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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that dd2 isn't a 'tomboy', just a girl that likes trains?

63 replies

BrittaPerry · 14/09/2012 07:21

And cars, tractors, builders and climbing about?

She is 2.5 and currently climbing all over me wearing a blue monster dressing gown and a thomas t shirt. Her favourite toys all have wheels and i buy her shoes from the boys ranges, because a) she likes them to be blue or have cars/trains on and b) girls shoes fall off or break at an alarming rate.

The sheer amount o people who have commented on this is amazing. I have also heard 'well, she likes Thomas because he is friendly, not because he is a train' and every time she picks up a doll people point it out. Or they randomly point out that she likes dolls too when they see her wearing her favourite thomas t shirt, blue coat, thomas wellies and bob the builder backpack ab playing in a toy car.

She is named after a famous feminist too, so people assumme i 'make' her like these things. Until they meet dreamy dd1 drawing a picture of a princess while wearing a pink flowery dress...

Girls are allowed to just be girls that like trains, surely? She is too young to even know that she isn't meant to. She also likes to play with he kitchen and dolls, but so what?

On a side note, any ideas for finding hairclips with trains on? I think i'm going o have to make some as she won't keep hers in. It is that or chop her hair again, but she looked like boris johnson last time...

OP posts:
Original poster
BrittaPerry · 14/09/2012 07:26

I must say, i do tend to laugh that she really, really like trains :-D. Not because they are a oys toy, but because she is obsessed :-)

OP posts:
blackpoollights · 14/09/2012 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 14/09/2012 07:31

You are reading far too much into it. It is the general term for girls who like the more traditional boy type things. Lots of girls are similar and always have been. Just enjoy her as she is and ignore everyone- it is unimportant. They are all different, parents think it is down to their parenting but it really isn't.

neverquitesure · 14/09/2012 07:31

I was obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine as a child and loved any construction toy. I was also first in line with the screwdriver when anything needed taking apart, I needed to know how stuff worked. Wouldn't have called myself a tomboy though.

Bizarrely my only daughter fits into the "dreamily drawing a picture of a princess while wearing a pink flowery dress" catagory. Lord knows where she gets it from Confused

Think you might have to make those Thomas hair clips though.

exoticfruits · 14/09/2012 07:32

I have 3 boys- one was obsessed by trains and two had no interest at all. Just leave her free to follow her own interests.

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 14/09/2012 07:36

My DD (2) is like this Smile loves Bob the Builder, Thomas, but also Bagpuss & Hello Kitty. Loves climbing, jumping & being chased. Not so much drawing princesses Grin

LetsKateWin · 14/09/2012 07:37

It really doesn't matter. DD loves loads of so called 'boy' things. She's 2.9 so also too young to know that there's supposed to be a difference.

I think sometimes people are just making conversation, but don't really mean anything by it.

MrDobalina · 14/09/2012 07:40

Grrrr...this is a pet-hate of mine (its more than that actually, but too sleepy to articulate properly)

I know a few little girls who are into 'boys stuff' Hmm and have somehow become a bit 'anti girl'

It s fine, nah great o be a girl and like motorised vehicles and construction and blue

dd2 is showing these tendencies, she is NOT a tom-BOY, she is a GIRL Angry

GobblersKnob · 14/09/2012 07:42

I am not keen at all on the label of 'tomboy' though I think it is often used in quite a positive affectionate way, but that is because we are saying a girl has the attributes of a boy, which is a good thing.

I don't see people being so happy with a little boy being described as a 'nancy boy' (which I know has come to derogatory leanings) but was really just a term for an effeminate boy, but then boys with girlish leanings are not to be encoraged.

MrDobalina · 14/09/2012 07:42

On a side note, any ideas for finding hairclips with trains on? I think i'm going o have to make some as she won't keep hers in. It is that or chop her hair again, but she looked like boris johnson last time...

Grin Grin Grin

you might have found a hole in the market there!

AThingInYourLife · 14/09/2012 07:42

YABU

trains are for boys, who might be engineers in the future.

Girls don't need a wide range of playthings, since they are so one-dimensional.

You'll be able to tell which toys are appropriate for them because they will be pink. Toys of any other colour are for boys.

The only wheeled toy a girl needs is a pram.

Also girls don't need strong shoes for their gentle, social play.

MrDobalina · 14/09/2012 07:43

exactly gobblers

social conditioning shit

MrDobalina · 14/09/2012 07:44

Also girls don't need strong shoes for their gentle, social play

so so SO true. They only need the thinest of soles, with just the hint of any grip

IgnoringTheChildren · 14/09/2012 07:45

We have some zip pull things with Thomas and various other engines on, which if you could get hold of some could easily be glued to plain hair clips. I'll see if I can find any online I can link to.

As for everyone feeling the need to "label" your DD and comment on what she plays with - that's just what we do I'm afraid! It is annoying though (mother of two "typical boys").

dottyspotty2 · 14/09/2012 07:48

DD1 now 21 was a real tomboy cars trains building stuff but you couldn't meet a more girly young lady now DD2 was real girly girl though every thing to do with dolls and babies DS used to play with her along with his action men they are what they are my argument on this has always been if boys play with dolls girls with trains/cars what the hell is the problem women drive cars men looks after children. What they play with in many ways is only a minature version of what many adults do in everyday life.

Ephiny · 14/09/2012 07:54

I loved trains when I was little still do and wanted to be a train driver when I grew up. But I played with dolls too, I think. I wore blue quite often, and sometimes pink, and various other colours as well.

It's only adults who are all weird about this kind of thing. Small children just like what they like.

Softlysoftly · 14/09/2012 07:55

DD1 would confuse the crap out of them as she plays with her huge fireman Sam collection, train set and blue "boys" bike (her choice) while dressed as a pwetty pink pwincess.

Meh

exoticfruits · 14/09/2012 07:55

It doesn't really matter if you like the term or not, it is here to stay. It is totally unimportant - it isn't down to parenting- DCs follow their own interests - if they like trains, they like trains- if they like pink princesses, they like pink princesses and there is nothing the parent can do to change it. ( other than make the DC feel it is wrong- which is sad). We should be accepting and supporting the DC we have and not the one we want.

iscream · 14/09/2012 07:57

My fav colour is blue. It is the most popular colour in the world I believe.
I didn't really like trains or dolls, I was more of a book and craft type kid. :)

exoticfruits · 14/09/2012 07:58

Very true Ephiny most have a mix- it is only parents why get all weird about it and upset about terms which are totally unimportant. Small DCs are sensible enough to know that you can play with trains dressed as a fairy! (boys or girls)

IgnoringTheChildren · 14/09/2012 07:59

Didn't have much luck searching for zip pulls - they're either sold out or metal or hard plastic versions. The ones we have are made from a "foamy plastic". Possibly like this:

wap.ebay.ie/Pages/ViewItemPic.aspx?emvAD=320x473&aid=300776097677&emvcc=0&nbcol=0%7Cnull

but it's hard to tell from the pic and description!

EugenesAxe · 14/09/2012 07:59

What exoticfruits said. She is a tomboy in the traditional sense of the word but there's nothing wrong with it. People shouldn't be bothered or surprised at her play and dress preferences, but you can't really escape use of words like that one.

CharminglyOdd · 14/09/2012 07:59

YANBU. OP I have a little confession to share. I was a little girl who loved trains. I was obsessed with them. Not in a trainspotter way but in the way your little girl is. I had the Thomas book set, a Thomas jumper, Thomas everything. My parents used to take me to 'Thomas days' at a local steam museum.

On Monday morning I start my dream job, working in my dream department (don't want to be too specific but it's AMAZING Grin and in the operations management side) of a railway company. It's taken me a long while to get here I'm currently practising early starts but I'm so happy. I still get a little thrill every time I get on a train or one rushes through a station. There are far worse things to be than a girl who likes trains and I certainly played with dolls and kitchen too (in fact I love to cook and bake).

Original poster
BrittaPerry · 14/09/2012 07:59

I chuckle a bit at he idea of taking a train off dd2 and giving her a barbie doll or omething. She would probably hit me with it :-)

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 14/09/2012 08:29

Yes, quite right, exotic, small children are entirely unaffected by their social context.

They are like wild beasts just doing what is natural.

And what is natural (and right) is that some time between 3 and 6 they will stop all this (cute but deviant) gender-mixing behaviour will stop and your little girl will accept that she should aspire to being a princess.

Little words like "tomboy" are just a gentle signal to little girls and their parents that this phase of playing with boys toys is just a sweet little aberration.

It's all natural and entirely as it should be.

Don't try to have an influence here.