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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

at wot age do u stop worrying or caring bout ur kids

65 replies

deedge · 15/09/2012 05:11

my only daughter is 20 and has left home yet again after being caught stealing and lying and clearing out my bank account leaving me and the boys with no money all for a boy/man who already has a child that he doesnt pay for or sees, she has told that many lies that her brothers now dont want anything to do with her and to be truthful at the min i dont even like her, do i just let her get on with things and hope she cums to her senses or do i try to make her see sense, this is effecting our home life as the 2 eldest boys 22 and 14 dont want anything to do with her but the youngest 7 misses her as they were always close

OP posts:

Nagoo · 15/09/2012 14:19

I think that you should ask for this thread to be deleted when you have finished OP, as you have given away a lot of info and threads in AIBU are not deleted after a certain time.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 15/09/2012 14:23

Go on Jezza.

He'll sort it for you

Nagoo · 15/09/2012 14:30

Fucking hell.

Sorry people are being such snobby fuckers OP.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 15/09/2012 14:34

Nope not snobby at all.

But when a but taking into account the use of the dc's names, the word cum and the title I don't believe it.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 15/09/2012 14:35

But when taking into account

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 15/09/2012 14:36

Oh and all the text speak obviously.

A lot of it on here today

JugglingWithPossibilities · 15/09/2012 14:41

I'll never stop worrying or caring about my two. HTH

2girls2dogs · 15/09/2012 14:58

funnily enough, i didn't notice the textspeak until it was pointed out, i guess i wasn't concentrating. Can you only post your problems in here if you are educated with well behaved children?

OP - My DD1 is 22, she went through a stage at the age of about 15-17 when she was vile (this did co-incide with a huge upheavel in her life but still didn't make it any easier to cope with). She was drinking, involved with people who took drugs and i daresay she smoked a bit of weed. It was a really difficult time and i had just had DD2. I made her go and stay with my mum (who lives around the corner) as the arguments at home with a nightmare. This was meant to be for a couple of weeks!! she never did come back home Yep, im grinning because it was the best thing that could have happened for us. When she started college she was working at McDonalds and not finishing until late, off out quite late in the evenings and i didn't want her crashing in at all hours so I said to her, if you are to be late, stay at your nans, she just stayed there. Then she met her DP who when she was about 18 sort of moved in with him (he lived with his parents). She came home for dinner when she felt like it etc. Now her and her DP are both working, they have a nice little flat, which whilst its a bit far away for my likin (about 30 miles) Im really proud of her and happy for them, its a lovely flat right on the seafront, they are lucky.

Do i still worry about her? Yes, of course i do - but not so much as if she was living at home. If she comes home late after a night out, i don't know about it, but shes relatively sensible and lazy and wont walk home alone etc, either gets a lift with mates, stays over or her DP picks her up, or of course, she is out with him. He is a nice sensible guy though, in fact i call him Mr sensible shoes because hes a bit boring and shy, but sooner that than a junkie or pisshead loser. I would probably worry alot more if she wasn't with her DP or he was a twat.

Would i want her to move back home? NO BLOODY WAY!! Saying that, if she ever found herself needing a place to say of course we would make room for her, but practically, she would probably go back to my mums just because there is more room for her there.

The way you feel about them does change, i am obviously far more protective and maternal to my DD2, shes only 7. I would die for both of my children and woe betide anyone who hurts them, but I now trust DD1 to take care of herself, our relationship is better for it

MarthasHarbour · 15/09/2012 15:08

OP you have named your son and daughter on this thread. And given way too much information.

MarthasHarbour · 15/09/2012 15:11

And i am sorry but the textspeak doesn't sit right with me too.

ShellyBoobs · 15/09/2012 15:15

I'm sorry, I just don't get it.

Your title refers to your kids (multiple) being unreasonable but it's only your daughter who's done something unreasonable isn't it?

Or is there more to it and you're saying the boys are also being unreasonable in not wanting their sister around?

Very, very confusing...

Thumbwitch · 15/09/2012 15:22

To answer your OP - you let her get on with it and if you had any sense you'd send the police after her to attempt to recover what she stole from you.

Allowing her to get away with her frankly shocking criminal behaviour does her no favours at all and I can quite see why her brothers want nothing to do with her, although if your oldest boy has also stolen from you then he's a total hypocrite.

My BIL is a sponging waster at 37 - the reason being that MIL has always given in and taken him back in, done everything for him, paid his bills, including the mortgage on the house she bought for him from a relative - and he has repaid her with drunken violence (mostly to her stuff rather than her, luckily) and generally ripping her off. He finally sold the house - did she get any money back? Did she fuck. He's now spent it all and has, amazingly, got himself a job! Which will last until he has a drunken row with someone, when he'll attempt to come crawling back to his Mum again. Only this time, he won't get back there, because she has a restraining order out on him.

Do you want to be like her? Do you want to give your children licence to be like my useless BIL? If not, toughen up and do the right thing - make your DD pay you back and understand that what she has done is criminal.

ZZZenAgain · 15/09/2012 15:23

sorry I am a bit confused -so in your home atm are you, a 7 year old, a 14 year old and a 22 year old who just moved back a year ago. Dd's boyfriend is living with a junkie somewhere and after running up debts whilst living in your home, dd and the boyfriend moved out.

Where is dd living atm?

ShellyBoobs · 15/09/2012 22:58

Well I've now realised that the 'ur kids' in the title aren't unreasonable kids but instead are actually kids belonging to someone.

lovebunny · 16/09/2012 01:44

my only daughter is 20 and has left home yet again
yet again? why does she feel the need to leave home frequently? as a young adult, she'll want her own place, but why has she been coming home and leaving again, repeatedly?

after being caught stealing and lying and clearing out my bank account
that must be unpleasant for you. do all you can to make sure it doesn't happen again. change your pin number. don't write it down.

leaving me and the boys with no money all
three boys, 22, 14 and 7? doesn't the 22 year old earn?

for a boy/man
oh. why is she so desperate for a relationship that she will steal from her mother?

who already has a child that he doesnt pay for or sees,
do we assume from this that he is worthless? why does she have so little self-esteem that she will turn to such a man for affection?

she has told that many lies
why?

that her brothers now dont want anything to do with her
how is that your problem?

and to be truthful at the min i dont even like her
did you ever? isn't it just 'the boys' who matter to you? what does she feel about that?

do i just let her get on with things and hope she cums to her senses
she's twenty. there's not much you can do.

or do i try to make her see sense
what do you propose? you can tell her what you think but there aren't many options available to you.

this is effecting our home life
this troublesome girl is spoiling the fun you have with 'the boys'?

the 2 eldest boys 22 and 14 dont want anything to do with her
so now there is no rival for their affection, there is only you?

but the youngest 7 misses her as they were always close
why do i get the feeling you are not comfortable with this?

are you 'worrying' about your daughter, or just annoyed that she won't get out of your way and leave 'the boys' to you?

any mother would worry if her daughter was involved with a man who seemed 'no good' and if she was stealing and telling lies. you're not being unreasonable. but i think you might need to look at the reasons why she does things.

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