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AIBU?

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Original poster

To still be annoyed with DH

36 replies

JoJoCK · 12/09/2012 20:06

DH did not come to my 20 week scan with me today. Despite being with me when it was booked,and it being on our calendar for 7 weeks he didnt check his work diary and therefore had a meeting he couldn't get out of. Luckily my mum came and all is well but I am really hacked off with him. Firstly, I really wanted him to be there, but more importantly his whole attitude about it sucks. He refuses to apologise for not checking his work diary and is claiming it was my responsibility to remind him. I am so angry with him, but he refuses to back down...

OP posts:
Funnylittleturkishdelight · 12/09/2012 20:07

That is shit and it sounds like he is deflecting the guilt he feels onto you.

It is totally unreasonable to expect you to remind him- not your job.

RuleBritannia · 12/09/2012 20:09

What is the point of keeping a diary if he still expects someone to tell him what is happening today?

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 12/09/2012 20:11

Oh that's rough.

Why the hell did he not check his diary?

Dh diarises everything but I still remind him 50,000 times in case he misses it.

But I'm weird.

Glad all is well with the baby. Did you find out the sex?

MyLastDuchess · 12/09/2012 20:16

HIS LOSS.

My OH had a go at me today because he didn't have much time to make a pre-natal doula appointment with me. I pointed out that the doula was the one who wanted to see him, and that if it was up to me he could wait in the hallway during the birth like he did last time (I sent him away). I then continued that I was the one who attended every single bloody prenatal appointment, including the ones we have to pay for (doula and hypnotherapist), and never bloody complained, plus I have to flippin' give birth again after the last time that was an utter disaster though of course fortunately ultimately resulting in a still-living mother and baby. Oh and did I mention that I also attended and paid for all the psychology appointments for the birth trauma I suffered, plus of course put in the hard yards doing the work of coming to terms with it all.

He apologised after that. Guess he knows what's good for him Wink

But seriously, you had better make it very clear to your OH that anything he misses out on in these appointments will be HIS loss. You are the mum to the new baby, not to him.

"A meeting he couldn't get out of." Sounds like he needs to reassess his priorities, starting right about how.

GoldShip · 12/09/2012 20:17

He's a nob.

But in all fairness why didn't you mention it? Didn't it come up Confused

MyLastDuchess · 12/09/2012 20:18

Oops I just realised that my comment above could be read as a sort of birth horror story. Forgive me, I know it's not what you need to hear at 20 weeks. I'm about to do it all again so it can't have been that bad :)

Original poster
JoJoCK · 12/09/2012 20:27

Thanks guys, I love mumsnet! Don't worry about the birth horror story Duchess, I am fully informed about all birthing eventualities!
I didn't mention it because I assumed he is an adult that can read a calendar that is in clear view in the kitchen Goldship, and yes, he is being a nob!

OP posts:
redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 12/09/2012 21:52

hen he says hy didn't you rremind him, point out to him that you were under the impression that you were not his mother and that he was capable of doing these things himself.

thepeoplesprincess · 12/09/2012 21:55

I find it weird that you hadn't talked about it that morning anyway tbh.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 21:58

Yadnbu

Your scan was booked weeks ago,in his diary, so why did he put a meeting in the same place?

He needs to sort his priorities.

Glad your scan went well. Did you fin out what your having?

CoolaSchmoola · 12/09/2012 22:00

I was talking about mine for days in the run up....and my DH wasn't even in the same country lol! He was in Afghanistan at the time - and he knew all about it but that's because I never gave him a chance to because I banged on and on about it

Even if I hadn't been talking about it so much I would have mentioned it - I don't think reminding someone is being their "mum" - you were clearly very bothered about him being there, so it wouldn't have hurt just to give his memory a jog.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 12/09/2012 22:01

he didnt check his work diary and therefore had a meeting he couldn't get out of.

Want your mortgage paid and food on the table or not?

SillyBeardyDaddyman · 12/09/2012 22:03

Was he getting something from the McDonald's poundsaver menu?

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 22:03

Bit harsh jumping!

I'm sure with 7 weeks notice he could have sorted some sort of cover for the meeting or rearranged.

InTheNightGarden · 12/09/2012 22:04

how ridiculous..... what a nob!!
I'd be furious!!
can't believe you havnt got a "leave the bastard" comment yet!!

chipsandbeans · 12/09/2012 22:06

My dh didn't come to any of the 20 week scans for our 3.. does it really matter? to be honest I think if you really wanted him there you should have reminded him..

MsVestibule · 12/09/2012 23:21

Want your mortgage paid and food on the table or not?

Where does the OP say that he pays the mortgage and puts food on the table? You have no idea who pays for what in their household. The issue isn't about whether or not he should be there; the OP is pissed off that she has been told she should have reminded him about an event she considers to be important.

AnyFucker · 12/09/2012 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Original poster
JoJoCK · 13/09/2012 08:44

I pay the mortgage.... We don't know whether we ate having a boy or a girl, decided a surprise would be nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
JoJoCK · 13/09/2012 08:44

Are even!

OP posts:
charlottehere · 13/09/2012 08:46

Hes and ARSE.

charlottehere · 13/09/2012 08:46

an

IvanaHumpalot · 13/09/2012 08:51

I don't just rely on the wall calendar, I now make sure DH has uploaded into his work diary and if something is very important I call his pa to make sure it's in .

If it was in his diary then booking the other meeting would have flagged as a clash.

Original poster
JoJoCK · 13/09/2012 08:59

I guess I should add that I organise pretty much everything and this situation is just one of my frustrations with dh who can be very lazy and selfish at times. Plus he said he couldn't come to the midwife appointment a week before the scan where I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time ( no meetings that day and he has enough annual leave to take a half day- he just didn't want to come), but that he would definitely come to the 20 week scan...

OP posts:
Eggrules · 13/09/2012 09:08

So he was reminded at seven weeks and then a week before?

Does he manage his own work diary and if so how?

If you wanted him there, he should have made the effort to be there.No excuses.