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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep quiet about my friends antics!

43 replies

pumpkinsweetie · 09/09/2012 13:19

One of my very close friends, who has been with her dp 2 years has told me some revelations i would rather not be part off.
Her dp is a loving man who took on her two children, pays all her debts and looks after her dcs every weekend so she can go out.
From what i see he is very supportive as a father & and a dp, my friend admits he is a good man also.
Problem is she has been meeting up with another man whilst her dp is a work along with her 2yo in toe & has been having days out and sex with him. She has only told me of this fling due to the fact i caught her on the phone to him and of course i figured what was going on!
Anyway last night me, her and another friend went out clubbing for this close friends birthday and at about 2am me & the other friend decided to call it a night, get a kebab and go home but my close friend had 'other plans'- plans to go of to another town and meet this man for more sex.
She wanted me to lie to her dp 'if asked' that she stayed out later than we actually did, i said "i don't know" and of she went in a taxi to meet him.
This morning she text me that she didn't get back until 6am and if questioned by her dp to tell him she stayed at my home!!
I do not want any part in her infidelity as her dp is a good man and he would be crushed by this if he also found out not only her, but i also had a part in these lies aswell as the other friend who also knows about this.
Aibu to lie at all, wwyd?
Although she is my friend im unsure of what the best thing to do is?
Do i lie , stretch the truth or tell?

OP posts:
Inneedofbrandy · 09/09/2012 13:23

Horrible situation to put you in, but don't get involved. No one will appreciate being told that news. It will all come back on you.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 09/09/2012 13:25

Thats what i thought Ineed, its very awkard and i kind of wished i didn't know about it as it puts me in shit when he does find outSad

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 09/09/2012 13:25

She's not that much of a friend to put you in this situation, but then you should have said a bit more than 'I don't know' if you didn't want to be part of it perhaps?

You're caught between a rock and a hard place, I can understand why you don't want to tell her DP she wasn't with you because who'd want to be the one to cause him that stress (even though it's not you doing anything), but then why should you lie for her?

I'd probably avoid them and ignore any phone calls.

CailinDana · 09/09/2012 13:26

Tell your friend you're not lying for her and if her DP does ask just tell him you don't know where she was. I wouldn't tell him the truth as it's too complicated a situation to get involved in, but I certainly wouldn't be used as a pawn by my "friend."

LindyHemming · 09/09/2012 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 09/09/2012 13:27

If he's likely to ask you about her staying at yours, does that say he's suspicious something might have gone on?

And would she have gone back home at 6am from yours? Surely she'd have gone later?

BurlingtonBertieFromBow · 09/09/2012 13:31

I would not grass her up to her DP but I wouldn't lie for her either. I would tell her not to use me as an alibi, and that if he asked me I would say I didn't know where she was.

I would always take the side of a friend when a relationship goes tits up for whatever reason. But I would try to get her to see the reality of the situation and her likelihood of getting caught out.

I would probably just ignore the DP's calls

NameChangeGalore · 09/09/2012 13:32

What a horrible woman. If it was a little white lie, it would be understandable, but something like this? I wouldn't get involved at all, and tell her that.

bleedingheart · 09/09/2012 13:33

He probably won't outright ask but might refer to it. She isn't much of a friend to ask you to do this.
I really feel for you, her other friends and her DP. Is she taking her 2yr old with her when she's having this affair? Yuck.

noblegiraffe · 09/09/2012 13:38

Just say 'don't drag me into this, it's all on you'.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 09/09/2012 13:41

Thats just it if it was a 'one off' i would of course support her as i know that sometimes these things happen unfortunetly but this seems to be the start of a fling. I do know that her & dp don't have much of a sex life but instead of talking to him and spicing things up she thinks she won't get 'bored' whilst doing this and everything else in their relationship can stay the same iyswim.
For now im going to avoid going round hers whilst dp is there in hope that the question never arises then in theory i haven't actually lied nor have i told.
I even gave her a gift for her birthday that she could use in spicing things up with her dp but its still sitting on the side & i doubt whether she will use it with dp Sad
Oh well is suppose i will have to lie to myself that this isn't happening

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 09/09/2012 13:45

I could not lie for her.

I would not want to be friends with somebody like her either. Sad What a horrible woman, both to her dp and to you.

DoMeDon · 09/09/2012 13:48

Best not to get involved. Tell her if he asks you will not lie BUT you will have to be ok with the 'friendship' ending. Alternatively, if you cannot bear to lose this friend, you could agree to it this time but tell her how hurt you were that she involved you and make it crystal clear you will never lie again.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 09/09/2012 13:52

She has also dragged me other friend into it and our dps know too, friends dp really feels for him as he is is quite friendly with him and also goes on fishing trips once a month.
The problem is she is also meeting him in public and its only a matter of time before this is found out and once he finds out all of us knew it isn't going to be good.
Im hoping it will fizzle out and she takes our advice about sorting out their sex life instead of looking else where, either that or her & her dp decide to split up amicably before its found out she cheated

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 09/09/2012 14:02

I couldn't be friends with her tbh.

Disgusting behaviour.

FrustratedSycamorePants · 09/09/2012 14:05

Since at least 5 people already know and are talking about it, you are all aready involved, why can't one of you be honest and tell this poor bloke?

ReindeersGoldenBollocks · 09/09/2012 14:07

You don't need to actively tell her DP, just refuse to lie for her.

Let's face it, if she is being that open about it, her DP is going to find out sooner or later.

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 09/09/2012 14:17

Just awful. I would text her back and say that I think her behaviour is terrible and I would not be dragged into lowering my principles just because she has chosen to lower hers. Her poor DH Sad.

OrangeImperialGoldBlether · 09/09/2012 15:06

I would get my husband to tell her husband. He needs to know - he's being taken for a mug. He's babysitting her children while she goes out shagging other men? And he's paying her debts too? He should know.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 09/09/2012 15:20

It's even more worrying than i imagined as i have found out she hasn't been using protection either, she has the rod but if she catches something he will also catch it Shock!
Not as if it's bad enough what she's doing, this makes it even worse...

OP posts:
WandaDoff · 09/09/2012 15:32

I certainly wouldn't lie for her.

Sallyingforth · 09/09/2012 18:12

One of my very close friends
You are not very good at choosing friends are you.

Now you are drip feeding us about her lack of protection.

IF this is all true then you should have nothing more to do with her.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 09/09/2012 18:43

Sallying-I have never known her to do such a thing before, if we all had a crystal ball when meeting people life would be a lot easier but unfortunetly i didn't see this coming. I only drip fed as i only found out about her non use of condoms after i posted.
For now im keeping my distance and hoping this thing fizzles out as quick as it started.

OP posts:
BurlingtonBertieFromBow · 10/09/2012 14:45

Very bad form to drag others into something like this

I am sure it's only a matter of time before she gets busted, as it sounds like half the world knows and she is poncing about on day trips with this guy

cheekybarsteward · 10/09/2012 16:48

I would be suggesting new partners for her DP as she was clearly flounting her affair so openly that he was bound to be looking for someone else soon....but then I have an evil streak Grin