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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More of an AIBPFB about this

75 replies

missymoomoomee · 14/09/2012 14:13

DS (10yo) got a letter through yesterday informing me they are going to weigh and measure everyone in his year and send everyone a letter out with the results and advice if your child is overweight. There was an option to call and opt out which I have just done.

I didn't expect the third degree about my reasons (which are that I don't want any of my children to think weight is an issue as long as they are healthy and active and eat well and its for that reason I don't have scales in my house either). She then went on to tell me my son may be singled out since everyone else is doing it and that I am being over protective since he is practically a teenager anyway (not sure how being 10 is nearly a teenager but there you go).

I really don't think I am, and I would assume I'm not the only parent who feels a bit uncomfortable with this. Am I being a bit PFB though? I need the brutalness MN wisdom on this one please (it won't change me not getting him weighed but I do want to know if I am being over protective so I can stop it in future)

OP posts:

LadySybildeChocolate · 14/09/2012 14:58

A little boy from here was in the newspaper as his parents received a letter, telling them that he was overweight. He was having chemotherapy at the time. They are standard letters and don't take into account anything other than a child's height and weight.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 14/09/2012 15:03

Wrt to the results of a class weigh-in being used for a subsequent maths lesson, this happened to me in primary school. I was the second heaviest girl in the class and the shame I felt was so acute the memory still stings now! It led directly to me commencing my first diet at the age of nine and fed into years of self-loathing through my teens. Obviously that wasn't the only trigger but the clarity with which I remember it 20 years on tells me it did have a disproportionately profound effect!

MrsMiniversCharlady · 14/09/2012 15:03

YABU. I was furious when dd was weighed, aged 5, and came out as slightly overweight. Everybody I told couldn't believe it, said what a load of rubbish, she looks perfectly fine, etc etc. I did keep more of an eye on the quantity of food she eats and she did slim down over the next couple of years.

With hindsight she was overweight, but because so many children are these days, to my eyes she looked normal. I'm really glad I had this information when she was still young and it was easy to change her diet and activity levels.

I do keep an eye on her BMI now - the whole family gets weighed and measured every 6 months or so. I don't think this is unhealthy, or will cause her to get an eating disorder. IMO it's just a normal part of monitoring your health, just like having your eyes tested and going to the dentist regularly.

cbeebiesinducedcoma · 14/09/2012 15:13

I would opt out purely for the fact I am not naiive enough to think teachers won't have access to that information and staff room gossip doesn't need any ammo.

If the nurse got arsy with me I would simply say, If I can be guarantee'd this information will be treat with professionalism and sensitivity and that teachers will not be given this information as there is too much opportunity for it to be used to embarrass children and we both know that is likely to happen with some teachers.

WhatYouLookingAt · 14/09/2012 15:25

You can opt out, its up to you.
But the thing is, as a country you have a large number of overweight children, and lots of parents just don't see it. It's always on these threads "they said my child was overweight and she's perfectly healthy" etc etc. If they said your child was overweight, they were overweight.
It's not being done to be cruel to your children, its there to help with the epidemic of obesity in the UK. 27% of your children are overweight. It's not the weighing that will embarrass children, its them being too large.

NCForNow · 14/09/2012 15:31

I don't see why it is a problem for so many people? What's wrong with helping the government work out weight statistics?

TheHumancatapult · 14/09/2012 15:31

i always refuse as I don think it spart of the education and dont want dd worrying about weight we had enough worrying about heathy eating and i know ds3 iage 7 s very short and underweight but then he under paed so none of school business and dont need the rubbish that arrives telling me what i know

cbeebiesinducedcoma · 14/09/2012 15:32

Its down to how the information is handled WhatYouLookingAt
if the safety of the child cannot be guarantee'd its no good.

NCForNow · 14/09/2012 15:33

cbeebies What do you mean "The safety of the child"?

WhatYouLookingAt · 14/09/2012 15:37

How do you think weighing a child is going to compromise their safety?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 14/09/2012 15:38

I think the problem is not weighing children but doing it in school.

Several issues:
If a child has issues, these shouldn't be high-lighted around their peers
From this thread, some teachers are insensitive idiots who will use this information
It is a health matter not an education matter
It is a blunt tool, not part of an overall health picture

NCForNow · 14/09/2012 15:41

But surely they don't weigh them in front of one another?

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 14/09/2012 15:49

We were weighed in front of each other when it happened to me though hopefully that wouldn't happen now. I don't think weighing schoolchildren is a bad idea altogether, but I do think there should be clear explanations, helpful advice and guaranteed confidentiality.

EldritchCleavage · 14/09/2012 15:53

It's perfectly reasonable to opt out because you don't think this issue is a matter for the school (though if you do, I think you owe it to your children to really take charge of their weight/food/health yourself, not ignore it). How many of you would volunteer to be weighed regularly at work as part of govt monitoring of obesity?

zzzzz · 14/09/2012 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatYouLookingAt · 14/09/2012 16:00

I wouldn't mind being weighed. Its the weight thats the problem, not the weighing.

elfycat · 14/09/2012 16:02

I'm going to opt out. My DDs are off the top of the centiles for height, DD1 is over the 50% centile for a child a year older than she is so of course she weighs more than the average 3.5 year old.

I'm also a nurse who hates the tick box approach to everything. If asked why I'm opting out my answer will simply be: Because I can.

MrsPnut · 14/09/2012 16:05

When our kids were measured in reception, it was about 3 months between it happening and the letters being sent out. 3 months is a long time when it comes to children's growth.

DD2 was assessed as in the healthy weight area but on the 83rd body-mass index centile, however one of the other mum's in the class was devastated because her son was into the overweight category and she refused to believe that it was true.
She thought my DD2 was underweight because you can see every rib and every nodule of her spine. I tried to tell her that it was normal for a child to look like DD2 but she refused to believe me.

Her son was also the child who had to have an adult meal at McDonalds because a happy meal wasn't enough food whilst DD2 still can't manage to finish a happy meal 2 years later.

NotWilliamBoyd · 14/09/2012 16:13

DS is very heavy for his age...... he is also very tall for his age, so nicely in proportion. When he was weighed in YR his letter basically said that he is very tall therefore heavy therefore fine, so there was no issue around his weight only being measured against his age.

anniebunny · 14/09/2012 16:15

A friend's son was weighed and measured in year 6 then got a letter saying he was morbidly obese. It mentioned health complications and he got really really upset about it and kept asking if he was going to die.

My friend spoke to the school nurse about it and explained that he has three meals a day, no snacks, one small chocolate bar once a week and no other sweets at all, no fizzy drinks or squash- just water to drink and that while she was aware that he didn't eat as many fruits and vegetables as she'd like him to, it was very difficult to get him to eat more as they made him gag and he had actually vomited on the few occasions that she had 'made' him eat them. School nurse had no advice apart from to try vegetable soup, so all the stress was entirely pointless.

Lad is now 13 and slim- not due to the letter!!

I honestly think that the people who need to change their kids' diets will not be influenced by a letter at all and that parents who do care about what their kids eat will be well aware of where their kids are on the height/weight charts anyway! I certainly weigh and measure mine every six months and plot the results.

I opted out of having DD weighed and measured in reception and I will opt out for my sons (now year 6) too as I know that they will come out as underweight (but they have been 2 centiles lower for weight than height since they were born and eat a healthy varied diet- they just have by DHs tall skinny genes!).

flipflopper · 14/09/2012 16:19

dd was weighed and measured at that age. We were informed that she is underweight and given a leaflet about not overeating and healthy eating. Totally useless, and she is NOT underweight, just on the smaller side of normal. Not everyone is exactly on the 50th centile!

elliejjtiny · 14/09/2012 16:21

What happens after you get a letter saying your child is overweight? My boys are all weighed at least yearly when they have hospital appointments. When DS1 was weighed 2 years ago at school I put the result in his red book. He has stayed on the same centile since he was 1 apart from the school weigh in when he jumped up a centile and a half (they probably weighed him with his shoes on). He was still in the healthy range because he is skinny but DS2 is on the same centile for height and weight so he will be classed as overweight if they record him as a centile and a half heavier. If they will just send me a healthy eating leaflet they can weigh him but if they will refer him to a dietician or try and accuse me of overfeeding him when his weight is fine then I'd rather opt out now.

ByTheWay1 · 14/09/2012 16:24

I don't know whether to or not... DD is 99th centile for height and weighs more than most kids her age - the trouble is the kids compare "weight" that they see - not caring about height etc...... she is a slender skinny beanpole - just really tall

Original poster

missymoomoomee · 14/09/2012 17:05

Its not that I think there is going to be an issue with his weight, I won't let my girls do this either when the time comes. I want them to know that health and fitness is important rather than what comes up on a set of scales. As someone upthread said you can be skinny and really unfit or overweight and could run a marathon. I just don't think weight in itself is important and I don't want my kids thinking that either.

OP posts:

Funnylittleturkishdelight · 14/09/2012 18:06

Totally reasonable. It's a mortifying exercise that is very stressful. Even at primary school I suffered from body dysmorphia and remember this weighing and measuring and the recording of the weights on a wall chart and the terrible terrible feeling of impending doom.

I don't disagree with children being checked by a school nurse whilst at school, but these should be proper appointments and done in privacy.

Ugh, I feel sick just thinking about it. And I wasn't overweight, I was probably slightly underweight for my height, but self critical to the point that it blinded my confidence in any other area.

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