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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be baffled that a 19mo "only likes to eat crap"

61 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 15/09/2012 21:31

I was feeding dds lunch at the end of a baby group I attend (dd1 has started reception and so needed to shovel food into twins before collecting dd1 and dtd's nap time, not something I usually do at baby group). It was dairylea sandwiches, a banana between them and a yoghurt each. It was a lunch, nothing fancy, no homemade bread or anything amazingly healthy, just a lunch. One of the mums said "oh I wish my dds would eat healthily like that, they will only eat crap... I try to give them healthy stuff but my partner's a nightmare. He's always giving them chocolate biscuits for breakfast and crisps all the time."

I really try not to judge other parents as there's always the fact you don't know what goes on behind closed doors etc but I find this statement crazy. It may well be that my dds would prefer a chocolate biscuit for breakfast but it's not an option. At 19mo us adults are fully in control of food.

AIBU to be at this or is this normal and I live in a bubble?

OP posts:

slatternlymother · 16/09/2012 11:26

I agree in that I wouldn't offer a biscuit for breakfast. Because it doesn't fill you up for the day, or set you up right. I personally feel rubbish if I eat rubbish for breakfast.

But I also can see that with food; it's a pick your battles thing. DS will not eat bread. At all. So sandwiches etc are out. No idea why.

bigkidsdidit · 16/09/2012 11:27

I agree entirely

At 7 or 8 ( or even 4 or 5) it is entirely different but at 18mo they only know what they are given to eat. Don't give them crap and they'll eat a banana. If the dad is giving them chocolate every day OBVIOUSLY theyll hold out for that rather than having a sandwich

Startailoforangeandgold · 16/09/2012 11:30

DD1 was a horribly fussy baby, got rapidly better as a small child and now eats everything, including fish that DH won't

DD2 was a dream to feed as a baby and is a horribly fussy eater. Even at 11 she's still a total pita. She does at least accept now that she is a pain, but getting her to try anything new is still a real struggle.

crackcrackcrak · 16/09/2012 11:31

Chocolate biscuits for breakfast is dumb. They can only eat what you provide.
That said now I think back dd was a bit of a pain coming up to her 2nd birthday and wanted to exist entirely on bloody pouches. Exp raged at me about it but it was a phase and it passed.
I think you have to persevere with diet though and keep trying healthier food

Startailoforangeandgold · 16/09/2012 11:32

at give them a banana and they will eat a banana.

There was a large stain on my parents sofa.

Mum fed me banana, I threw banana up, I still can't eat banana.

Eventually Mum recovered the sofa

SheppySheepdog · 16/09/2012 11:36

As long as mine are eating something, I am happy.

Badgerina · 16/09/2012 12:26

I wouldn't serve chocolate biscuits for breakfast, but DS is a fridge-forager

If I was going to offer toast and eggs for brekkie, then chocolate biscuits as a snack at 11ish, it makes not an iota of difference what order these get eaten in does it.

Obviously this is weekend eating I'm talking about. DS has fruit, cereal and yoghurt during the week. Normally.

CamperFan · 16/09/2012 12:36

pinkforever - the OP says the woman's DP is giving them biscuits for breakfast when she would prefer to try healthier food. Not your comment "some kids are just different" is quite right in this case. Yes, all kids are different, but so are all parents, and if my DH was giving the kids biscuits for breakfast when I didn't want him to, I'd be pretty pissed off. I don't think the OP is being THAT judgey tbh.

holyfishnets · 16/09/2012 12:57

I think not offering the child crap means they never eat crap.

Sparklingbrook · 16/09/2012 13:05

I have been the Mum who sat with the baby who refused to eat anything that was lovingly cooked, and all the fruit and veg in the world. Day after day after day. He then decided he wouldn't eat anything presented on a spoon.

It's not as simple as offering all the good stuff and they will eat it.

He is 13 now and eats fairly healthily, but I will never forget those awful days and if I see Annabel Karmel I will have stern words for her.....

Notcontent · 16/09/2012 14:17

I agree completely.

My dd was quite fussy as a toddler. But it never crossed my mind to give her crisps or other crap. We once went away on holiday when she was 18 months, and for a whole week she refused to eat anything other than plain bread, fruit and toddler milk. But that was fine.

Badgerina · 16/09/2012 17:03

I absolutely see the sense in not offering a weaning baby, or a toddler or a younger child crisps or chocolate and the like - they're still young and their bodies aren't ready for all that salt and sugar, but surely if these things continue to be "verboten" then they become oh so tantalisingly tempting?

We don't do "treat" food in our house. It's all just food. DS self-regulates and has a very neutral relationship with crisps and sweets. He has his favourites (he LOVES custard, and cauliflower cheese, not in the same bowl. Any more... ), but will eat most stuff at one point or another, depending on what he's hungry for at the time.

I think what often happens is that choice is taken away from a child about what they eat. Adults produce a specific type of food, perhaps the child is not in the mood for that food, nobody ASKS the child: "what are you hungry for?", no suitable alternative is offered, no free choice is given, the child doesn't see WHY it has to eat that food, right now, just because the adult says so, and so a battle has already begun. It doesn't mean the child doesn't like that food, it means they don't like it right now just because mummy says so.

You wouldn't make an adult eat something they weren't in the mood for, in fact when you cook for yourself and a partner, you discuss: "what do you fancy for dinner tonight?". We tend to be very bossy about food with our children. No wonder they get stubborn, they learn it from us.

bigkidsdidit · 16/09/2012 17:07

Badger there is a happy medium. DS had an ice cream yesterday when we were out, it was a treat and he loved it (my DS is also 19mo like in the OP). But to give a child chocolate every day and then moan he won't eat a banana is mad.

Badgerina · 16/09/2012 17:08

Who gives a child chocolate every day?

Sparklingbrook · 16/09/2012 17:12

At what age is chocolate acceptable for children?

Sparklingbrook · 16/09/2012 17:16

Ignore last post. I was getting confused with the Freddo thread.

issey6cats · 16/09/2012 17:19

my older two DS1 and DD were never fussy about what food they ate but DS2 up to 12 months would eat everything given then for the next 12 months after breakfast (cereals usually) would only eat cheese chunks, yoghurts and bacon . i could not get anything else down him if i put the cheese or bacon in bread he would take out the filling and leave the bread, he got no sweets or crisps or any treats still didnt work that was all he would eat, at 24 months he went to a new childminder as i went back to work and within a week she had got him eating everything again, hes 30 now and will eat whatever is put in front of him so luckily for me it was just a faze he went through for 12 months

Mibby · 16/09/2012 17:20

So what do you do with a child who doesnt want what youve given them right now but cant articulate what they do want? Or one who asks for stuff that you know isnt good for them? 3 bananas for dinner will only lead to tummy ache. Or stuff you dont have? Cook multiple choices and waste most of it? Or give them stuff previously eaten and let them go without if they dont eat it?

bigkidsdidit · 16/09/2012 17:22

The OP was about a toddler who wouldn't eat anything because his dad gave him crap to eat every day

catwoo · 16/09/2012 17:22

Haver you considered taht when your Dc are as young as yours Op you have a lot of control in what they eat.My eldest never had eaten sweets or chocolate up to school age.
By the time DC4 came along with 3 older siblings, eldest at secondary, not a chance of banning chocolate!

Badgerina · 16/09/2012 17:38

Mibby

3 bananas for dinner will only lead to tummy ache Did something bad happen to your kid after eating 3 bananas?

Fruit, yoghurt, sandwiches, cheese cubes and nuts, pasta with different toppings, baked potato in the microwave... I dunno? We always have "stuff" in the fridge available for fuss-pots to help themselves to. Or they can eat the bits of dinner they like, and supplement with something else.

I only ever cook one meal for dinner, I don't do a la carte, but anyone is welcome to eat a la fridge .

Badgerina · 16/09/2012 17:40

I'm feeling very ironic at the moment - DH and I have been doing MAD DIY all day, and I'm about to order a pizza from Dominos Haha!

bigkidsdidit · 16/09/2012 17:58

Badger once DS is in bed I've got kettle chips and Sancerre for my dins :)

HeavyBoots · 16/09/2012 18:13

Ha! The very idea of "don't feel like that particular food right now" would be met with derision in our house. The adults choose the menu because (a) we understand nutrition and (b) we have much better taste. There are no choices. There is also no coercion. I come from a nation where fussy eating is seen as a developmental problem that a child must be helped through. Communal family meals are an important civilising influence. None of this biscuits for breakfast!!
We don't snack at home and there are health warnings on advertising for snack food. My kids had a very fussy phase and are still worse than their cousins but they will eat most things, are the right size and have ahealthy attitude to food.

Badgerina · 16/09/2012 18:16

Glad I don't live in your house HeavyBoots.

bigkidsdidit YUM!

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