to hate evenings now I'm a lone parent?

[freemanbatch]

Every night is the same, put the kids to bed then sit around my house watching telly and surfing the net. Every now and then I do house work but there's not that much with just me and the kids and still there are silent hours stretching ahead!!

I bore even myself sometimes!!!

I think you'll find partnered up parents don't do much different.

You soon get into it! Use a babysitter/ fmaily for a regular night out once a week if you can manage it. Iwas a lone parent from when DD was about 16 months. It's hard when they are babies, but it gets easier and eventually they can go out themsleves/stay in alone.

I agree with Bearcrumble typing this from the bedroom while dh is downstairs watching telly .

There are lots of things you could be doing - OU courses, learning an instrument, fitness DVDs, inviting friends around, macrame (whatever that it...) - what do you think would make you less bored?

That's true Bear, and you've got to put up with someone rabbiting on when you want to MN DH!

There are benefits to living on your own, but I know what having to fill time with nothing feels like.

Is there anything you feel passionate about which could give you a bit of escapism?

I have recently found myslf in your situation, although I am lucky that I enjoy being on my own. One thing I do is always look at tv schedules and record anything I fancy; I aso rent from Love Film. That way in the evening I always have something to watch that I genuinely want to watch and don't end up watching for the sake of it. I've got The West Wing from Love Film at the moment which I've been on forever but it does make me look forward to evenings.

YANBU. The total social isolation is nothing like the comfortable chillaxing married couples do.

the evening is definitely the worst part of the day

it's not the lack of conversation so much, it's the fact that you can't leave the house
I can't just nip down to the corner shop, pop round to a friend's etc etc as no one for the DCs

babysitters are hard to get if you don't have any family locally

it's bloody hard and if I were a single parent before the internet I think I may have gone stir crazy

YANBU

Do all the things you can't do when you have a partner.
Wear pyjamas you have had for ten years, watch crap tele, pick your nose, fart loudly, eat chocolate for tea.
When you do meet someone lovely you'll miss those times.

YANBU- there is a monotony to it. It can be lonely and a real adjustment. There is much you could do - learn Japanese or the Highland Fling - not quite the same as someone saying "How was your day love?" though. I get it, it does have positives and you need to focus on them

I write stories sometimes to fill the time, kids stories to tell the kids. I think it's the fact that I could lose my voice at 730 and no one would notice until the morning that is really bugging me right now

I'm only a month into this new time of life so I know I'll probably learn ways of dealing with the time but with no family for 100 miles and friends lost through the situation I've been living in for the last year it is very solitary right now.

I am a fan of my own company most of the time but sometimes you just need someone to talk to I guess

Yanbu and being alone for all that time and having no one to chat to, give hugs, share your day with, is completely different to having a partner. My moods used to come crashing down at night after a long busy day at work and looking after ds, no one to share the pressures or the stresses of life, parenting, money etc with. I have always liked my own company but the novelty wears off extremely quickly when you have so much time alone. Humans are social animals, we're designed for interaction and company.

I think this is the sort of situation where we all think the grass is greener - I should think the vast majority of people sit around in the evening doing nothing more interesting that watching tv or surfing the net whether or not they've got a partner, at least you get to chose what to watch on tv . My DH and I rarely sit in the same room together in the evenings, actually he is in the pub now and I am mumsnetting upstairs as DS is dominating the living room with his choice of garbage on the tv.

Can you invite a friend round to share a bottle of wine?

I have done both and I found it fucking hard and very sad being a LP.

Ragwort but surely you speak at some point and sleep in the same bed? Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship but parenting alone is harder than parenting with someone you love and who is a good parent and partner.

Evenings are shit as a lp so yanbu. My evenings all blur into one, put dd to bed, clear up, sit on sofa on mn and watching telly!

Really miss not having someone to just chat to, even about pointless crap!!!

I do try and invite friends over as much as possible, can you organise a girls night for one night next week?

I remember that my mum hated evenings - and back then there was not much TV (three channels) and no interweb.
She 'coped' with jigsaws and card games (thirteens solitaire mainly)
and I know others did crosswords and read lots - and studied to become independent
but yes, the evenings alone (even for those of us who are happily married but DHs work away) are the shite bit

There is no doubt that my own company is better than the company of the man I was living with so its not all bad

maybe my feelings are all part of it being a month, I've got through the eye of the storm as it were but now this is life and it looks a bit quiet?

I am lucky to have a lovely lady who emails me every night to say good night and every morning to say good morning. We email lots during the day as well but it's nice to have someone to say good night to even if they aren't in the same room

I might look into studying something I've always fancied resiting my A-Level maths so maybe now is the time!

I didn't have children at the time, but it took me about three months to really start to be comfortable being on my own.

Then I had five years of trying to avoid people because I enjoyed it so much

YANBU it's not easy. I have stuff to do but find it hard to motivate myself and end up MNetting a fair bit. It can be hard to just switch off and relax. Having a bath and writing a journal help. Also, it does get much easier with time, you just kind of get used to the solitude

girliefriend - I currently have no friends and no job so I am having to look for ways to make friends so that I have someone to invite round.

A job would be good then I would at least see adults during the day so that's my main focus at the minute, hopefully other things will follow from there

YANBU

It is hard, but I find that the laptop fills in loads of time as I meander through different sites and follow links to see where I end up.

Yes, there are positives to being alone, but it can still be very hard to not have that other person actually giving a fuck about you.

I have been in relationships and been single and I hate being single. Have been for 10 years, 8 years since I had a relationship, so it's a sobering thought that these lonely nights are going to be it for me, for the foreseeable future.

It's dead easy to say "get a babysitter", but I have very limited options for that, and I can't even find a local teenager to do it.

So,OP, try and enjoy it and focus on the benefits and pluses,

I do have friends but as you get older it's harder to invite people round at night during the week as the partnered up ones stay in with their dps and my other single mum friend can't leave the house as she too has her dc in bed! I go through periods where I'm too lazy to make the effort to go out but I'm in a sociable period at the mo where I do arrange a babysitter and go out and date but it is expensive!

I agree it's hard.
I quite like spending time on my own, but have moments when I just feel so alone.

Yadnbu, I hate the evenings.

I also hate how hard it is to explain it to other people. The isolation is impossible to understand unless you've been there.

I have one single friend who goes to different exercise classes every night and counters any tiny moan with "aw but you've got DS".

The rest are all in couples. One thinks she understands because her DP does 2 night shifts a week!

I was talking to a friend who lives away last night. She asked what I'd been up to. My answer was "not a lot, no money and no babysitters doesn't exactly make for an exciting life!" She said, "same for us, lol".

It does get easier though, I've been on my own since December and i'm definitely getting used to it, sort of fallen into a sad-gal routine of snack - comfy clothes - lap top.

Oh and you get to watch whatever you want on telly, or even, more often than not, no telly at all. Now that bit I very much like!

I have no idea how I would survive without my computer and the internet, I don't know if 'community' was better before technology or not but I could not survive without my online connections!

It is nice to watch what I want and it is even nicer to see the clock tick towards bedtime and not be terrified of going to bed so I'm sure I'll get used to it I would never have guessed I would feel like this, I have always been one for my own company but I guess there's a difference between choosing your own company and having no other choice.