to be fed up of being told how to make DS sleep

[lola88]

Gina Ford herself could not make this boy sleep i've accepted it after trying everything i don't ask for advice but i get it because i look shit tired alot.

Thats it i just needed to get that out.

Dunno why you lot are telling OP how she should handle unsolicited advice.

She didn't ask for help in handling it.

You were just meant to read the OP and be sympathetic but without adding anything that might help her, or that relates to your own experience.

Oh no hang on, that's not how conversation usually works though, is it.

I would love to share with you but I am sure that you are going to say that you have tried everything already so whats the point. I am passionate about children and have no issues offering advice to people (sometimes when they haven't asked for it) but I am also of the mind that if you, as the parent, are happy with the way things are then you don't need to conform to anyone elses ideal of what you "should" be doing.

There isn't a "magic" technique, it obviously depends on your child, your home life and the dymnamics of your family. I obviously don't need to tell you ladies that consistancy is the root of everything - and no I dont mean routine - just being consistant and stop trying "everything".

I'm always happy to share if thats what people want, but am always open to the fact that 2 weeks later I am told "it doesn't work".

I think some babies are naturally easier to get to sleep. Babies are individuals just the same as us and what works for one wont work for another. But that doesn't mean that "nothing" will work.

My DS has always been a bad sleeper. He has improved recently, but years of disruption seem to have left me with insomnia of my own (he now sleeps through and I still can't).

He's just started school this week and today was my first day at home alone. I came home from the school run, had breakfast and then went to bed and slept for 3 hours. Bliss!

pip

I have to wait til monday to sleep for 3 hours in the day... Unless someone unplugs mn..

Right now I work at home as a childminder. But thats only been the last 10 years so I could be a sahm for my own two. In my previous life (before children) I started as a nanny back in 1979 and worked my way up (studying and working) to Social Services.

I also have 5 younger siblings, 13 nieces and nephews, and 11 great nieces and nephews. And my home is always filled with children (and their parents). And of course my own two children.

Does any of that mean I am more qualified to answer? Who knows? Maybe I would have been just as good at getting children to sleep if I just worked in an office :) we will never know eh :)

If you are breastfeeding, you eat the rusk and then it'll be in his milk.
Maybe the vodka will knock you out and you won't notice the baby is still awake.

Get them to sleep or keep them asleep? I could get DD to sleep, she just woke up loads and woke early in the morning. Anyway, it doesn't matter because I could argue that I am the world's greatest mother based on the fact that DD eats anything... broccoli, asparagus, curry, you name it. I don't smug around pretending that it was my magical parenting. I know I was lucky with the eating, unlucky with the sleeping.

meant to add my oldest went to bed/sleep no problem, he just never stayed asleep, right from birth, big eyes looking at me crying for me to pick him up and give him the boob.
Then at 18mths we got him a bed, never helped, he'd fall asleep no problem and get up later to play, so we put a gate across his room and childproofed the place, he'd play for god knows how long and fall asleep on the floor. I'd find him in the wee hours and tuck him back in while he slept. Some nights he got up numerous times, small house I could hear him.

Ok but then I really really need to get some sleep (lol)

The technique I used with my own son works best for a small baby if you are co-sleeping but easily with any older child in their own bed. I will try to describe it as best I can.

Hold the baby (or lie next to the child) with their head cradled in the crook or your right arm and then lie in the spoons position (their back towards your front) put your right arm over their chest and hold them firmly but lightly to you with your knees slightly bent (so they are tucked into your body). with your left hand pat the baby/child on the back or side to the beat of their heartbeat. If they are crying also say sshh gently in time to the heartbeat. As they calm (and they will) stop saying shhh but carry on patting. Don't speak, don't move and make sure the room is dark and quiet (doesn't have to be pitch black just muted). Stay in the same position and doing the same thing until they fall asleep.

Once they are fast asleep you should be able to take away your arm and gently walk away. I have done this with a small baby and am able ot put them into a moses basket or cot after without them waking. If they do wake try and get to them before full blown screaming starts and simply do the same thing again with the patting and shushing (you obviously dont need to put them back into the crook of your arm again if you get there quickly enough) .

If you have a particularly bad sleeper you might have to do this for 3 months or more to get into a rythm. Eventually the baby/child will be able to sleep with just the patting and shushing.

The only "rules" for this to work are: No speaking - at all, Make sure baby isn't facing you, And make sure the room is quiet.

Good luck if you try it - and apologies if you already have ;)

NumericalMum

I don't get it?

Really?

I used to VOMIT because I was so exhausted. I had NO help, NO support - from him being born to going to work I had never left him with anyone because I had no one to leave him with.

But for 6-7 hours out of 24hours he was asleep so I must have been ok?
I was racing round madly trying to do things I couldn't do when he was awake... which was 18-19hours of every day and for 2-4 hours of that 18-19hours he was crying solidly...

For nearly a year I was getting 4-5 hours a sleep a night - some of it was unbroken because no baby sleeps through every night and from him being 5 months I was at work 2 days a week. I fell asleep on the toilet AT WORK during lunch one day...

Then... as he started to sleep longer at night he developed 'baby asthma'...

But no I wouldn't have a bloody clue about tiredness would I?

Whatever

Can't we just agree, ones that won't go to sleep are shit to live with, ones that wake up early are shit to live with, ones that won't nap are shit to live with, ones that wake a lot in the night are shit to live with. People giving you advice when you really have tried everything is shit as well.

mrsterrys I have one child who eats like a seasoned gourmet chef if allowed and one who thinks Pizza is the only balanced diet in the world. But I don't put it down to luck particularly.

Until he was about 9 or 10 my older child would eat anything put in front of him. After that he started to become quite fussy until his diet now (he is 14) is fairly healthy but very restricted.

But, if I am really, really honest with myself I have facilitated that diet. At times i simply couldn't be bothered to argue and sometimes I simply gave him the food i knew he would eat because it was easier to do so than to spoil meatimes for everyone else.

A friend of mine had a child who would be severely traumatised at the thought of trying anything at all and she has had so many problems with him for year and years. Now he is 16 and he is discovering food again and learning that trying new stuff and actually enjoying it won't actually kill him!

I really feel that as parents we help our children be the way they are. Whether we do so conciously or sub conciously and whether or not we are prepared to admit it, it is nearly always true.

MrsTerrys

I salute you!!

And for what it's worth I was a bit smug about eating too...

Until he decided he didn't like how meat felt in his mouth... for 10 months...

Thats when I realised that the minute you think that you've cracked it is the minute they throw you a curve ball... just to see if you are still paying attention.

Doris I had the same with baths. DD loved them and was happy. We have just lived through three months of screaming bath avoidance. Now she loves them again. I swear she is on Babysnet with the others working out how to get me committed.

Someone above asked if she had tried Rusks. The one and only time my DS slept the whole night at 4 months till he was 2 years and 10 months was the night I gave him a rusk. I got such a fright that he hadn't woken that I never gave him another. I must have been mad.