To feel really angry and undermined!

[namechangingonceagain]

Sorry have name changed for this as fairly regular poster and don't want to out myself.

So here DC2 who is 8 often has friends over for tea after school. One friend in particular who would come quite often and is a lovely child. DC2 is very tall and slim. Lately DC2 has been commenting that xxxx's mum says I need fattening up and keeps asking what I feed them. Incidentally DC2 has a MASSIVE appetite, often has second helpings at mealtimes and always snacking on fruit between meals. I felt a bit cross about this but let it slide. Also to mention that DC2's friend is very overweight and would wear clothes about 3 sizes bigger to fit her. This is none of my business but I feel is relevant information.

So lately when the friend has been coming she has been bringing chocolate, haribo's and bags of crisps that her mother has sent with her. I always give them some haribos and I usually get chocolate muffins in for after tea. So cut to midweek when i was talking to xxxx's mum she suddenly said "oh you do realise xxxx has a big appetite and needs lot's of feeding." I laughed off the comment but felt like she was having a dig. I do find her quite a pushy sort of person.

So last night had the friend over for tea. Served up lasagne, garlic bread, side salad and did a few potato wedges. After I had bought ice cream for them. So we are halfway through our meal and DC2 and xxxx are almost finished when the doorbell goes and there is xxxx's mum standing there with 3 McDonalds sodding happy meals, one for xxxx and each of my DC's. To say I felt furious was an understatement but I was rendered speeechless! So she bustles in and hands them the happy meals and says "oh I thought they deserved a Friday treat"!!

My children had a few bites but couldn't manage theirs, no bloody wonder! DC's friend ate most of hers then went home with her mum. At the time I was so shocked that words and action just completely failed. My DH thinks it's absolutely hilarious which isn't helping matters. So give me some perspective, am I going over the top for being so angry and should I say something when I have calmed down?

You've made me want lasagne and a happy meal now! fat pie

how bizarre. perhaps she thought she was helping.

My dd is skin and bones but has a very healthy appetite. When she stays for tea at her friends houses I'm always told that she's ate every bite a what a pleasure it is seeing a child eat. Once we leave dd asks if she can have dinner when she gets home as she's still hungry.

I would never dream of asking another parent to feed dd more food and just make sure to do her a sandwich or toast when she gets in. And turning up with food is just mental

I'm speechless that the Mother took it upon herself to buy MacDonalds and actually brought them to your house, how bizarre. I bet your face was a picture! She's a Loon but try to see the funny side. Lasagne and a Maccies, that poor child's stomach!

I would be furious. Then have to laugh it off and not take it personall. The woman has food issues. But sadly her child probably will do.

She obviously thinks your poor dcs are starving, given how slim they are and the fact they wolf down food. She's probably been on mn and been advised to help you and your dcs by bringing you food. It is a little bit funny (when it isnt you, and you are not hormonal and pregnant). I'd just let it go tbh.

why didnt you just say oh what a waste, they've just finished their tea and put them in the bin/to one side

if she persisted, you could have still binned your kids portions

dont see the big deal to be honest

Did the Mother know for definate you were cooking? If not Yabu. Just be cleaere nect time.
Maybe you.do serve tiny.portions. A spoon of lasagne, a garlic bread slice a cherry tom and lettuce leaf .2 potato wedges?

All this entertaining other peoples kids and try to do your best,.still not good enough :(

SoleSource You're not the mother who brought the burgers to the door, are you!?

Also to mention that DC2's friend is very overweight and would wear clothes about 3 sizes bigger to fit her.

She's probably going back to her parents after a meal at yours complaining that she wasn't fed properly and getting a second meal. And her DM rather than thinking ''maybe I overfeed my DC'' has arrived at the conclusion that you are under-feeding yours.

What this woman did was pretty funny btw. This poor misguided woman has taken it upon herself to fatten your children up.

I am not forceful tbh but it wouldn't have crossed my mind to let my dc have a happy meal straight after supper.
My instinctive reaction would have been 'what a shame, they've eaten. What are you going to do with them?"
If she as offered them anyway I would have said 'of course they can't eat them. They've eaten. You arn't suggesting they have two suppers are you because...no. And wtf?'

I genuinely don't understand how anyone goes along with this bizarre situation. Not being horrible - its just baffling.

Utterly mad. I would not be happy about it either. Giving all the sweets and choc to her DC to bring over and feed to yours is a bit sly and I wouldn't like but then turning up with the Maccys is just bonkers - sounds like she doesn't take no for an answer so you might have to be really forceful with her to the extent of being a little bit rude. She sounds thick skinned so she can probably take it!

What's the mentality behind a feeder then?

Op, I wouldn't be furious, just amazed and tickled. What a bizarre woman. I feel for her kids - fat already.

I would keep inviting the friend for tea but make it very clear to her mother that you are giving her food. No extras required. Be firm.

No real harm done. Let her judge your food quantities - who cares what she thinks? Your dcs are well nourished. Develop a thicker skin.

I agree, pag, I wouldn't have let dd eat the happy meal, and tbh, dd wouldn't have touched it in any case. I can only assume that the OP was feeling insecure about all the comments from the other mum about underfeeding her kids, and somehow didn't feel able to put her foot down. Or perhaps she just knew her kids wouldn't eat much of it anyway and couldn't be arsed to argue.

Lol nope wouldn't be so rude but at least she was fair and didn't leave anybody out.

It is funny, but in a very, very sad way. Overfeeding is IMO abuse, though I know that isn't a popular opinion. Poor child, if you're overweight in childhood/adolescence, the weight can be very hard to ever truly lose in adulthood for emotional reasons.

I suggest to maintain DC's relationship with her friend, this friend doesn't get invited to meals.

Just at other DC's mother, and feel sorry for her.

Oh yes! My DS is very slim and I am very fat. I was asked of I feed him enough by aneigjbour. He eats massive amounts, I do feel your pain.

Yes. I am sure you are right Jensei.

It's just she would have had to draw me diagrams or something.

I think you have to try and see the funny side - utterly bizarre situation though! I feel sorry for the daughter who is overweight she is gong to have a very skewed view of portion sizes.

I was just so shocked that words failed me and by the time she had come in and taken over. I did say they will be to full for that as you can see we've eaten, that's when she started going on about it being a Friday treat. I probably should have said something but didn't want a scene as xxxx was really upset when she came out as some of the boys had been nasty to her at the end of school. I don't think a scene at my house would have helped.

Just received a text from the mum saying that her child thinks that she's upset me and I should have spoken to her instead of letting the child see I was upset. She also said that low fat meals are not suitable for growing children!

I just text back that maybe we should agree to differ and if she drops xxxx off after their tea.

This child has been coming for 3 yrs and it has never been a problem. The bullying seems to be getting worse and the mother is having issues in her private life. I wonder if it is a control issue?

It could be food equals love to her,maybe a kind of bribe. Could it be that she is jealous of her daughter wanting to come to yours, eating as a family and enjoying different food to what she provides? Her turning up with mcd was to include herself.

What was xxxx's reaction when her Mum showed up with the food, did she seem reluctant or did she tuck into the maccies without a prompt off her Mum.

You missed two opportunities to clear this up - the first was when she said "you do realise xxx needs feeding up don't you?", when your reply should've been "Yes! She has a MASSIVE appetite, and all I seem to do is feed her".

The second opportunity was when she arrived on your doorstep. Why oh why did you not say in a jokey voice, "Oh my God! Do you think I'm starving the kids?"

Now it's turned into a real THING.

No she seemed full and kept pausing, the mother kept saying over and over "get that down you girls, you need your food". My DC kept looking at me, I think she could sense I was angry. DC2 later said "xxxx's mum really should have rung or texted you before bringing all that food."

I just said yes she should but maybe she was in a hurry and forgot. The mother is severely obese and has been going to slimming clubs for as long as I've known her. FWIW I am no skinny minnie myself being a size 16, love food and love to cook.

Sounds as if the Mother has 'food issues'. The meal you gave them was plenty adequate, anyone with a healthy attitude to food would know that. I wonder if she's so miserable about her own weight that it makes her feel a bit better about herself if her DC is overweight and to see other people gorging on food. Lessens the guilt when she has a complete feeding frenzy.