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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this woman was rude

65 replies

Pilchardnpoppy · 08/09/2012 20:16

Hi, yesterday I walked into town with 2 year old dd in the Phil and Teds and 3 month old ds in his sling. It's probably about a mile walk, so not to far and I can manage it reasonably well, but it is tiring as dd and the buggy are heavy and I can't steer it as well as I could with out having ds in the sling. He's ok in the buggy if awake and well fed, but sleeps much better and for longer in the sling, so I use it for a happy life. Not moaning at all, just setting the scene.

Normally people are so lovely and will step to one side and offer to help us with doors, picking things up if we drop them etc, and I really appreciate that as they can obviously see it's not easy. We also get lots of lovely comments such as "oh you've got your hands full' etc.

Anyway, i was in the supermarket buying about 2 big bags worth of shopping - not a big shop, just a few bits we needed. Dd and ds were quiet, as ds was asleep and dd had a packet of Smarties, but I knew this could change at anytime if ds woke up hungry or dd needed the potty or decided she wanted to get out. So I was hoping to get of the shop as quickly as possible.

I was at the checkout bending down to unload the shopping from underneath the buggy onto the checkout when I see a woman hovering beside me instead of queuing behind me. She only had one item, and asked of she could go in front of me. There was no one else behind me, but I had had to wait while the checkout operator served two other customers.

I was quite shocked and annoyed that she asked, but don't really like confrontation so just replied 'yes' but I think my tone probably said it all.If she hadn't have asked, or hovered expectantly, I probably would have suggested she go in front.

I just felt like she could have gone to the kiosk to pay, or the self serve or basket checkouts - anything rather than push in front of a woman struggling with 2 young kids. AIBU or was she?

OP posts:

maddening · 08/09/2012 23:06

you say she was hovering over you? Do you think maybe she was too much in your personal space etc that she put your back up a little when you were probably already dealing with a lot? As you say you would normally have offered so it sounds more like her approach was off?

Original poster

Pilchardnpoppy · 08/09/2012 23:14

Can people with dying husbands not eat cream cake?
Of course the can cheesesarnie! My response about this was slightly tongue in cheek.

From what she was buying I inferred that she was buying a treat, so probably off somewhere to enjoy that treat. Equally, she could have been on her lunch real and buying the for colleagues or for her boss. Had she have been buying pile cream or paracetamol, I may have been more willing to help her.

As I have said, I wasn't feeling particularly entitled or sorry for myself at having to go shopping with 2 young dc, just a little on edge in the calm before the storm, but minding my own business, waiting my turn at the checkout. Not expecting anyone to help me or give me preferential treatment, but also not feeling in a position to be able to let a seemingly calm persons life a bit easier by letting them go first.

OP posts:

Lolwhut · 09/09/2012 14:52

She did ask you, you said yes. You could easily have said that you were sorry but that you were in a rush. You didn't want her to go first but you told her she could. That is why YA still BU about this. Next time I am sure you will feel better if you say what you want.

I am in my fabulous forties and find it much easier now to be more assertive, I don't think I am rude but I don't let myself get pushed around by bossy people.

ilovesooty · 09/09/2012 14:59

Absolutely.

dontquotem3 · 09/09/2012 15:07

Agree with everything LingDiLong said!

threeOrangesocksmorgan · 09/09/2012 15:13

wow yabu

lisaro · 09/09/2012 15:19

YABVVU. And to be fair she was probably hovering until you had a moment to be asked. With you being snitty with her she may well think twice about approaching anyone in that situation to help if they need it.

LeeCoakley · 09/09/2012 15:24

I'm worried OP that you were still fretting about this a day later. Maybe just accept that everyone is different and has different views on niceties, customs, queue etiquette etc? We have no idea what strangers are thinking, feeling and having to deal with. She may have thought you were going to take an age and you thought she was going off somewhere nice to eat cakes. Both wrong or right? It doesn't matter. Don't let little things get you down

RuleBritannia · 09/09/2012 15:51

I queue up at a checkout behind others unloading trolleys but I never ask if I may go in front if I have only a few items. If I have the facility offered to me then I will accept with thanks but I would neverask.

TudorJess · 09/09/2012 16:27

"She did ask you, you said yes. You could easily have said that you were sorry but that you were in a rush."

But some of us would always say yes in case it seemed rude to refuse or in case they might be really putting someone out. So anyone who asks is putting the other person in an awkward position where they may feel unable to say no.

firawla · 09/09/2012 16:30

She was not that rude, when i started reading the OP i was expecting something much ruder than that!

ilovesooty · 09/09/2012 16:30

If someone's "unable to say no" that's their problem.

Breathoffreshair · 09/09/2012 18:55

There are some harsh reactions here to OP.
She hasn't asked if she should be treated like the bloody queen and be allowed to bully women who are rushing off to give cream cakes to their dying husbands just because she has children. Or suggested that anyone should be publicly flogged for queue jumping.
And the suggestion that it's not difficult to say no to a request to queue jump is lacking in basic understanding of of the human psyche.

TudorJess · 09/09/2012 18:59

"If someone's "unable to say no" that's their problem."

I don't think so, Sooty. It may just mean they're very polite - what true gentleman or lady would say no? Best for people not to try to take advantage of those with the best manners, I think, or those who may be feeling vulnerable for whatever reason.

Breathoffreshair is right in saying "the suggestion that it's not difficult to say no to a request to queue jump is lacking in basic understanding of of the human psyche."

Mitasuki · 09/09/2012 19:18

sorry but i have to stick up for the poor mum here. I have been in a que like that with some one hovering wanting to go infrount. my two were about same age but in a double pushchair and i could only use one till. when i said no she stormed off like i had slaped her in the face but she was right behind me for atleast 5 minuets in the space where some ones in your space and your not comfortable.

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