to think that a litre of Smirnoff is not ok to give to a 16 year old?

[annoakley]

To cut a long story short, after my dd 'hosted' her 15th birthday in our house last year and the place got trashed, I said no to one this year. her dad however, has agreed to have it in his. His problem, none of my business, that's not the issue. So, the party is tomorrow night. I candidly approached the 'alcohol' conversation and asked what her plans were in regard to what she'd be drinking. We're quite relaxed about alcohol and if she's going to a party I'll normally buy her drink (usually Kopparberg). She said not to worry, dad had sorted it as he was letting her use his place. Upon further enquiry I've found out he's bought her a litre bottle of Smirnoff and passed it off as a '16th birthday gift'. I don't know, I just think it's a bit irresponsible. So, before (or if) I speak to him about this, AIBU?

Ok, I'm going to speak to him and say I'd rather she didn't have it at the party. I'm sure I'll be incurring the wrath of teen (and irresponsible child-parent) but I think there's a concensus here that it's not on.

YANBU, that's ridiculous. 16 year olds generally don't know how to pace themselves with alcohol. Maybe a small amount vodka as mixer at a push but definitely not a whole bottle.

no way

beer/cider/alcopops fine

spirits a big no no

also - i should imagine some of the other parents will be pissed right off when they find out

I think your making the right decision talking to him, good luck!

Under 18s drink alcohol, bears shit in woods, but a litre bottle of vodka? She and her friends will swig it down as if its cider.

I've mopped up after enough vomiting teens to know that this will not end well.

Buy her a few alcopops for the party instead. Let her have the litre of vodka at home with you and she can prove that she knows how to drink it sensibly.

On second thoughts, buy her enough sparkling wine for everyone to have one glass, and get some small plastic glasses for them to drink it from.

Lesson 1 in how responsible drinking is done.

She'll still need want the alcopops though.

I was buying my own bottles of Reshnov (mmmm classy) at 16 from the local Turkish off licence. Knowing what I got up to/the situations I got myself in, I won't be knowingly letting my DD drink.

The night of our year 12 prom, 'everyone' was going camping. I asked my dad to buy me and my friend a litre bottle of Smirnoff each - I meant Smirnoff ice because I didn't know Smirnoff on its own was just vodka! I gave him about £15 and he came back having spent loads on two litre bottles of Smirnoff vodka!

carma I agree, I'm not here to be judged on my 16 yo having alcohol, we're past that and if anyone is lucky enough to own/know a bunch of 16 yos who DON'T drink, then well good for you. I live in the real world though, where teens drink, often behind parents back so I consider myself lucky that my dd is open with me about where and when she drinks. I DO however draw the line at litres of spirits.

Yes, annoakley - real world, not perfect world.

We banned spirits until age 16 from all parties and I enforced it like the helicopter parent from hell.

Now we just accept and are vigilant. If DS doesn't manage to buy spirits from some shady corner shop, one of his mates will get hold of them.

Dad needs to be there ...

You are both indulgent parents imo

Indulgent? How so chandon? Do you have teenagers? I am FAR from indulgent.

The problem with vodka is if you mix it with coke or something sweet it's really easy to loose track of how much you have had you really can't taste it. Pub measures are pretty small, teens will pour far more.

I don't mind 16 yo drinking beer or cider, our Welsh pubs served us these, quite knowingly, from 14-15.

But spirits are another matter. I remember a certain gentleman who thought double gins might increase his chances. I didn't taste the difference, but I did notice the floor sloping.

A litre of vodka is not a perfectly reasonable birthday present for a 16 year old.

What planet are you on, WithoutCaution? (how appropriate!)

Absolutely bloody hilarious, chandon!

I wish you the very best of luck when your PFB oldest DC invites their mates around at circa. age 14 - 16, or gets invited to a party at a mate's house.

Dettol is your friend ...

It's soo difficult at this age...
Possible compromise - dad goes to a neighbour and pops in from time to time?
Not spirits though. That could EASILY result in a very serious situation.

I've just looked up Smirnoff Ice and it's got 1.1 units in it.

A litre of vodka has 40 units in it.

Tell your ex this and ask him whether he really wants her to have her stomach pumped.

The difference is that a teen drinking a 200ml plastic glass of Koppaberg at a party in half an hour will get a but tipsy, possibly snog someone she shouldn't/smoke a cigarette she shouldn't/say something she shouldn't - all no biggies really.

A teen drinking a 200ml plastic glass of vodka and coke mixed with a 10:1 ratio will get very drunk, very quickly. I remember swigging neat gin from a bottle at a similar age, and it ended very, very badly. Times that by a whole party's worth of teens doing the same ...

I've phoned him, he's not in so I've left a message. Dd should be in at 11ish so I'll talk to her then. Ugh, why are the teenage years so bloody hard?

A party for 16 year olds, with no adults present, with spirits? No way. At 16 my parents allowed me to have a couple of bottles of wine with my friends (4 of us) so no more than half a bottle each. At my 18th party they bought lager and cider and stayed upstairs out of the way, they had a no spirits rule to try to avoid anyone getting alcohol poisoning.

I've been meaning to start a thread about that today ... maybe I'll get around to it ...

Im really shocked anyone thinks that's ok!

When did parents become mates because otherwise they'd do it anyway innit?

I had punch, a beer maybe at that age at parties with parents there but buying spirits and letting them have however sensible, erm no.

It's interesting to read different opinions on this.

One of my colleagues, nice normal woman, put pictures on Facebook of her 13 year old DD opening her birthday presents. She had bought her DD 4 bottles of alcopops. I'm not against children having a sip of their parents drinks, but something about buying it for a 13 year old seemed wrong to me. Is that just me? Does everyone else think this is normal?

Another problem with vodka is the "half hour effect" - you don't feel drunk... you drink more. You feel great! You drink more. Half an hour later...BAM. Completely on your arse and there's no way back.

Somehow lager, cider, alcopops even seem ok, but wine and spirits a definite no-no at that age. I suppose it's the sheer amount of it you can physically consume.

(NB. Had a dsis vomit PROFUSELY at the same age after stupid amounts of wine, and dbro end up in hospital after drinking tequila, both at unsupervised parties. It's a shame you have to be the "bad guy", but I think you have to be.)

The real problem, and I not on a soapbox here, is that spirits are so much more affordable in real terms than they were 20 years ago.

We all found ways to buy booze, even when I was a teen (too long ago) but today the strength of it has changed.