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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still be annoyed with DH

36 replies

JoJoCK · 12/09/2012 20:06

DH did not come to my 20 week scan with me today. Despite being with me when it was booked,and it being on our calendar for 7 weeks he didnt check his work diary and therefore had a meeting he couldn't get out of. Luckily my mum came and all is well but I am really hacked off with him. Firstly, I really wanted him to be there, but more importantly his whole attitude about it sucks. He refuses to apologise for not checking his work diary and is claiming it was my responsibility to remind him. I am so angry with him, but he refuses to back down...

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 13/09/2012 09:19

I would be furious tbh.

He is a prick.

differentnameforthis · 13/09/2012 10:29

Dh didn't come to dd2s scan. He wasn't at her birth (although he was at the hospital, just not in the room. His mum was). He didn't come to the antenatal classes. He didn't come to the hospital when I had a high bp scare with dd2, again, his mum did (following PE with dd1).

He doesn't have his priorities wrong. Each scan, antenatal appointment, check up would have meant a full day off work (due to travelling) for an hour or so appointment and he wanted to save all his holiday for when we had her & be at home longer (no parental leave here)

He is a great dad. Luckily for him, I didn't think his not being there was a huge issue.

differentnameforthis · 13/09/2012 10:33

OH & he didn't come to the midwives appointments either (bar one, as he already had the day off).

differentnameforthis · 13/09/2012 10:34

Very unfair to call him an arse & a prick for this. Some of you are acting liked he punched the op in the stomach or something!

Viviennemary · 13/09/2012 10:39

It is annoying since he said he would come but I don't see the point in making a great fuss about it. Still I notice you are saying he is lazy and selfish. So if this isn't a one off then maybe it's a different story. I wouldn't really expect my DH to take time off work for an appointment unless I was very worried about something.

missmalteser · 13/09/2012 10:44

This is so strange, strange neither of you spoke about it at all in the run up, or that you didn't ask him the arrangements say to meet that morning, there was literally no talk of it at all? If my dh gave me a date I needed to remember that was important for both of us then didn't mention it again until after the event I'd have been suspicious he was trying to set me some kind of test to prove a point tbh.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/09/2012 10:47

Sounds like he wasn't bothered about being there. You may want to find out why, if that bothers you. He may be focusing more on 'when the baby is here' and happy for you to deal with all the pregnancy stuff.

DP wanted to be there, so he checked the date with me a few weeks after I'd first told him, wrote it in his planner and let people know he might be up to half an hour late for a meeting he had to drive to afterwards.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/09/2012 10:53

I'm of the forward planning persuasion, so things go in the diary and don't need to be talked about repeatedly. I'd find someone constantly reminding me about things I'm already dealing with quite irritating. I'm also quite contained emotionally and don't need to talk a lot, even about exciting and important things, so I don't find the not talking about it odd at all.

I'd have mentioned it the night before or that morning, in terms of making transport arrangements or greeting a meeting time, tht's all.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/09/2012 11:00

I think it is unacceptable to promise something and then not do it and even worse, not be apologetic about letting you down.

20 week scans do not exist, just so the parents can have a look at their baby - they exist because they are a screening for problems. I think a father should prioritise being there, if he possibly can be.

mamalovebird · 13/09/2012 11:05

Sounds like YAB a bit U. If it was such a big deal, why on earth wouldn't you have mentioned it to him in general conversation in the days leading up? Were you testing him a bit by deliberately not mentioning it?

DH was at both my my scans because it was all I talked about because I was so giddy about it, that he couldn't possible have not known or forgotten it was happening.

However, there are times in his jobs that there are meetings he can't get out of. He's a director so sometimes has to be there. It's the nature of his job.

And sometimes even I forget things that are on the diary. I forgot we are visiting his friends this weekend even though it's been up there for months. It happens.

mamalovebird · 13/09/2012 11:06

although, he should have apologised that he forgot.

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