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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this woman was rude

65 replies

Pilchardnpoppy · 08/09/2012 20:16

Hi, yesterday I walked into town with 2 year old dd in the Phil and Teds and 3 month old ds in his sling. It's probably about a mile walk, so not to far and I can manage it reasonably well, but it is tiring as dd and the buggy are heavy and I can't steer it as well as I could with out having ds in the sling. He's ok in the buggy if awake and well fed, but sleeps much better and for longer in the sling, so I use it for a happy life. Not moaning at all, just setting the scene.

Normally people are so lovely and will step to one side and offer to help us with doors, picking things up if we drop them etc, and I really appreciate that as they can obviously see it's not easy. We also get lots of lovely comments such as "oh you've got your hands full' etc.

Anyway, i was in the supermarket buying about 2 big bags worth of shopping - not a big shop, just a few bits we needed. Dd and ds were quiet, as ds was asleep and dd had a packet of Smarties, but I knew this could change at anytime if ds woke up hungry or dd needed the potty or decided she wanted to get out. So I was hoping to get of the shop as quickly as possible.

I was at the checkout bending down to unload the shopping from underneath the buggy onto the checkout when I see a woman hovering beside me instead of queuing behind me. She only had one item, and asked of she could go in front of me. There was no one else behind me, but I had had to wait while the checkout operator served two other customers.

I was quite shocked and annoyed that she asked, but don't really like confrontation so just replied 'yes' but I think my tone probably said it all.If she hadn't have asked, or hovered expectantly, I probably would have suggested she go in front.

I just felt like she could have gone to the kiosk to pay, or the self serve or basket checkouts - anything rather than push in front of a woman struggling with 2 young kids. AIBU or was she?

OP posts:

Lolwhut · 08/09/2012 20:45

I love it when an OP listens to the replies and concedes that they were BU .

I don't think the lady was BU as she only had one item. I think you should have taken it as a compliment that you were obviously making shopping with 2 little DC's look too easy. . I bet she wouldn't have asked if they had been screaming.

So, I am sorry to say YABU but don't give it another moments thought and have a or and enjoy the rest of the weekend.

squeakytoy · 08/09/2012 20:46

but you were not struggling with children.. one was asleep, one was tied to you..

blondieminx · 08/09/2012 20:47

Telling the OP to get over themselves when they've taken it on the chin that they were a little bit U is very unreasonable

OP doing the supermarket run with just a 2yo (without a 3m old as well) does my head in some days - you totally have my sympathies! Don't let an impatient woman with one item get you down eh?

merrymonsters · 08/09/2012 20:48

I think people with one item should go to the '6 items or fewer' lanes or the self-checkout and not try to get in front of other people. I've said 'no' to these requests before.

modifiedmum · 08/09/2012 20:50

i wish you could like posts on here

ilovesooty · 08/09/2012 20:50

Telling the OP to get over themselves when they've taken it on the chin that they were a little bit U is very unreasonable

I said that because after admitting she was perhaps BU she still said she was "shocked" that the woman had asked at all.

TheCrackFox · 08/09/2012 20:51

I once said no to someone wanting to go ahead of me. She looked most put out so I directed her to the till that was reserved for baskets (absolutely empty) and then she admitted she couldn't be bothered to walk over there.

habbibu · 08/09/2012 20:52

Well, you can take it as a sign that you hide your flusteredness well, at least...

Noqontrol · 08/09/2012 20:53

I'd have let her go in front quite happily if she only had one thing. I'd have felt rude not to really.

Breathoffreshair · 08/09/2012 20:56

I too would be surprised that someone wanted to push in front of another person, especially carrying children.
Just because the childen were happy at that time doesn't mean that things couldn't kick off any moment as nyone who lives on planet earth should be aware. Not the end of the world, it's just a bit forward and inconsiderate.

QuangleWangleQuee · 08/09/2012 20:57

She wasn't rude, but perhaps thoughtless. If she doesn't have children then she wasn't to know really, if she does she should really have known better how quickly it can turn from calm to chaos!

Original poster

Pilchardnpoppy · 08/09/2012 20:58

ilovesooty I meant shocked as in a 'oh you've taken me by surprise and I don't really know what to say other than 'yes' sort of way. After it happened there were things going round in my head that I could have said iyswim!

I wish I was more like merrymonsters and have said no, but I'm such a wimp! What do people do/say when you've said that?

Thanks to those that understand that it can be stressful shopping with a toddler. Not the most stressful thing ever, I admit. But add in bit of sleep deprivation and tantrums, sometimes it can be the straw that broke the camels back!

OP posts:

Toughasoldboots · 08/09/2012 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 08/09/2012 21:00

Or she might have IBS and have needed to get to a toilet just as a child might have needed the potty suddenly. We simply don't know.

Original poster

Pilchardnpoppy · 08/09/2012 21:03

toughasoldboots you're right, she could have had a dying husband, but she was buying cream cakes, so I assumed that she didn't! It seemed she was Only heading somewhere to eat some lovely cakes!

OP posts:

Hopeforever · 08/09/2012 21:04

Ilovesooty, that was my thought, perhaps she had a UTI or similar, but most likely she didn't want to q as she was bored.

Shame she didn't offer to help the OP load the shopping onto the conveyor belt and then into bags at the other end

Hopeforever · 08/09/2012 21:05

Maybe the cream cakes were for her dying husband?

SummerSolstice · 08/09/2012 21:12

Probably not rude but I certainly think she was a tad cheeky! Let's hope she repays the favour when she does her weekly shop.

3monkeys3 · 08/09/2012 21:23

Whilst this isn't really a big deal, or something I would get in a tizz about, I don't understand why people just can't wait their turn. And I do think there are lots of people out there who are blinkered to the difficulties people have - I used to drop things all the time when I was pregnant and nobody ever stopped to help me pick things up! I know mumsnetters like to go no about people feeling 'entitled' because they have young children/whatever, but doesn't this apply to the woman at the check out too? She was 'entitled' for thinking she should jump the queue because she only had one item.

Lolwhut · 08/09/2012 21:27

Perhaps push-in lady was diabetic and had dangerously low glucose level?

Not only would OP have accomplished a successful shopping expedition with her two DC she may have helped prevent the pushy-in ladies untimely death. Good work OP.

cheesesarnie · 08/09/2012 21:36

'she could have had a dying husband, but she was buying cream cakes, so I assumed that she didn't!'

Can people with dying husbands not eat cream cake?

SoleSource · 08/09/2012 21:47

Yabu, sorry but YANBU if thete is other stuff going on that triggered tbat response. Serious stuff, marridge worries etc.

HoratiaWinwood · 08/09/2012 21:52

I think it would have been different if there hadn't been two people in front of you. If the cashier had been waiting for you, then her queue-jumping polite request wouldn't have made any difference to you, but as it was you were disadvantaged, to whatever degree.

I'd have been a bit incredulous that she was saying "Can I jump ahead of you?" rather than "Do you need a hand?", really. But not everyone has such good manners as I have so perhaps we shouldn't be surprised.

I often let people with just the odd thing go ahead of me/us. A very easy RAOK.

TudorJess · 08/09/2012 22:25

YANBU. People should just wait their turn whether they have 1 item or 100. Anyone knows if they go shopping they'll probably have to queue, that's how it is. It just causes awkwardness if people ask to jump the queue.

Glimmerberry · 08/09/2012 22:58

Take it as a compliment - you must have looked more in control than you thought.

And really, if you didn't want to let her in you should have said no. Be assertive, rather than huffy! YWBU.

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