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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell the DVLA about DH's seizure if he applies for his driving license back?

39 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 09/09/2012 11:06

He has been seizure free for four years and was in the process of getting his license back, which he may need to keep his job. If he loses his job we are massively fucked.

He had a seizure yesterday. Worse than any I have ever witnessed before. He says it was because he drank too much the day before and has not been taking his medication properly because he wrongly thought his epilepsy was getting better, having been seizure free for so long.

He has asked me not to tell the doctors about his seizure because he still wants his drivers license back. I am really not happy about this. Previous to this four years he would have a seizure about once a year, which is not a lot, but once a year is all it would take to kill a mother and a child if he had a fit at the wheel.

I can live with loosing our house. I could not live with my children loosing their father or an innocent bystander loosing their life because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He has never been very responsible with his medication or eating and sleeping properly, which the doctor says was the cause of him having seizures when they should be controlled by medication. I don't trust him to become responsible just because he is driving again.

He says he just wants his license so it is there and he is not planning on driving until/if the need arises to keep his job. I'd rather me learn to drive and everyone get up earlier to drop him off at work before the school run than risk him driving.

Would I BU to phone and tell them what has happened if he decides to try for his license back?

OP posts:
trumpeter · 09/09/2012 11:08

It sounds to me like you know exactly what you have to do. Of course you need to tell them. YANBU.

AThingInYourLife · 09/09/2012 11:09

YANBU

I can't believe he would be so irresponsible.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 09/09/2012 11:10

I would Sad You have to really, don't you?

Alarielle · 09/09/2012 11:12

YANBU

He is putting his life and others at risk.

Sparklingbrook · 09/09/2012 11:13

You know the getting the licence back? Does it involve a letter from his GP?

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff · 09/09/2012 11:13

He needs to tell them, if he doesn't he is giving false information which (although Im not 100% sure) I imagine could result in legal implications.

How would he feel if he had a seizure whilst driving, crashed and killed somebody?

He needs to face up to reality and regardless of it leaving you fucked financially, the alternative (fraud, causing a fatality on the road, jail sentence?) leaves you equally fucked.

Sorry to be harsh, I don't mean to be horrible, but this is serious and your DH needs to face reality. You realise this, I don't think it should be up to you though, he should be the one to notify them.

I hope that you get things sorted.

degutastic · 09/09/2012 11:14

YANBU Sad

WofflingOn · 09/09/2012 11:14

'He says it was because he drank too much the day before and has not been taking his medication properly because he wrongly thought his epilepsy was getting better, having been seizure free for so long.'

He's a cock and could end up killing people. If he wants to have a license, why is he being so bloody irresponsible? You need to be the driver until he grows the fuck up!

mellen · 09/09/2012 11:14

YANBU.
Another option would be to let his GP know?

getmeoutofthismadhouse · 09/09/2012 11:15

You do need to be honest ! You may not forgive yourself if he had a seizure and something awful happened to him and/or someone else .
Its not worth the risk !!!

WofflingOn · 09/09/2012 11:16

I don't think I look pretty in my glasses, and I can't wear contact lenses. Despite my vision being minimal, AIBU to drive without them so I can be attractive?

Some0ne · 09/09/2012 11:17

You know what to do.

Aside from anything else, it would probably invalidate his insurance.

GhostShip · 09/09/2012 11:17

YANBU op. its a hard decision to make but one that could save lives

NotInGuatemalaNowDrRopata · 09/09/2012 11:18

Agree with everyone else and he could also kill you and your children. If it's an option for you to learn to drive, do so!

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 09/09/2012 11:25

Well I need to be driving anyway, so me having lessons would not be an extra cost to us.

He was never planning on driving with us in the car. He was only ever going to drive to and from work and nothing else, but again that will not stop him having a seizure at the wheel. It will make less likely, because he won't be in the car often, but it won't negate the risk totally.

I am going to tell someone, maybe his GP, if he tries to get his license back. Me not saying anything was never an option. I know I could never forgive myself if I ignored it and something terrible happened as a result.

I just wanted to test the water on how other people would react to me 'dropping him in it'.

OP posts:
mellen · 09/09/2012 11:26

Dont look at it as 'dropping him in it'. You could be saving his life.

ZiaMaria · 09/09/2012 11:26

You should tell them. If he has a seizure at the wheel, the best scenario is that he only hurts himself/his car. The worst is that a hell of a lot of people are injured/killed and the police, finding out about his seizure, do him for murder/manslaughter/etc.

threeOrangesocksmorgan · 09/09/2012 11:26

yanbu
does he realise he has to tell his insurance company too, otherwise he will not be covered

hhhhhhh · 09/09/2012 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 09/09/2012 11:30

He's never needed to drive before BesiseTheSea, he has been happy taking his bike or public transport.

Where his job might be relocating to is too far away to cycle and the hours he would work make it impossible to get public transport. He is agency staff atm, so wouldn't be covered under the equal rights act if they relocated the position, they'd just end his temporary contract. If he is relocated he gets a permanent position, which we really need.

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 09/09/2012 11:31

So he wouldn't drive with his own children in the car, but he's prepared to get behind the wheel and put everybody else's children at risk?

Yes, he is a cock.

procrastinor · 09/09/2012 11:33

It invalidates his licence never mind insurance. You know what to do. But I would lay it at his door first - tell the DVLA by x date or I will. And it will have serious repercussions in our marriage if I'm forced to do it. Because tbh I would have serious problems with my dh if he couldn't see past his own interests to the bigger picture.

zzzzz · 09/09/2012 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hhhhhhh · 09/09/2012 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 09/09/2012 11:47

I wouldn't want to drive him. It would make things very difficult on a morning, but I would do it if it meant him keeping his job.

I'd be happy to move closer. I don't think he would. His job is not far from some excellent transport links, in a lovely city that I have wanted to move to for years.

He could possibly lift share once he got in there and met people, but atm he doesn't know anyone there or anyone who would be transferred there with him.

He could use public transport to get home, but it would take him over an hour to get back. The buses are not on early enough to get him in on time. He could ask for different hours but there is no guarantee that they'd give him them. I can't see why they would refuse, though.

OP posts: