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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that a litre of Smirnoff is not ok to give to a 16 year old?

70 replies

annoakley · 07/09/2012 18:23

To cut a long story short, after my dd 'hosted' her 15th birthday in our house last year and the place got trashed, I said no to one this year. her dad however, has agreed to have it in his. His problem, none of my business, that's not the issue. So, the party is tomorrow night. I candidly approached the 'alcohol' conversation and asked what her plans were in regard to what she'd be drinking. We're quite relaxed about alcohol and if she's going to a party I'll normally buy her drink (usually Kopparberg). She said not to worry, dad had sorted it as he was letting her use his place. Upon further enquiry I've found out he's bought her a litre bottle of Smirnoff and passed it off as a '16th birthday gift'. I don't know, I just think it's a bit irresponsible. So, before (or if) I speak to him about this, AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

annoakley · 07/09/2012 19:58

softlysoftly it's not about 'being mates' with your kids, it's about hoping they'll be open with you and you can hopefully encourage them to make correct choices. I know lots of parents who have no clue their kids smoke/drink or even have sex. Yes, they are 'going to do it anyway', and being a teen is hard enough without thinking that wanting to experiment is bad or something that will always be met with disapproval. So, are kids meant to just miraculously be responsible at 18, overnight?

OP posts:

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/09/2012 20:03

My ds is 17, since he was 16 I've bought him a botttle of vodka a few times if he's going to a party.
He usually sleeps over and comes home tired but otherwise in a perfect state of health.
I know when I was 15 I was already going to pubs, I was sensible so I trust him to be too.
It's worked so far.

Boomerwang · 07/09/2012 20:04

Kids are inquisitive and will want to see what all the fuss is about so having it in a controlled and safe environment with parents is the best way to do it, but handing a bottle of spirits to a 16 year old and not supervising how much of it is drunk is a recipe for disaster. The best that could happen is puke and hangover, the worst doesn't bear thinking about. OP, people HAVE died, you know? Just how do you think you'd feel knowing you were the one who gave it to her or allowed it to be given to her in your case.

The kind of alcohol I'd find acceptable is alcopops, lager or cider, certainly no spirits or even wine. And it'd be two bottles or cans each, tops.

Original poster

annoakley · 07/09/2012 20:07

Boomerwang if you read the thread you'll see I'm not endorsing this AT ALL.

OP posts:

GoldandOrangeAnnunziata · 07/09/2012 20:10

Definitely not U!

Does he have any idea what he's in for?

Original poster

annoakley · 07/09/2012 20:12

goldandorange I suspect not. He's only recently moved back to this town and only really been seeing dd regularly for the past 2 years. I think he's trying to be 'cool dad' a bit.

OP posts:

GoldandOrangeAnnunziata · 07/09/2012 20:18

Oh dear. How likely is your DD to go a bit wild? Part of me says let him do it once and he won't do it again, but a litre is a hell of a lot, too much to play with.

Margerykemp · 07/09/2012 20:21

I got the impression it was intended to be shared out at the party. Just giving it to one person to consume themselves is irresponsible regardless of age.

Original poster

annoakley · 07/09/2012 20:21

I'm going to intervene. Was thinking of telling her to bring it here and leave half, make sure it's well mixed with lots of coke. Compromise or ban it all together? Hmm.

OP posts:

GoldandOrangeAnnunziata · 07/09/2012 20:23

Either way its bad, if anything happened to someone else under 18 with alcohol bought by an adult I think you're in trouble.

Original poster

annoakley · 07/09/2012 20:30

Hmm, yes it's a dilemma. But I have to say if my dd needed picked up from a party because she was so drunk she couldn't stand I'd be taking it out on her, not the hosts of the party. You need to start making them responsible for their actions at some point do you not? How many parents of 16 year olds really know what they are up to 24/7. We can't keep blaming other people, and surely ALL underage drinkers have been provided it by an adult somehow?

OP posts:

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/09/2012 20:31

Is it just me, or can anyone remember their relationship with alchohol at that age?
It was what we did as teens.
Ds went to a party when he was 15, made himself ill, and now knows how to pace himself.
As for me, I did the drinking then throwing up, I survived.
It's a rite of passage, and I'm sure the vodka will be shared anyway.

AViewfromtheFridge · 07/09/2012 20:32

That sounds like a good compromise. Could you also say you might "drop by" at some point, or would that not be appropriate? (Re: ex).

Softlysoftly · 07/09/2012 20:37

I agree with encouragement to good choices and about discussing the usual sex, drink, drugs etc but there needs to be boundaries in place and to me specifucally buying an underage person drink (particularly vodka i know thats not ok with you op!) is stretching one into being their mate. Boundaries are necessary and of course kids will break them but it's inbuilt to most teens to test boundaries so if you set them low what is the next taboo they can push?

kinkyfuckery · 07/09/2012 20:42

It's a rite of passage, and I'm sure the vodka will be shared anyway.

I'd say this was part of my problem with it. The OP's child may have two parents who are aware they are drinking alcohol unsupervised. I'm sure there will be many children at the party whose parents are not!

Original poster

annoakley · 07/09/2012 20:44

No, ex's place strictly off limits for me. I will call about 12ish to make sure all is ok but popping round not an option.

OP posts:

AViewfromtheFridge · 07/09/2012 21:08

You'll be able to tell how she is on the phone, I suppose.

See how chat goes with ex, anyway - he might be a bit naive and not really know what he's getting himself into. (Although he'll probably think you're interfering, rather than anything else - perhaps even think you're jealous that he's the "fun" one.)

I'd go with diluting half of it. She'll undoubtedly share it out anyway.

rezzle · 07/09/2012 21:08

I think it's unacceptable to be given solely to your DD as a present, but wouldn't object to it being shared out at the party. Maybe your DD could pre-mix some soft drinks with it to help spread it more evenly between the other kids.

As for worrying about other parents, I assume that most would expect there to be alcohol at a 16th birthday party and wouldn't let their DC go if they weren't happy with that.

Boomerwang · 08/09/2012 14:00

annoakley sorry, I think I managed to mix your AIBU with someone else's post and made a messy response because of it.

LadyBeagleEyes my relationship with alcohol at 16 was a few lagers at a nightclub (yes, I know, vastly underage for such places) I never touched the hard stuff, but that was because I don't like the taste so the comparison isn't so simple.

RoseGoldHippie · 27/07/2016 17:23

Cat

What exactly do you think is in an alchopop if you don't agree with kids having spirits!

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