Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get a bit annoyed at some of the parents during baby singing group...

36 replies

SingingTheBlues · 14/09/2012 07:34

I lead the baby singing group at the library where I work. It's on for half an hour, is completely free and is a pretty casual group - we have toys that the children can play with etc...

So AIBU to get annoyed when parents come along who seem to have no intention of joining in?
I don't mean the ones who don't sing loudly - I make enough noise for the whole group and I understand that some people feel very self conscious about public 'performing' - I mean the parents who sit in the circle and just talk amongst themselves while I am trying to lead the songs.

It's really offputting to be attempting to get everyone joining in when some parents are just discussing what they will be doing at the weekend etc... We don't kick people out straight after the singing ends, we leave all the chairs etc so that people can sit and chat afterwards and it's only on for 30 minutes because that seems to be the 'boredom threshold'

We try to sing songs that include some kind of interaction like Row, row, row your boat and Wheels on the bus. If parents don't want to join in, why do they bother coming along? Nobody makes them attend.

Hmm - might be slightly ranty actually - I have been awake for about three hours already

btw - have namechanged for this, I am an intermittent poster but just in case... Wink

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 14/09/2012 07:40

YANBU at all. As a CM, I attend these types of activities sometimes and it annoys me, too, when there is chatting etc while the poor person trying to get everyone involved and enthusiastic is left performing solo.

ContinentalKat · 14/09/2012 07:41

YANBU

I have been to baby groups where parents were reminded to join in or leave!

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 14/09/2012 07:42

yanbu

oops just avoided posting without the n

tis rude...

CailinDana · 14/09/2012 07:44

YANBU. I got to a few groups that have singing as part of the session. Anyone who wants to join in, does, anyone who doesn't want to join in stays in another part of the room to chat. No one would dream of sitting in with the singing and then talking, it's so unfair on the poor person bravely trying to sing and get the children to participate.

The next time, at the start of the session, could you say "It would be great if everyone could join in the singing but if you don't want to sing could I ask that you're quiet so that the children can hear the song and not get distracted."

rabbitsnap · 14/09/2012 07:45

YANBU. I often sit next to people chatting. Not only is it rude, but it sets a terrible example to their children.

minceorotherwise · 14/09/2012 07:46

YANBU
How hard is it to join in with your little one for a short amount of time?

Softlysoftly · 14/09/2012 07:49

Yanbu we have story time in our play group and the older woman reading the book stops and glares at anyone talking, it's like school funny when they realise and slowly go red Grin

thetrackisback · 14/09/2012 07:52

I think a lst of ground rules might be good to go over periodically. Also some comments like "come on you mums at the back come and join in" might help.

Original poster
SingingTheBlues · 14/09/2012 07:53

Thank you all so far!

The 'naughty children at school' feeling is one I desperately try to avoid - I want the sessions to be fun and lighthearted. But when it dawns on me that I am the only one singing or clapping and making a tit of myself it makes me want to stand up and yell 'I am not a children's entertainer!'

It really is quite hard leading the session, having to jolly everyone along...

OP posts:
WhoWhatWhereWhen · 14/09/2012 07:58

YANBU, tell them to hush up if they dont want to sing fine but no talking

minceorotherwise · 14/09/2012 07:58

I'd shame them into it. 'Right children go and get you mum/dad/nanny and we can all do row row row your boat together'
Isn't this fun! Steely grin

MrsKeithRichards · 14/09/2012 08:00

I hear you blues!! I used to run there sessions too. We set up and let people sit and chat for 15 minutes, do 30 of songs then they could sit and chat for as long as they wanted but there would always be a few insisting on talking all the way through!

DowagersHump · 14/09/2012 08:10

How very rude of them! Shock

I would be tempted to say at the outset 'We're going to do baby singing now. If you would prefer to sit and chat, can I ask you to move to another part of the library until we've finished?' and smile nicely.

They might not join in but I bet they stfu.

MrsHowardRoark · 14/09/2012 08:21

YANBU

I attend a similar group with my DD and there is a group of mums that sit in the middle of the circle with their children and chat to each other.
Not only is it extremely rude but quite intimidating to other children. If my 10 month old wants to get a toy she has to crawl over a gaggle of mums who seemingly have no interest in being there.
Now I also feel a bit of an idiot pretending to be a horse, or whatever, but I don't go for me. They drive me bonkers.

And breathe..........

marshmallowpies · 14/09/2012 08:25

I love singing along at our sessions, and when I invited along a couple of friends with their babies and they chatted to each other during the singing I was mortified!

However it can go too far the other way - we had a grandad come along once who drowned out everyone else with his singing and at the start of every song said something like 'Ooh we like this one, don't we 'Harry'?'.

Fair enough, can't fault his enthusiasm - but when it came to story-time, (when the librarian was holding up a big copy of the book so we could see the words) he proceeded to read aloud to 'Harry' a few seconds ahead of the librarian speaking the lines which was really annoying and must have been distracting for her.

Of course with some books we're encouraged to join in with refrains or give responses to questions, but this book wasn't an 'everyone join in' type of book. I felt so sorry for the librarian trying to tell the story and having to talk over him!

blueballoon79 · 14/09/2012 08:26

YANBU. I hate this!

My 3 year old daughter attends a ballet lesson and every morning there is a group of parents who insist on talking loudly all the way through.

It is so unbelievably rude and off putting for everyone there.

If I were you I'd ask them to leave if they don't want to join in with the singing. Other parents are probably just as annoyed as you are. It's the height of bad manners and an extremely poor example they're setting their children.

Lottapianos · 14/09/2012 08:40

'I'd shame them into it. 'Right children go and get you mum/dad/nanny and we can all do row row row your boat together'
Isn't this fun! Steely grin'

This is my approach too, especially the steely grin part Grin YANBU at all OP. I do a similar job to you and it amazes me how little interest some parents have in their children. Apart from that, it's extremely rude and unfair to you and other parents, and is a dreadful example to their children. These are often the same parents who complain that their children 'never listen'!

NCForNow · 14/09/2012 08:54

Oh YANBU! I trained as an actor...and worked as one for years, as did my older brother. He taught me that "As an actor, when you're in church or playgroup you are duty bound to sing nice and loud to help the vicar or the playgroup leader."

Grin

It's true! I always belt it out as I can't bear the way people refuse to sing!

ApplePippa · 14/09/2012 08:57

YANBU. I love singing, and when my DS was born I really looked forward to him being old enough for this kind of activity. Sadly, it was not to be - he would never join in and as he got older would just run around despite all my best efforts. So we stopped going, and have missed this stage entirely.

I now know its because he is autistic. But I find myself getting very angry about parents who have children who would take part and have fun, but choose to ignore their child and chat instead!

Psammead · 14/09/2012 08:58

YANBU. If they don't want to sing, or at least mime convincingly, they shouldn't go to the group. Very rude and selfish. I would give a little friendly reminder about participation at the start.

Floggingmolly · 14/09/2012 09:01

You're only being unreasonable in that you haven't already said something.
I wouldn't be able to bite my lip, I'm afraid; just say something non aggressive but firm at the start of the session.

ohfuschia · 14/09/2012 09:17

Yanbu, I gave up doing storytime at our library as despite repeated requests for the parents/carers not to talk during the rhymes/stories, it continued. They failed to appreciate how their chatter impacted on the session and just got louder and louder - several members of staff take the session and have to issue reminders regularly, sometimes in the middle of a story. I just got too frustrated with their lack of consideration so I've left it to my more patient colleagues - some of whom I've never seen annoyed at any other time except after storytime.

ohforfoxsake · 14/09/2012 09:24

Yanbu, it is rude and they need to be reminded.

However, these groups are sometimes the only time mothers of babies catch up and have another adult to talk to in the day - its a large part of why they go. It doesn't make it ok for them to talk all the way through it though, of course not.

I'm glad I dont have to do these any more, but when I did they were a bit if a lifeline for me. Is there anything you can do to give them some time at the end? Ours used to have biscuits before leaving so there was a bit of social time.

Figgygal · 14/09/2012 09:26

Gosh u don't run my local group in Bristol do you? Same problem there if people want to meet up and natter fine but do it somewhere else please

HecateHarshPants · 14/09/2012 09:28

Clearly they don't see the group the way you do. They think it's a mum and baby group with the aim of socialising - and a bit of you entertaining the babies Grin

Perhaps what you need is a talk about what the group is, what the aims are, why singing with your baby is a good idea (is it? I'm guessing it is. you know, what is does for the baby etc) leaflets etc.

If they think it is a mum and toddler group, then of course they are going to sit and chat while the toddlers are entertained. You need to tell them what it actually is and why it is that. And what is expected of people who sign up for it.

That way, if that's not what they want, if they are actually wanting a natter with other mums while the tots are playing - they can find a mum and baby group instead, because they'll understand the aims of your group.