Not sharing child tax credits with my ex

[nat394]

Hello
I moved out 3 months ago with my children. Me and my partner had been together 6 yrs and imn all those years he had never worked it had always been me. He also did nothing much else and I couldn't be with him any longer we split. He is the father to my son 5yr but not my daughter 7yr.
My problem is that he seems to think we share redidence of my Son. My son stays with his dad three nights a week (when his dad chooses) we have no legal arrangements in place as of yet. Since my ex has started working for his dad so he could pay the rent (I paid everything when we were together).But it's only 20hrs a week and he can't afford to pay his rent apparantly without help.
He wants me to share the Child Tax credits and child benefit that I receive for our son. I have been paying him half of what I get for our son but it leaves me struggling a bit. I work hard fulltime but for low pay and i get a very tiny amount of help from housing benefits ( which i am really grateful for as it helps). I have just stopped paying him half of the tax credits and he says it's completely unfair because he thinks he needs it so my son had somwhere to stay when he stays at his dads.
I recently had to buy the kids uniforms and everything they need for the new school year and he did't want to put to for our sons stuff because he said he couldn't afford it ( this was when i was still sharing tax credits with him)
Apparantly I should be getting child support from him anyway?
Am i being fair, should I continue sharing the money with him??

I would not share ctc/cb, hes taking the mick imo. my ex has dcs 2nights a week then one for a fornight every month, I claim the ctcs/cb and he pays a small amount of cm. I buy everything for the dcs and pay for everything school trips/activities etc so I dont feel guilty about claiming. From the sounds of it, your exp costs are pretty minimal if anything so no I dont think you should be sharing the money.

YANBU.

Legally, as you receive the child benefit for the child, you are classed as the "resident parent" and you receive the tax credits. If the parents agreed to split the tax credits themselves and were both happy with that, that is fine but in your case, your ex is taking advantage.

If he wants to be classed as "sharing residency" and receive half of the tax credits, then he needs to start contributing towards "half of the costs" and all of the costs while the child is in his care. That includes contributing towards uniform. Feeding his child on his days. Providing packed lunches on his days.

Again, legally, as you receive the child benefit, you could ask for child support from the father. Even with a 50/50 split, the current rules mean the CB receiver can apply for child support. It's up to you to decide whether you would want to do it and whether it would be best for your son, especially if it means his Dad has less money when he is spending 3 nights a week with him.

And also, is he expecting you to split your CTC and Child benefit in half? Or just the bit that you get for your DS? Which will actually be quite a bit LESS than half of what you get, as you have an older child.

With your CTC, you will get a 'family element' that is paid because you have a child or children. That part is classed as not for either child individually, but for family expenses. Then you will get two child elements. One is for your DD, and should not be split, it is all for her. Only the remaining portion is meant to be split for your DS, morally. The family element is to cover the fact that you need larger housing with higher costs when you have the main residence for that child, and also to cover additional things like the extra electricity used etc. this was all explained to me in court because my ex was doing what yours is trying, but actually went as far as taking me to court over it.

Child Benefit - you actually get MORE than half of your Child Benefit for your DD, and LESS than half of it for your DS, because he isn't your eldest child, your DD is. So only the part that is paid in respect of your DS should be considered in a split of Child Benefit, otherwise you are giving money paid in respect of your DD to your useless lump of an ex. She shouldn't lose out.

And be VERY careful whenever you give an ex some of your CTC or Child Benefit to state quite clearly, every time, that you are NOT setting a precedent by doing so.

Why doesn't he get a job? I wouldn't give him half unless he was paying for a portion of the child's clothing etc.

Tell him to try Freegle for bedroom furniture. There are some very good things on there.

If he is not buying uniform and other things for his child then what does he want the money for?

You have claimed it, it is yours to spend on your children.

Yanbu

He is a lazy freeloading cunt.

He is taking the money to help feed and clothe his child to feed and clothe himself, exactly the opposite of what ANY decent parent would do. He is providing nothing for DS other than his time, he does not need to be paid for seeing his son! Don't feel guilty, you have no reason to. As for EXDH's mother helping with child care occasionally, that is HER prerogative, it DOES NOT have anything to do with EXDH and certifiably does not count as care he is providing. I assume she does this because she loves her DGS, not as some obscure way of demonstrating your ex cares for DS... He's a git, don't listen to him!

YANBU, your ex is taking the piss.

op did you know if you get a childminder/nursery tax credits will pay i think its up to 75% of the bill and housing benefit disallow 100% of the ammount from your income meaning that your hb award and wtc will increase to cover childcare.

this means you dont have to use his mum.

yanbu at all to not share your money. but if he is as much as a manipulative lying freeloader who is obsesed with the idea of getting his hands on benefit money like you say then you are setting yourself up for a huge huge risk.

he claims shared care,you use HIS mum and he dictates all contact arangements so chances are his mum would back him up he could claim you had 'contact' rather than the other way round,his sole time with ds is at bedtime thus reinforcing his idea that he has residency because "but your honor they mainly go to bed at my house mum only collects him from me or my mum when she wants to see him". HIS mother is the only person who can confirm that you make arangements ect she probally wont because shes his mum.

if he really is like youve said i predict that unless you make changes, within a year,you may very well be fighting with the courts and hmrc trying to prove you are the pwc and you may very well lose.

thankyou socknickingpixie his mum does help me with our sons childcare and my daughters aswell actually. it's only an hour here or there picking them up from school and so on. But I only ask her to do this when My mum dad or sister can't do it. The majority of the time its is my family that provide me with childcare. I cannot really find paid childcare as I work on a rota system and work a couples of evenings a week.

ohhh i see i thought you ment she was your regular childcare.

can i please surgest to you that you really concider making your contact arangement regular and formal (not formal like legal stuff or anything just so you all know whos where and when ect) that way you will avoid him manipulating anybody into thinking he is the parent with care ect.as from your posts he does sound the type.

Get some legal advise and arrangements formalised to put this lazy parasite in his place. Never mind what he thinks or says, he's a knob and his opinion doesn't matter.

Well I told him!
I decided i am stopping as of this week sharing any tax credits with him given alot of thought and advice ( thank you to everyone who replied with such useful advice). And I told him that I will not be sharing any tax credits or child benefit with him anymore seeing as I bare all the costs for our son.
His reaction? i am a money grabbing ***! I have no right to do this to him, now he can't pay his rent. He has blocked my phone number and will not reply to my texts, he insists we only speak through his mother which is completely unfair on her really because i've already rang her 5 times today just to pass one message on to him about our son.
Looks like i'm going to have to go to mediation with him and possibly get a court order to set arrangements in stone about contact with our son because he has had him for the past three days. And i can't get hold of him at all!

I think you should seek proper legal advice.

Sorry x-post.

Good luck with everything OP

Please don't let his temper and cries of "poor me" get to you. He's a grown man and he never has been and never should be your responsibility.

Look after yourself and your children and give them a better life with the extra money you now have. Don't wait for him to give your kids a better life, because as upsetting as it is to see, he's not going to.

Having a daddy who is responsible is better than money but your kids were getting neither.

His reaction? i am a money grabbing *! I have no right to do this to him, now he can't pay his rent.

lol, he's basically admitted he wants money from you to fund his lifestyle, and he accuses you of being money grabbing.

It's not your responsibility to provide your ex with a home so that he can have his son over night, it's your ex's responsibility to provide that home. If he can't afford the house he's currently in, then your ex needs to move.

Well done! That's brilliant OP

When is he supposed to bring your Ds back? He has had him 3 days you say. Do you think he's trying to keep him and not reply to your calls due to this?
I though he only took him after dinner and brought him back each morning.

Agree with the others. Time to go legal here OP. Also tell him to cock off regarding the money and go get another job.

op out of intrest, why exactly do you have get gm to pass messages on? i only ask as i cant think of any reason why you would have to communicate with a person who is unplesant to you even if he is your childs dad beyond a child being really ill. every thing else can be done in letter format.

if you do keep on with the message passing thing you are putting his mum in a unlikeable suituation and pandering to his pathetic little whims.