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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to keep quiet about my friends antics!

43 replies

pumpkinsweetie · 09/09/2012 13:19

One of my very close friends, who has been with her dp 2 years has told me some revelations i would rather not be part off.
Her dp is a loving man who took on her two children, pays all her debts and looks after her dcs every weekend so she can go out.
From what i see he is very supportive as a father & and a dp, my friend admits he is a good man also.
Problem is she has been meeting up with another man whilst her dp is a work along with her 2yo in toe & has been having days out and sex with him. She has only told me of this fling due to the fact i caught her on the phone to him and of course i figured what was going on!
Anyway last night me, her and another friend went out clubbing for this close friends birthday and at about 2am me & the other friend decided to call it a night, get a kebab and go home but my close friend had 'other plans'- plans to go of to another town and meet this man for more sex.
She wanted me to lie to her dp 'if asked' that she stayed out later than we actually did, i said "i don't know" and of she went in a taxi to meet him.
This morning she text me that she didn't get back until 6am and if questioned by her dp to tell him she stayed at my home!!
I do not want any part in her infidelity as her dp is a good man and he would be crushed by this if he also found out not only her, but i also had a part in these lies aswell as the other friend who also knows about this.
Aibu to lie at all, wwyd?
Although she is my friend im unsure of what the best thing to do is?
Do i lie , stretch the truth or tell?

OP posts:

LouMacca · 10/09/2012 16:55

I lied years ago for my best friend. I've regretted it ever since. My DH was absolutely livid when he found out. Not to mention how hurt her DH was with me. She is still a close friend but things will never be the same between her DH and me. I don't blame him. I would NEVER do it again.

FrustratedSycamorePants · 10/09/2012 17:33

OP if you were her DH wouldn't you want to be told rather than have people discussing what a mug you've been taken for? I know I would. It hurts less to be told than not to have been told and find out everyone knows.

quoteunquote · 10/09/2012 17:37

OP, this woman is not your friend, have nothing to do with her, friends do not put each other in awkward positions deliberately .

suburbophobe · 10/09/2012 18:03

Yes, you need to deal with this.

Once the sh*t hits the fan, you will look like you were privy to the information and did nothing about it, her DH will hate you, and will have repurcussions on your own in the sense that your DH will also wonder if you are capable of such devious ways.....

If she is flaunting it so openly I'm surprised her DH hasn't caught on (yet).

I once was in such an uncomfortable situation, I once "blurted it out" to her "BF" over a dinner we had together, not realising she didn't know. "The friend" turned it around as MY!! fault

(shoot the messenger!)....we are no longer friends obviously...

(I had always told her I did not approve and thought it was a bad role model for (LP) daughter....).

CrapBag · 10/09/2012 19:37

This mans sexual health is now at risk because of your friend.

He sounds like such a decent bloke and he is going to be very humiliated when this all comes out and it turns out that so many people knew before him.

Don't lie and I would get one of the men who know to tell him. He could catch something.

Original poster

pumpkinsweetie · 10/09/2012 19:57

My friends dp is thinking of telling him.
He will be heartbroken when he finds out.
Unfortunetly i have also found out this isn't the first time she has done this, she done it a couple of years ago too .
Im staying out off it as, and she knows if questioned i will not cover for her.

OP posts:

RubixCube · 15/09/2012 18:53

Don't tell.As i think i know who you are on about i really wouldn't open my mouth but i wouldn't lie for her either.Tell her shes on her own with this one and she is putting you in an awful situation and you are really not happy with it.

RubixCube · 15/09/2012 18:55

I say this as i think shes the type that would bring trouble to your door if you told him.

holyfishnets · 15/09/2012 18:58

I think you need to tell her that you are not prepared to lie

HildaOgden · 15/09/2012 19:00

I wouldn't volunteer the information,but if I was asked I wouldn't lie for her.

The chances are though,that if he does ask,he already suspects.

Thingiebob · 15/09/2012 19:01

Been a similar situation. I refused to participate in the lies and cut the friend out of my life until it was all resolved.

I would tell her how you feel and that you are not going to cover for her.

raspberrytipple · 15/09/2012 19:18

Been in exactly the same situation, a friend was cheating and asked me to lie for her. I said I wouldn't, but I also wasn't going to tell her partner. I was very clear that I thought what she was doing was despicable. We no longer speak. I've no idea if her partner ever knew what was going on. If someone puts you in that situation they are not worth being friends with, they don't deserve friends or a partner who is good to them.

Idocrazythings · 15/09/2012 19:31

Just another angle- do you think she could have some mental health issues? (maybe even undiagnosed if it's out of character for her) Could she be on a manic/high phase?. What is she otherwise like? Seems very odd to be letting everyone find out, not use protection and going out all weekend, every weekend when you have small children.

No disrespect intended to anyone just putting it out there.

catgirl1976 · 15/09/2012 20:07

Don't lie for her.

Tell her you won't

Don't tell her DH about the affair, but don't lie for her

tbh she's no friend

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 15/09/2012 22:01

Since at least 5 people already know and are talking about it, you are all aready involved, why can't one of you be honest and tell this poor bloke?

I agee, i hate threads like this with all the "don't get involved" "it will only come back on you" and "no-one will thank you"

eugh why are people so fucking selfish

lovebunny · 16/09/2012 00:06

it isn't down to you to tell the partner.

but don't lie for her. and ditch her. she's not nice.

tryingtofoster · 16/09/2012 02:40

She is no real friend to you to put you in this position,
and if she is this decietful to her DP then you really cannot trust her.
you need to distance yourself before you get dragged into an even worse situation.

nailak · 16/09/2012 03:04

Have you talked to her? I mean if she is a close friend, have you talked to her and said, I don't like this, why are you risking the good things you have?

Tried to find out why she is really doing this? Why sex is so important?

It does sound like a manic phase.

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