WIBU to tell the DVLA about DH's seizure if he applies for his driving license back?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

He has been seizure free for four years and was in the process of getting his license back, which he may need to keep his job. If he loses his job we are massively fucked.

He had a seizure yesterday. Worse than any I have ever witnessed before. He says it was because he drank too much the day before and has not been taking his medication properly because he wrongly thought his epilepsy was getting better, having been seizure free for so long.

He has asked me not to tell the doctors about his seizure because he still wants his drivers license back. I am really not happy about this. Previous to this four years he would have a seizure about once a year, which is not a lot, but once a year is all it would take to kill a mother and a child if he had a fit at the wheel.

I can live with loosing our house. I could not live with my children loosing their father or an innocent bystander loosing their life because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He has never been very responsible with his medication or eating and sleeping properly, which the doctor says was the cause of him having seizures when they should be controlled by medication. I don't trust him to become responsible just because he is driving again.

He says he just wants his license so it is there and he is not planning on driving until/if the need arises to keep his job. I'd rather me learn to drive and everyone get up earlier to drop him off at work before the school run than risk him driving.

Would I BU to phone and tell them what has happened if he decides to try for his license back?

I can't believe he is being so irresponsible! I have been seizure free and driving for 6 years because I take my medication. He needs to face up to the fact that he could kill himself or someone else. I'm quite sure he would be in a whole heap of trouble for lying. IIRC the DVLA initially threatened me with County Court action after a genuine miscommunication of information.

Employers must make reasonable adjustments, so starting later to enable travel public transport would be a reasonable request. (Though check with CAB re. wording of request etc).

His insurance will be invalid, and if he knowingly drives with this medical condition he could face a prison sentence,

If he kills someone he and you will live for the rest of your lives knowing that it could of been avoided,

you have to face up to the fact that he can no longer drive and find a way to work with that.

Tell him you will not support him lying about this, it is morally wrong and he would be risking his and other innocent's lives.

Write to the Doctor in confidence.

Then if he gets pass the Doctor write to the DVLA.

We recently had this with my elderly father who had a seizure, falling completely unconscious - tests showed he had had a number of TIA's leading up to this.

He was adammant that he wanted his licence back, and we were terrified that he would somehow slip through the net and be given it back. I could not have lived with myself if I'd enabled it by not saying anything so I contacted both the doc and the DVLA, who by the way said he would have has to jump through hoops anyway.

YANBU

Good luck.

If he went ahead and did this anyway our relationship would already be in turmoil. He knows how I feel about people taking unnecessary risks with something as potentially dangerous as a car.

If he couldn't understand why I phoned the DVLA our relationship would be over. I could not stay with a man who would knowingly risk the lives of others so he could keep his house, no matter how small they argued the risk was.

If we lose the house we will be in the shit. We will have to work seriously hard to get back on the property ladder but there is always the possibility that we could make it back on the property ladder. If he killed someone nothing could change that. We would have to live with that forever. Our children would have to grow up knowing their father valued bricks over lives. Someone's family would have to live knowing their loved one lost a life because someone else wanted to keep their house.

I just wish he could see it the way I do I am still hoping he comes to his senses.

Dad's Doctor was very good, told him quite bluntly that although he understood he wanted that independence still it's not about you, it's about that mother you are robbing of a child, or those children you are leaving without a father, - you would not be able to live with yourself, - this is not worth risking lives over (I could have kissed him)

I have a medical condition but as long as i abide to the life style changes I HAD to make then I am symptom free.

That is what a reasonable, responsible adult does. In my situation it would also of been my licence and my job (I am a nurse).

I can not drink alcohol ever again, have to later nights plus numerous other things but they are worth the sacrifice to feel well and to be able to function.

I really have no time for people who have a medical condition and think they know better than the doctors who have trained for years to help them (and don't get me started on asthmatics who smoke or I will be ranting all day!!!)

I could not stay with a man who would knowingly risk the lives of others

Especially when he does it by not taking his medication properly. It's really not that hard to take pills or inject yourself at the right time every day. Thousands of people do it. Not doing it when it's only you who is affected is silly and irritating. Not doing it when others will be affected by your actions is dangerous and irresponsible.

I think you should give him fair warning that you will not allow him to do this, and if he goes ahead with it you will notify the DVLA.

And book driving lessons ASAP (tbh you should have done that 4 years ago).

Apart from anything else, he needs to protect his DCs against the lOSS of their father.

What sort of after effects does he have after a seizure? My OH has epilepsy and I wouldn't hold him to anything he said the day after a seizure, he's noticeably 'different' for up to a week afterwards. Do you think after effects could be clouding his judgment?

I should have done it four years ago, yes, but to be honest I've never really been bothered about driving. Where I live pretty much everything is accessible by walking.

I only want to drive now because it would be needed for a change in career I am looking at.

I'll still make everyone walk everywhere, even if we have a car

I'm hoping it's that spoons, but worryingly he seems quite normal today. He was very confused yesterday. He was seemed quite alarmed when I told him our current foster pup was not the previous one. She hasn't lived with us for months now.

I should have told him he promised to hand all his credit cards over to me

I've just asked him again and he is still insisting he knows why he had a seizure and it won't happen again. He also adamant he only wants his licence so he has it and he is not planning on using it. So why apply then? Why not just take his meds, eat and sleep properly and apply next year?

I told him again I would not stand back and just let him lie about something so risky.

Holy shit Doo in,Ive followed your ongoing marital trials and tribulations for over a year.I have usually been quite suportive but this is just not on.When are you going to a)Grass him or b)LTB.You, your kids and dogs must deserve better.