Would people drive you out?

[uptherear]

Five years ago we moved 200 miles for my dh job and also because the area is lovely and has good schools etc.

However time and time again we feel urged to move back. My dh no longer works in the same job and actually works in a different area, we could move closer to his work. However as the dc are at school we are loathed to move around too much and so have stayed.

The area is lovely, quite remote but very beautiful with low crime rates and feels very safe to bring kids up here.

However the people are bloody hard work. They are either related or go back years or are a bit mental and wacky. There just seems to be a major shortage of regular everyday people. I find them mostly unfriendly and judgey. In my 5 years here I have made 3 friends.

At least once a week something happens here with people that makes me think 'get me out of here'

Is it unreasonable to leave an area and house you love just because the people are hard work? I wish it didnt affect me so much but i find it constantly wearing.

So aibu considering a house/area move because of the people?

I think anything which is affecting your happiness could potentially be a reason to consider moving. Only you can weigh up how big an issue this is compared to the benefits of staying where you are.

I don't think that everyone in your area are as you describe. It's just a matter of meeting the right people. Believe me, I speak from experience!

YANBU - how old are the DC?

YABU not to tell us where you're talking about though

I can't stand most of the PA, cat's bum mouthed people where we live. Good for DD and DH loves it so I suck it up. It helps that we have a lovely house and garden and it would be a pokey flat in glorious, beautiful, lovely, fun London.

Wacky does not mean a person is mental!

Are you in Cumbria by any chance?

oh god op, i could have written this, right down to the related, lived here a million years bit. they have made my life a bloody misery at times. but my ds looooves his school, the couple of friends iv'e made are really nice, and well, i love it here, it's just them. we did have loads of fallings out, they didn't like our visitors parking out the front (totally allowed, we confirmed) they didn't like our bbq smoke??!! loads of stuff, now we have stopped talking to our direct next door neighbours, we are much happier. yeah, it's a bit sad there's bad feeling, but we are not 70 and don't live in total silence, so we are never going to be what they want us to be. accept you can't get on with everyone, and be happy!

I live in a very cliquey little village, have done for seven years. Am only recently starting to feel like I'm putting roots down and being accepted. It's worth persevering if there are other benefits to living there!

Seaton?

I don't know whether I'd be driven out exactly, but there are places that can be tricky to live in.

I know some people who live in a tiny, spooky place just outside Honiton in Devon. Whenever we visit, I feel like an minor player in a novel from yonder years. It's a lovely looking place, but living there would take great strength of character.

It depends what sort of life you want. And how far away your friends are.

I live in area I love which is perfect for children, (and the people are nice) but I don't have any close friends nearby. The closest are about a thirty minute drive away, and others much much further. I don't mind that because when I see my friends we tend to make a day or a weekend of it, so it's not a problem and I'm happy with that. But if you want the sort of life where you bump into friendly faces all the time and can pop in for cups of tea on the spur of the moment, then you might be better off moving.

Do your children have solid friendships?

im in south norfolk btw!! are you??!!

People who live in rural areas can take FOREVER to warm up to you. Hang on in there, you'll get there in the end. For gods sake don't take offence. Once you're 'in' they'll be amazing, trust me.

This is the downside of "close-knit communities", isn't it? They're damned hard to break into as a newcomer.

I wouldn't say they were driving you out though. More that they're not holding you there, IYSWIM. And there are other, more obvious reasons to move too. You say the area is quite remote and your DH no longer works in the area, so how much time does he spend travelling? I always regard time spent commuting as wasted. And as your children get older, what is for them to do there? It might suit whilst they're young, but surely as they hit their teens they might want more around them?

So what's keeping you there? You love the house, you love the beauty of the area, crime is low and the schools are good. Well, other places have good schools and lovely houses. Other areas may not have the same beauty but will have their own beauty and charm. And crime everywhere is considerably lower than popular perception would have you believe. Really, I think the things you cite as keeping you there could also be found elsewhere.

Disclaimer : I am a complete townie; remote areas are for visiting only, then scurrying back to my busy town.

Isle of Wight?

Give us a clue then

I've lived all over in some very rural areas and have never had problems like this. Perhaps it is your attitude rather than the people around you. Are you very 'townie'?

We are far north Scotland.

I am not the only person who feels the way i do. Another parent from school also an incomer has sold up recently as she feels exactly like i do.

Even some people I know here who are 'locals' have said if they didnt have all their family here they wouldn't want to live here as it can be hard. There is only really one circle of people in each age group and if you are in its fine, if someone decides youre not their cuppa tea, its not so fine.

I have tried as you say outraged and invite friends up here but as time passes the novelty of a 5 hour drive wears off. I do like to have pop in for a cuppa type friendships. I like to be friendly and chatty with most people but im not really in any cliques. I have my own stuff going on too. But its things like neighbours, parents at school etc that i find hardwork. You cant really get away from them!

callisto not really a townie, grew up living rurally but on the outskirts of a big city.I don't think i have a bad attitude. i try to get on with most people, and am pretty down to earth and ordinary.

if you're going around calling people mental and wacky, I'd say it is you actually.

I'm Scottish and wouldn't live up there - it's so insular and you really have to be a certain type to hack it up there. My extended family are from there and they're unbelievably stoic - it's not really a quality I understand.

I'm also Scottish, a lowlander, and if I ever moved back there god forbid I couldn't live in the Highlands. You have my respect.

I lived in a very rural area for a while and decided I didn't like it for the reasons you describe. It was beautiful and peaceful but was full of people who had lived for generations there, had narrow horizons, stereotyped you because of your job (like toytown there was the vicar, the doctor, the policeman etc). My ex and I ended up escaping to the local city whenever possible.
I'm a townie at heart and like being able to walk to shops, swimming pool, large library, have a variety of clubs I can join with enough people in them to avoid folk I don't like.
It was an interesting experience but I decided I'd rather live in a bigger place and holiday in the rural ones.

Just to clear up the wacky and mental comment. Maybe that was a poor choice of words. There are many many people in the community with real mental health problems. Apparently the Scottish Highlands has the highest suicide rate the in uk. I am not mocking this, far from it, as my mental health has most definitely suffered living here. The social isolation in itself is often unbearable.

The wacky was more an off the cuff comment. There are a large amount of more unusual 'quirky' types here too. ALmost like the remote area attracts those who would stand out as a bit 'different'. Maybe what you would call 'alternative'. Which again can I just say I am not macking, although in this area I am pretty unremarkable, in my home town, closer to big city, my friends always take the P calling me 'mother earth' or ripping the P bacuse i was still breast feeding my almost 3 year old dd. In this area no one blinks an eye to this type of thing, which obviously is a very positive thing.

BUT there are more than a few cats bum faces and the wacky ones who would have anyone raising an eyebrow.. trying so hard to think of an example of the wacky ones.... will be back if i can think of one!

ok only example i can think of atm is this.

Few years ago a neighbour asked if id drop her ds to playgroup when taking my ds. At the time I had a 4yo, a 2yo and a 6mnth old. Life was chaotic to say the least and I was on my own as dh worked away.

So i had taken this little boy to playgroup a few times (he didnt go everyday only some of the days my dc went there). So one morning my 2yo was off colour and my 4yo was doing lunchtime visits to school in preparation for starting after summer. When I picked him up the playgroupl teacher asks 'do you know what happened to X today'.. I thought shit i was meant to take him today. Obviously i was mortified and immediately tried to ring his dad but got no answer despite ringing and ringing. I then saw his older child and said please tell your dad im so sorry i totally forgot about X this morn because dd ill and ds had to go to school blah blah blah. The dad then refused to speak to me for months saying that there must have been 'more to it than that', he just didnt believe i could forget his ds despite my apologising prefusely and telling him dd was ill, ds had to get to school and actually my own plate is spilling over so i could probably forget my own child let alone someone elses

Im sorry but if thats not wacky... shoot me!!