Petrol money

[mimmum]

We went on a holiday this summer and my Mum came with, we drove to Cornwall and all went together in one car, it was a squeeze, as my mum doesn't like to drive long distances. We shared costs equally between us. My mum is quite well off and we do struggle slightly with money but are doing fine overall. My Mum is generous with gifts at random times which is really nice but we don't count on it when we budget IKWIM. Well we spent more than£200 on petrol, when we asked her to make a contribution to petrol she got v upset, then later she told me she had done a straw poll of her friends who said it was v low of us to ask for petrol contribution. She said she was going to give us v generous x-mad pressie so we were silly to ask for this. Well AIBU?

Would you have been going to cornwall anyway, without your mum?

You say you shared all other costs equally between you.

Sorry but I think yes yabu.

You were going anyway and it's your mum.

I'm with your mum on this one.
YABU!

Can she drive herself? I'm wondering if she is aware of the costs of fuel these days?

My parents would offer. And no I don't think YABU, petrol is a MAJOR outlay when you're doing a drive to holiday.

Very sorry but I would never ask my mum or siblings for that matter for petrol money, justified or not their family. And wouldn't you have been going anyway?

That does sound a bit tight of you tbh. I presume you would have gone there anyway? She's your mum. It's not something I would do.

But the OP was going to Cornwall anyway.

I couldn't and wouldn't ask family for petrol money.

Hmmm, I think that she had probably factored the cost of the petrol into the pressie she was planning (without realising that it would probably be better for you to receive cash instead)

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but perhaps you should have said it to her before heading off on hols?

Oh and I think her friends who said you were "low" for asking for a contribution are eejits! I'm going to a wedding 200 miles away in a few weeks, and if I give anyone a lift petrol money will be the first topic! (but me and my friends are used to sharing this cost)

People of her generation would think it rude. People of our generation would have been up front and offered to chip in.

The big question is: would you have holidayed without her? If so, then yes, you are being a bit precious to ask for money.

From the benefit of hindsight, on the other hand, these things should be sorted out before - ie you fill up for the down journey, she fills up for the return journey.

I can see both sides, tbh.
If she couldn't have fit in your car, would she have drove herself, did you save her money?
Also if she spends alot on you generally I would've let it go.

YANBU.

If you were going to go to Cornwall regardless of your Mum coming or not, then YABU

I would only ask for petrol money from family if it is a trip that I wouldn't be doing myself, or a long way out of my way, but saying that, I only ever ask my brother because he wants a lift somewhere at least 3 times a week and it all adds up to quite a lot of petrol

Me and Ds went to Cornwall with my parents, my mum drove and would have been anyway. I did do one fill up but they paid for most of the fuel as they said they would have needed it anyway

people of her generation how do you know what age she is Jumping??!

My parents are in their late 60s early 70s and they are always bloody forcing petrol money on me, even when I run them to Asda! It's not an age thing, they just know that petrol is bloody extortionate! And it's a moot point that they'd be going anyway, an extra body puts the cost up as the car is heavier!

Your car, your fuel. Sorry but YABU and a bit tight. Sorry.

Sorry, but I also think it's a bit tight to ask. It didn't cost you any extra to have your mum in the car (well marginal only for extra weight so reduced fuel efficiency).

how do you split costs generally? some families split things and pay their fair share, others have a much more easy going approach. if its the former then i think there's less of an issue asking; if you normally never split anything it was probably more of a shock.

christmas pressy is fine, but its not going to pay your bills and you might not even like/want/need it.

did she contribute anything to the cost of the holiday, or was it presented to her as a free treat? if it was the latter then cost of petrol might be a bit of a shock. if she was contributing towards things like accommodation and food i can't see why she's making a fuss about petrol. getting there was an integral part of the costs

i don't think its relevant that you were going anyway. grown-ups generally have to pay their way. you did her a favour giving her a lift as she didn't want to drive.

i'd explain that money is tight and a petrol contribution would help you more at this time, than a present later in the year. but that if she feels that strongly not to worry.

in our family you would contribute, or at least offer.

Yabu.

What Jumping said.
And quite agree that it is a generational thing.

If this was someone on here asking if they were being unreasonable not to offer petrol money to their daughter for a trip that would cost £200 you would all be saying yes, YABU. You're all so fucking fickle.

It's interesting to get other views, and to answer the question no we only went on this holiday in Cornwall to keep my mum happy and would not have otherwise gone, but that's fine and we did enjoy the holiday. I don't really get why petrol costs are in a different category to other cost ESP with price of petrol these days! But we've learnt a lesson and will def be more careful with our understanding in future.

YABU, you just don't ask your mum for petrol money! Bad form.

How did you split accommodation cost? Was it 50/50? If it was she had already paid over the odds.

Intresting that she had discussed this with her friends. Tis shows she had thought about it but come up with a different answer to the one you wanted!

I'd rather have the cash than a big present TBH.