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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being OTT?

50 replies

Thingiebob · 15/09/2012 14:30

I am not sure but I may be about to miscarry. I have various bleeding and some cramps over the last two days. Not a huge amount but enough for me to be worried. I have seen a Doc and have a scan on Tuesday. The nearest A & E is half hour away, I don't drive, don't know anyone else who would take me apart from DH.

He has looked after me and DD all day, cups of tea, housework etc but now he wants to know if he can have a few beers this evening at home in front of telly. We are planning a takeaway and a snuggle to take our minds of things.

If he drinks, I have no way of getting to A & E if gets really bad. He didn't have any alcohol last night for this reason but I think he thinks that I am going to be ok so asked if he could have some beer tonight.
I ummed and ahhed. I haven't bled today and actually feel ok, but having never had a miscarriage before I don't know whether it might just start out of the blue.

AIBU to tell him no. I know it will piss him off. Or am I being OTT? He said 'We can get a taxi if it gets bad, I just want to relax tonight'.

I really don't know if I am being OTT or sensible as my judgement is quite clouded.

OP posts:

Feminine · 15/09/2012 16:43

Also, if you are slightly more than 7 weeks its even more vital.

I only miscarried^ but needed medical help.

lljkk · 15/09/2012 16:50

I would let him drink because he is stressed out too & needs his own way to unwind. As long as it's only a couple of beers, & he's competent to talk to taxi driver & hold your hand with love, I don't see the problem.

What about your DD, though, does someone need to stay with her?

SaraBellumHertz · 15/09/2012 16:58

feminine that is kind of the point though. If you need medical attention then you need an ambulance (as you say) so if her DH has had a beer it's. Ot going to make a difference.

OP the chances are that you won't need medical attention if the worst happens and "managing" the situation at home is so much more bearable.

Feminine · 15/09/2012 17:08

Well I'd like my DH as clear headed as possible.

Getting the Ambulance is no picnic. In the op's vulnerable position I'd like to think her husband could do without...

COCKadoodledooo · 15/09/2012 17:10

A beer or two won't stop him being able to drive, unless they're huge or strong ale.

When I miscarried earlier this year my GP advised going to a&e if/when I began to pass clots (tmi sorry). I'm glad I did, as I was v poorly and no way could I or dh have coped at home. I guess if we had still been at home we'd have needed an ambulance anyway so from that point of view it wouldn't have mattered if dh had been drinking. I'd have been mightily pissed off if he hadn't been capable of sincere sensitive genuine hand holding though.

I guess what I mean is I don't think he is BU to want a beer, but I don't think you're BU to not want him to. Helpful huh?

I wish you well op x

scentednappyhag · 15/09/2012 17:14

Could he not compromise and have a non alcoholic beer? Or only one so he's still under the limit?
I feel for you both and see both sides, I'm sorry you're going through this OP
If it helps at all though, I bled and cramped for a week while pregnant, in and out of the early pregnancy unit and GP surgery, and DD is currently sat here stealing my onion rings. Wishing you strength and good luck x

Feminine · 15/09/2012 17:15

I get your point cock its much the same thing I guess...:)

SaraBellumHertz · 15/09/2012 17:18

feminine sorry if I gave the impression that I was belittling your experience- I speak from experience when I say that I know being ambulanced to hospital is no picnic. I had (my second) miscarriage two weeks ago: I was blue lighted to hospital after collapsing at work and had emergency surgery and a blood transfusion but I am aware this is extremely unusual.

I had to be in hospital it if there had been anyway I could have coped at home that is absolutely where I'd rather have been.

The OP does not know that she is miscarrying - hopefully she won't- but sometimes the being on tenterhooks can make a bad situ worse.

Really wishing you the best OP

Feminine · 15/09/2012 17:22

sara I didn't get that from your post :)

I guess I just err on the side of caution these days...my situation sounds very much like yours~ sorry you had that too.

I am also wishing the best to op

justbreathe · 15/09/2012 17:28

Sorry Op .. Ireally hope it turns out to be nothing. If you are going to miscarry there's very little the hospital can do to stop you, its natures way of making sure only the viable preganancies go to term. I assume Dh jsut wants a beer and doesn't want to get pissed ! Try to have a relaxed evening together , let him have a beer and get a taxi if you have too.

gordyslovesheep · 15/09/2012 17:33

Oh :( sorry you are going through this x

In your situation I was happy for me ex to have a beer or 3 - there is very little that can be done and I didn't need A+E all 5 times (I did need surgery once but not emergency)

everyone is different but in the very rare situation that you did need A+E an ambulance might be a better option anyway

MyLastDuchess · 15/09/2012 17:39

If it helps at all though, I bled and cramped for a week while pregnant, in and out of the early pregnancy unit and GP surgery, and DD is currently sat here stealing my onion rings. Wishing you strength and good luck x

I want to second this. I had heavy bleeding (like a heavy period) from 6 weeks onwards (didn't stop completely until about 12 weeks.) I did not see how I could possibly still be pregnant. DS is now 2 yo and running me ragged.

I don't want to give you false hope, but I really really hope that it will work out for you like it did for me.

I think you are both being reasonable and other posters have covered your options above so I won't go over that again. I just wanted to wish you all the best and I hope it works out.

SaraBellumHertz · 15/09/2012 17:40

Feminine

OP on a more positive note I have three lovely even if I say so myself DC's and I bled significantly with all of them throughout my pregnancy.

bionicmummy · 15/09/2012 17:45

How many weeks are you OP?

I had bleeding and cramps between weeks 6-8. Went to midwife unit locally and they did a scan and all was okay. They said it was just implantation?

IKnowItsMyFaultBut · 15/09/2012 17:47

It's only beer. I think he can live without it for a bit.

holyfishnets · 15/09/2012 17:59

Do you mind going in a taxi if needed? If not they yes he can have a couple of drinks. If you do mind a taxi ride and preferred he would drive then maybe he can have one drink. Do bear in mind that there is a very very very small chance you could have an ectopic pregnancy, so do make your way to A&E if the pain is bad. I had 3 M/C's - one at 6 weeks, one at 8 weeks and one at 12 weeks. The later two were very painful and they gave me morphine

holyfishnets · 15/09/2012 18:01

Also I must add that althoug I M/C's 3 times I also bled and cramped with all my three children too.

Original poster

Thingiebob · 15/09/2012 18:16

Hi again

I am seven weeks. I have other family around me just he is the only driver.
worra has a point... People exist without cars. We did for many years!

He has already sunk two glasses of wine and went a bit white when I said to him 'what if?' apparently I gave him the go ahead earlier which, truth be told, I was a bit vague then asked if he would come with me in a taxi. He said of course he would. That was a green light for him to relax with a drink. He has opted for a glass of wine.

To be honest, I think if the tables were turned and there was a chance he would need to go for some emergency treatment, I wouldn't have considered drinking. That's what annoys me.

He is downstairs making dinner and playing with dd. He's been great so far.

Thank you for all your responses.

OP posts:

mum4041 · 15/09/2012 20:34

Having gone to A&E with a miscarriage - it's horrible and I wouldn't do it again knowing what i do now. If you're going to miscarry, it's going to happen. There's no advantage to going to A&E. They just keep you waiting for hours and hours, don't scan (they don't have scanning facilities) then give you a small op to take out anything left. Sorry if TMI. You really are better off going to an early pregnancy unit when it's open. It doesn't sound like my miscarriage. I had a lot of bleeding all of a sudden - no warning. But I've only had the one so I don't know a lot.

I honestly don't see the harm in him having a a few beers. Particularly if you can get a taxi if you need one.

Sending you my best x

GreenShadow · 15/09/2012 20:48

Mum4041. Not all miscarriages are sudden or intense. Unfortuantely they can be like the OP is experiencing.
Mine was very gradual, building up over several days. Started with spotting, then bit more, little bit of cramps, until after about a week, very painful heavy bleeding.

CombineBananaFister · 15/09/2012 21:04

Really feel for you Op, i bet the only thing you want right now is to be able to have a scan right this second to find out, waiting is the nightmare bit. I know it's not a justification and I can see why you would be annoyed because it seems like he's not taking it seriously/being disrespectful but he might be stressed and thinks a drink might calm him down and not realise how it comes across to you? ( it sounds like the sort of thing my DH would do, divvy bugger) Maybe let him have a couple as long as he remains competent. I too had bleeding at 7weeks and 12weeks it was totally fine so don't think the worse (easy to say because i remember how i felt at the time, good luck)

COCKadoodledooo · 16/09/2012 09:10

How are you doing this morning Thingiebob? Thinking of you x

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 16/09/2012 09:14

Hang on...he has been teetotal for 11 years, then has started drinking, and will get annoyed if he is asked not to drink while his partner is possibly having a MC, and is acting 'like a child with a new toy' over alcohol?

OP - Is your DP a recovered alcoholic who has recently fallen off the wagon? Were you together 11 years ago when he stopped drinking?

This doesn't sit well with me...

Original poster

Thingiebob · 16/09/2012 11:07

I'm ok actually. Just some cramps and light bleeding.

Couthy No he's not a recovering alcoholic. Really. This is a common assumption made by people when he informed them he was teetotal. The situation is he is on long term medication which mixed with alcohol made him feel pretty unwell so through choice 11 years ago he stopped drinking. He wasn't a big drinker in the first place so it was pretty easy for him. I was with him when he stopped.

In the last year he has changed meds and discovered that he can now have a glass of wine or some beers without having the reaction he used to have. It's quite nice because we have a few glasses of wine together now!

Anyway, I lost my temper and laid into him about drinking later on in the evening, then embarrassed myself by collapsing in a big sodden heap. He was lovely and very apologetic. I thought I was handling things but clearly not as I went completely postal

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/09/2012 14:13

Oh, I'm so glad to hear you're ok.

Don't worry about going postal - I'd be incredibly stressed and it sounds as if it turned out fine anyway, if that was his reaction.

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