like it, you wait until everyone has finished then you may leave the table. Same rules apply to all!

I agree OP.

I am constantly suprised by what some people feed their kids and what they think constitutes a healthy diet. Yesterday I was with someone who gave her 18 month old a whole packet of party rings in an hour and clearly thought I was crazy because I didn't want my 15 month old to have one.