to think men & women can just be friends?

[Bedders]

If a married friend of the opposite sex invites you out for a drink, just the 2 of you, can this ever be OK?

Yes.

I have several male friends, who I go out alone with. I find it helps when your OH knows they are not your type and you wouldn't touch them with a barge pole. If one of them said, "just the two of us" though it would be weird and creepy.

Hmm. I think so. Not always, but sometimes.

Yes, of course.

Anyone you thinks otherwise needs to get over themselves

I am currently talking on fb chat to a married male friend. I ahve known him for years. We are just friends. We will be going out for a drink together soon. He would not want to cheat on his wife, and I wouldn;t let him if he did. In any case, we don;t fancy each other, we are friends.
Yes, YANBU, men and women can just be friends.

yabu have you not seen When Harry met Sally??!! The sex part always gets in the way!!!

This reminds me to contact my mate, I meant to FB him but kept forgetting.

I sort of think you know if someone is just your friend or if there is something else there. Are you also married, OP? What is your gut reaction to his invitation?

Yes it's fine.

Well unless he's taking you for a drink in room 56 of a travel lodge snd by drink you mean shag. That's probably not fine.

Yes, I have done that. It was a very nice evening. I am married, male friend is not. My DH has no problem with it. I don't fancy my friend, he doesn't fancy me.

I have male and female friends. DH has male and female friends.

I agree with honey

Room 56 is a shit hole

The bed's much bigger in room 43 and has a better view of the wheelie bins in the car park.

I have a couple of male friends who I meet on my own, without DP. He knows and is fine with it. I have no intention of ever having sex with either of them. DP is slightly miffed that one of them bought me a book of poetry for my birthday though! I think he might have a slightly soft spot for me, but not enough that should worry his wife or my DP.

Yes I do all the time!

I find this a depressing and slightly juvenile question (no disrespect, OP - it just seems to come up regularly!)

Of course men and women can be friends. There is more than one way of relating to someone of the opposite sex than ripping their clothes off! Two of my closest friends are married men - I am also married with a child - and they are both attractive, and I see them alone regularly, but there's zero sexual tension and absolutely no chance that will change.

I think, not that often. It's a shame.

yes, it can often be ok... and it can sometimes be not ok...

normal people can usually tell if they're being invited on an adulturous date or for a friendly pint.

Beamurthat reminds me of a friend of mine who sourced a cheap but much loved and out of manufacture perfume for me. My then boyfriend, who had spent a bloody fortune on jewelry was NOT amused at my squealing at the perfume at Christmas.

These threads always end up badly.
You get people like me saying of course, I have male friends some of whom are married and we go out together to see things our spouses don't like and all is well and we are friends.
Then a whole lot of other people start insisting that we are deluded and it is really a seething maelstrom of lust and repressed desire and it will end up in affairs and secret wanking and tears and IT IS WRONG and BAD.

I think if you knew someone before, they get on with your spouse, and there isn't a sudden change to them wanting to see you alone, then it's fine

I've been in a maelstrom of lust and repressed desire for at least twenty years with some of them. Must be time I ripped their clothes off. .

Does the secret wanking happen in room 56 or 43?

I am so not having an affair with any of my male friends. My DP is much yummier.

I think the idea that men and women can't be friends is tangled up with an old fashioned and misogynistic conception of sexuality - the one that thinks men are permanently up for it and will shag anything that moves, and that women are primarily asexual, but can be pestered into sleeping with men because that's what's socially expected of them. Thus the man is only using the friendship as a pretext for sex, and the woman will eventually succumb. Of course this is complete bollocks.

Meanwhile back in the real world, provided neither of you fancies the other one (which in my experience is by the far the most common scenario) it's no problem. If one of you fancies the other one and it's not mutual that's a recipe for the friendship turning into a total drag for the platonically minded friend. And if there's a mutual spark between you (and I think one always knows when that's the case), and one or both of you is in a relationship, the only sane, safe and moral thing to do is to back right off - you're a damn fool if you think any sort of friendship is going to be safe in those circumstances (fortunately, in my experience, they're pretty rare circumstances, and the trick is to run for the hills at a very early stage).