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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being OTT?

50 replies

Thingiebob · 15/09/2012 14:30

I am not sure but I may be about to miscarry. I have various bleeding and some cramps over the last two days. Not a huge amount but enough for me to be worried. I have seen a Doc and have a scan on Tuesday. The nearest A & E is half hour away, I don't drive, don't know anyone else who would take me apart from DH.

He has looked after me and DD all day, cups of tea, housework etc but now he wants to know if he can have a few beers this evening at home in front of telly. We are planning a takeaway and a snuggle to take our minds of things.

If he drinks, I have no way of getting to A & E if gets really bad. He didn't have any alcohol last night for this reason but I think he thinks that I am going to be ok so asked if he could have some beer tonight.
I ummed and ahhed. I haven't bled today and actually feel ok, but having never had a miscarriage before I don't know whether it might just start out of the blue.

AIBU to tell him no. I know it will piss him off. Or am I being OTT? He said 'We can get a taxi if it gets bad, I just want to relax tonight'.

I really don't know if I am being OTT or sensible as my judgement is quite clouded.

OP posts:
HairyToothbrush · 15/09/2012 14:33

No YADNBU! To be honest I cant even believe he would even ask. Tell him he's not drinking.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 15/09/2012 14:35

Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't think you are being OTT though I can see both sides.

I get why he'd be wanting a drink, but I wouldn't want to get a taxi in that situation either, really.

If I'm anywhere near you you could ring me? I'm in Oxford.

SCOTCHandWRY · 15/09/2012 14:36

Sorry to hear you are going through this - been there, a few times. This may not end in miscarriage. Sadly you have to wait and see.... I don't think either of you are being unreasonable, you have to work out what is best for both of you - I would advise that YOU should not drink alcohol at this point.

honeytea · 15/09/2012 14:36

If you had to go to a and e would he not stay at home with your dd anyway? A and e isn't a place to take a child unless absolutely necessary.

I'd let him have a drink, get a taxi if you need to.

I hope it works out ok for you.

Original poster
Thingiebob · 15/09/2012 14:39

OK
I will tell him not to drink.
He won't drink if I ask him to, but he will be a bit cheesed off.

Annoying because he spent the last 11 years being teetotal! Now suddenly he has discovered that he likes beer. I think he is a bit like a child with a new toy.

Very kind of you LRD but I am in Somerset, although I used to live quite near Oxford in Abingdon.

OP posts:
deleted203 · 15/09/2012 14:40

Go to A&E now. It will be better than worrying. I had 4 miscarriages and I'm sorry to say all were out of the blue like this. How many weeks pregnant? Mine were all under 14 weeks, so early days, and I assume if you've had scan you are further along than that. He is being a bit of a tit, TBH. You are terrified you are losing baby and he just wants to relax and have a drink. Does he think you can relax? If you are miscarrying, sadly there is nothing that A&E can do to help. However, I do think it might be better for you to go get checked immediately as they might be able to reassure you that it was a simple bleed and that the baby is ok. And in that case DH could probably have a drink tonight. Hope everything turns out all right.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 15/09/2012 14:45

I'm glad you're telling him, TBH, I think it's the right thing though of course my heart goes out to the both of you.

Original poster
Thingiebob · 15/09/2012 14:45

I can leave DD with her DG. I am seven weeks and have been told I can't be scanned until next week. I have been to the hospital and have been sent away again as there is very little they can do at this stage.

OP posts:
WhatYouLookingAt · 15/09/2012 14:48

Sorry to be blunt, but you don't need to go to A&E. If you are going to miscarry, you will, and there is nothing a&e can do to help you. They might not have any scanning equipment available anyway, and on a saturday night it will be heaving. Not a place you want to deal with the realities.
I've been there and really, you're better off at home.

harleyd · 15/09/2012 14:48

if you are going to miscarry then theres nothing much that either he or a&e can do unfortunatley
cant see the problem with him having a few beers

Tillyscoutsmum · 15/09/2012 14:57

Sorry you're going through this OP. I have been through this a number of times (for the record, sometimes I have miscarried but I also bled and cramped with both of my successful pregnancies). Either way, I'm another who can't see the need or point of going to A&E. They are horrible places on a weekend night. If the worst does happen, then your GP (out of hours if necessary) can prescribe painkillers if needed and refer for a scan for confirmation Sad

Having said all that, you'd be perfectly reasonable to ask your DH to remain sober so he is there for you (in a non alcohol fuelled capacity) if anything does happen

Original poster
Thingiebob · 15/09/2012 15:20

Ok that's interesting.

I think that's what DH thinks. We will be at home if anything happens and tonight we are trying to chill out and not expect the worst.

I don't drink btw.

OP posts:
redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 15/09/2012 16:09

do you not have an early prergnancy unit at your hospital? ring the gp and find out. they can scan early.. it is an internal scan though. they may not be able to tell you much.

the hospital gave me the option of staying home and taking paracetamol or going in if i could not cope. it hurt too much to move so paracetamol and at home it was. comfort of own surroundings and all that.

i bled all through the following pregnancy but only spotting

GoldShip · 15/09/2012 16:14

harleyd what the actual fuck? So she should be left at home to miscarry while he goes out for beers?!

Any normal caring partner would want to stay with his partner if there was a risk of miscarriage! To support and love her despite there being 'nothing he can do' in terms of saving the baby.

OP you tell him to stay in and tell him to get his priorities right. I hope you're okay I really do. You deserve more support than this x

harleyd · 15/09/2012 16:18

"He has looked after me and DD all day, cups of tea, housework etc but now he wants to know if he can have a few beers this evening at home in front of telly. We are planning a takeaway and a snuggle to take our minds of things."

did you read the op?

i didnt say he should go out and get rip-roaring drunk! ffs

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 16:19

GoldShip he doesn't want to go out and leave the OP hat home.

OP as a couple who don't own a car and didn't during my pregnancies either, I'd say let him drink if he wants to.

There will always be a taxi or even an ambulance available.

Very best of luck though Thanks

GoldShip · 15/09/2012 16:20

Shit I do apologise I sped read! A poor one at that!

LydiasMiletus · 15/09/2012 16:20

It doesn't say he is going out.

LydiasMiletus · 15/09/2012 16:21

X post.

harleyd · 15/09/2012 16:23

just incase its unclear, i have nothing but sympathy for the op and i hope everything is going to be alrite

charlottehere · 15/09/2012 16:26

I can understand why he wants a beer to help him relax, he is preumbly stressed out by all this too? But he will have to sacrifice that as you may need him to take you to a&e. I have my fingers crossed all will be well. xx

charlottehere · 15/09/2012 16:28

Oh and I agree don't bother going to a&e now as they usually don't scan at weekends anyway.

SaraBellumHertz · 15/09/2012 16:35

Honestly I would be happy to have DH have a beer in these circumstances.

There is absolutely nothing A&E can do for you if you're having a miscarriage unless the bleeding is really severe in which case you need an ambulance, do I'd cuddle up on the sofa and try and relax as much as possible.

SaraBellumHertz · 15/09/2012 16:37

Posted too soon. A&E's are generally miserable places. You are far better off in your own home with your own bathroom and your DH to hand.

Wishing you the best.

Feminine · 15/09/2012 16:41

Sorry, but don't let him drink.

I had a similar situation to you, without wanting to scare you I ended up in A&E...in an Ambulance!

Its not just a tiny drop of blood you know. I mean that in the nicest way~ if you don't want to go through the trauma of 999, ask him to refrain.

I'm sorry you both have to deal with this :(

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