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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make DH sleep on the sofa

82 replies

igsisgreenngold · 12/09/2012 09:41

Am just so tired and fed up. DH needs to leave the house at eight to get to work. He can dress quickly and often gets up at ten to eight. He sets his alarm for five past seven every day, and then snoozes while it goes off every four minutes until he finally gets up. I am wide awake from the first time it goes off. We have argued over and over about this. He has made a change - he used to set it for ten to seven.
I am on ML with baby who is bf and wakes between two and five times a night. I do all the wakenings. I can't lie in after he goes to work as I have Ds to get up and do school run with. Every minute of sleep is precious to me, and I'm so angry I "waste" 40 mins of sleep each morning.
AIBU to ask him to sleep on the sofa till he changes this habit, or am I being petty?

OP posts:

Whocansay · 12/09/2012 11:29

I'm very angry for you! He is being incredibly selfish. If he won't compromise and bring the time forward or just snooze once, start giving him a good shake and put the light on everytime you get up with your baby in the night. See how he likes that.

And next time he tries the 'you should leave' thing, call his bluff and do it. He sounds really childish!

Original poster

igsisgreenngold · 12/09/2012 11:36

Whocansay - could you move in with me please? I like your style!

OP posts:

MyLastDuchess · 12/09/2012 11:47

Yeah I think I'm with Whocansay on this one!

Honestly, he's being ridiculous. If he really needs the snooze time then he should be sleeping elsewhere for the moment. It's completely unfair of him to steal half an hour (plus) of precious sleep time from you each day.

OneMoreChap · 12/09/2012 11:54

I think he's a twat, tbh.
I used to be a "snoozer" and AFAIK XW still is...
[I'll also sleep in another room if I have a 3am start]

I got out of it once children came along.

BTW, what offences is it reasonable for him to banish you to the sofa for?

Original poster

igsisgreenngold · 12/09/2012 12:26

Onemorechap, if he banished me to the sofa it would be great, he'd need to get up and bring the baby to me every time he needs a feed and then take him back again! (unless you think the baby should be banished too so dh gets lovely uninterrupted night).

OP posts:

OneMoreChap · 12/09/2012 12:30

igsisgreenngold I tend to support you on this :-) XW had BF problems so we went bottle early. I did all the night feeds for DC1 and most for DC2. I do go back to sleep easily so I didn't mind, but it really helped me bond with them when they were young.

I'm no longer a snoozer, but a snorer, as is DW. If it gets too much for either of us we tend to decamp; I will also, if I have a cold, or have drunk a lot of beer, which exacerbate my snoring!

Original poster

igsisgreenngold · 12/09/2012 12:39

I hope the snoring doesn't automatically follow the snoozing, or I'm in for more suffering! We don't have a spare room, hence mention of sofa, though he could sleep in next to ds but would likely be woken by chattering in the early hours when he saw he had a roommate
I will have "the talk" tonight and see if we can find a grown-up way forward.

OP posts:

NorksAreMessy · 12/09/2012 23:30

How did it go igsis?
Thinking about you

OnlyNiceSwearing · 12/09/2012 23:46

OP I really feel for you. Had DD3 6 months ago, DH still on sofa until two nights ago. Our problem is his snoring, it is LOUD. In the early days I would have just got the baby to sleep, he would come to bed very late having had a relaxing evening infront of the tv and then he would snore phenomenally loudly to the point where he woke the baby. Apparently IABU making him sleep on sofa. I know your issue is different not snoring but it's selfish all the same. DH has been trying to be a bit healthier and not snore so he decided to come back to our bed this week - conveniently the baby has started sleeping all night, make of that what you will. He just said to me before going to sleep that it is my fault he has had to sleep on sofa. Now he is asleep, and guess what? Yes he is snoring like a trooper. Sorry to moan on your thread but I am fed up too I love him but cannot sleep.

mum4041 · 12/09/2012 23:51

I think he'd have to go on the sofa or an airbed.

Sleep is precious and it's only temporary.

My DH does this too. Sets alarm for 7am when he has absolutely no intention of getting up until 7.40am. He keeps saying he'll get up and use the rowing machine. But he never does.

I don't have a baby but I have insomnia. Often I'm awake at 4am unable to get back to sleep. Finally at about 6am I get back to sleep - to be woken up again. I don't need to be up until 8am - and I feel that hour would make such a difference to my zombie like state all day.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/09/2012 00:05

In the early stages, I would have blown up like a volcano if DH had tried this. Every second of sleep is precious when DCs are waking in the night. He should be kissing your feet for all those night feeds and not stealing sleep from you.

DH's alarm clock has a longer snooze function. I think it is a choice of 10, 15 or 30 minutes so would that help? If it doesn't I'll lend you a shovel to bury him under the patio.

OnlyNiceSwearing · 13/09/2012 00:05

God tell me about it. I have been prodding DH for the last ten minutes. He is sparko. I must add that I didn't actually suggest he slept downstairs, he did. He also bought home earplugs from work. I feel murderous right now!!!

OnlyNiceSwearing · 13/09/2012 00:06

MrsTerry can I have a shovel too?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/09/2012 00:09

Shovels for all!!!

OnlyNiceSwearing · 13/09/2012 00:09

The irony of my evening is, sorry OP for hijacking- I had just downloaded an album to listen to this evening and DH uncharacteristically has come to bed earlier than he has done for 6 months, he got in bed and told me to turn it off as he needs to go to sleep. Yet he is snoring so loudly. I need revenge.

SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange · 13/09/2012 00:10

Can't you change the time on the clock? Change it so its 2 hour ahead. Let him have his 40 minutes faffing around then hes out the door. By the he's realised you will be fast asleep

OnlyNiceSwearing · 13/09/2012 00:11

It's actually the first time I have downloaded anything on this IPad I got for my birthday in April!! And I can't even listen to it.

OnlyNiceSwearing · 13/09/2012 00:12

Nice one fanjo

OnlyNiceSwearing · 13/09/2012 00:13

Any ideas for a snorer?

AmberLeaf · 13/09/2012 00:20

Set the alarm so it goes off every 10-15 mins not every 4 mins.

I need to be able to hit snooze so I get why he is doing it.

Your getting up times are not exactly early though IMO, the first one in my house goes off at 5:30am!

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 13/09/2012 00:32

I don't hit the snooze button, but I HAVE to have two alarms set on my phone - one 10 mins before I absolutely MUST get out of bed, and one at the 'proper' time. Any more than that is out of order to whoever shares a room with you.

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 13/09/2012 00:33

My first alarm goes off at 6.45am, my second at 6.55am.

FurCoatSkimpyKnickers · 13/09/2012 00:40

While you're on ML why doesn't he go to bed earlier with you, that way he won't feel so tired in the mornings.

achillea · 13/09/2012 00:51

Take control of the alarm clock. Change it yourself. That is what I would do. If he changed it back you should take the alarm clock and put it by the sofa.

Sleep is so important when you have a 4 month old. Don't waste a minute of it.

MonkeyRisotto · 13/09/2012 08:27

Am I the only person that doesn't get "snoozing", why is it not better to have the alarm go off when you actually need to get up?

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