to think 4 year old boys are supposed to run around

[mamamibbo]

bil and sil are long term fostering a little boy, he turned 4 in january, they got him in feb, i have 4 children, he is their first, when they need a sitter they ask mil who is 75, while hes there he sits and watches tv with her so i offered to have him (i used to be a childminder,then a nursery nurse before i had my youngest ones so im used to alot of children) she said she prefers him at mils because she "doesn want him to be one of those little boys that runs around" he just started school so hes now socialising but out of school she doesnt let him play with other children (not just mine, other cousins)

aibu to think its a bit odd? ive seen them together and she tells him to sit down and be quiet at their house and other peoples houses so he sits and watches the other children playing, if he tries to get up and join in he's told to sit down again

yes that's really odd and horrible for the boy. I hate to think of him being forced to watch other children play. Are these your husband/partners's sister or brother? Have you talked to your partner about it?

How on earth did they get approved as foster carers with such a bizarre attitude to play?

yanbu
wow all kids should run around.
she is weird

i homestly think they didnt realise how much work a child would be, he was abused by his 'mother' so underestandably very quiet to begin with, sil is my husbands brothers oh and dh agrees that its odd

I would go further and say IMHO it's quite damaging not to let any child run/play. Running around helps physical development, playing helps social and emotional development.

Sorry, strong view, but I think they are not behaving responsibly.

How horrible for the boy. Can you not tell them that in your professional experience
That that's what boys do?

I don't want to sound too harsh, but this really isn't okay and I think you need to raise it with the local authority or agency they foster with. Maybe ask her first why she feels like this, but this child needs thechance to thrive in foster care and if he can't play or run around then he is being denied that

I agree with cubscout.

There is, I think, evidence to suggest that children of that age can actually find it painful to be made to sit still when they need to be able to move. It's how their neurological systems develop, and a child that can't run and be active will end up developing more slowly, and will not develop strength and coordination.

Do they mean running around indoors, or that there are times when it might not be appropriate or safe? Or do they not want him to run around or play at all, ever? Is there a reason he isn't allowed to play with other children?

I agree with lala.

I think you need to intervene.

Presumably the agency/authority who organised the fostering are going to be checking on the child from time to time?

Is he allowed to play with toys on the floor etc?

First time i've ever said this on here, but I think you should report your concerns to social services.

This is not good.

running round at all, we have a big garden full of toys and he isnt allowed on them, he just sits on the settee, same at home, he can play in his room, thats whhere his toys are or sit watching tv

YABU for saying that '4 year old boys are supposed to run around'.

All children are supposed to run around should they wish.

Other than that, what lalabaloo said.

That's awful, poor little boy

I also think you should consider reporting them to social services.

poor little boy. I have 2 boys and cannot imagine how you would make a 4yo sit still for any length of time. Mine just burst with energy and if they were forced to sit still they would explode!

That's very odd if he isn't allowed to run around at all or play in the garden. Do they give any reason for it? Have you asked?

Of course boys and girls at that age are supposed to run and play, unless I suppose there's a relevant disability or something.

I would report to the fostering agency or local authority. On begining to reading your post I considered that maybe it is a planned stratogy to manage or deal with a certain issue or behaviour that may occur sounding his conduct with other children, However from that last paragraph I would suggest that is definatly not O.K in any circumstances.

also if your fostering you are only supposed to leave the fostered child with another REGISTERED foster carer so they should NOT be leaving him with your mother or with you (unless of course you are registered)

does seem strange not to let a child run around and play though

What abotu when other children aren't around? Is he allowed to play then? Is your SIL houseproud?

I've never allowed 'running around' in the house with the kids, but they had the garden to run around in, and I take them out lots. At 4 my dts were spending all summer and a fair bit of winter in the garden. I dont think you can restrict toys to the bedroom neither, especially with an only child. We don't have toys that live downstairs (apart from board games) but they bring stuff down to play with and then tidy it later.

I'd be very concerned that his development might be affected and the school won't pick up on things because of his history. :(

I feel sad for the little boy after reading this :(

How sad. Are they just fostering for the money? Sorry to be blunt.

4 year olds of either gender are supposed to run around. I can't fathom how they think this is a bad thing as foster carers, and I'm obviously not alone. Consider reporting.