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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think armpit hair is a moral issue?

415 replies

ICBINEG · 07/09/2012 13:57

How did it come to pass that the natural appearance of an adult woman has become socially unacceptable?

Adult women have hair on their arms, legs, fanjo and (if you can bear the disgustingness of it all) armpits.

In a not at all surprising turn of events the natural appearance of an adult male is still considered attractive including (god forbid) hairy legs, arms, balls and armpits.

Why have we adopted a prepubescent look as the optimum for women but mysteriously not done the same for men?

AIBU to next shave myself when shaving becomes compulsory for EVERYONE and not just those without a Y chromosome?

Observation of my SIL suggests it can take over a year to unlearn the societal conditioning and start seeing your own hairy armpits as attractive....a whole year to stop thinking the natural female form is repulsive....AIBU in thinking that society is totally fucked up?

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 07/09/2012 16:14

Mum's hairy legs & pits & pubes escaping from her swimsuit. Ha ha - my mum too in the 70s Grin Bless her.

So should i feel opressed then? I wax, shave, tan do the nails and the lashes, the extensions, the highlights the buffing, the foot filing and the creaming! I love it all and feel quite shitty when i let it go a bit.

CailinDana · 07/09/2012 16:19

The problem I have with it is that it seems to provoke such a strong reaction in people. Hairy Friend doesn't wear make up, style her hair, etc but the only thing that attracts comments is her hairiness. People poke fun at her big eyebrows, her hairy pits, her legs, they shout at her in the street, they talk about her behind her back, they tell her it's disgusting, the whole shebang. Nothing else about her attracts anything like the same criticism.

Personal choice is all well and good, but when it becomes the case that choosing not to do something attracts abuse you have to start wondering what the agenda behind it is.

SuperB0F · 07/09/2012 16:22

I like hairy men. The hairier the better. Then I can grow it all and still feel comparatively sleek apart from the chin hairs.

I don't shave anything except occasionally on the odd whim- it takes fucking forever, apart from anything else. Some women could use that freed-up time to take over the world. It will never be me while I have my kindle and a working wifi connection though Grin

greenhill · 07/09/2012 16:25

When I was a child in the 70's a lot of the middle aged / elderly women I knew had hairy faces, younger ones had hairy legs, most had hairy pits and you could spot pubes on the beach on everyone. All the older men were like yetis and the younger ones were in body conscious tiny speedos. Bad mannered children would point and stare and tell you it was "rude", because people often thought that bodies were rude. Porn at the time was everything in its natural state.

The bits that I do or don't do are a reaction to being told by my DGM that God thinks our bodies are perfect, yet she happily immaced off her own facial hair without any contradiction in her thinking. I practiced shaving my legs before I was 10 and work on the basis of "do I like to look at this on myself?". If I don't I get rid of it.

greenhill · 07/09/2012 16:30

superbof ditto the time wasting, kindle and wi fi connection.

Kayano · 07/09/2012 16:32

Thick eyebrows are in now though aren't they? Confused

CailinDana · 07/09/2012 16:33

Thick shaped eyebrows Kayano, not natural messy caterpillar eyebrows.

PostBellumBugsy · 07/09/2012 16:40

CailinDana - there is no agenda behind people hurling abuse. They are morons. They are probably the same morons who refer to disabled people as spastics & crips or anyone of an ethnic origin, other than a caucasian as a wog, paki or any other offensive term of abuse.

I work for a charity & quite a number of my fellow employees are "au naturel". I've not noticed any of them being abused, when I'm out and about with them. Again, they also strike me as the kind of people who wouldn't care. Alot of them work regularly with youngsters in the direst of situations and with young offenders - I imagine being called hairy is the least worrying of insults they might receive.

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/09/2012 16:52

I shave my legs and armpits in the shower, it takes all of two minutes.
I prefer it, for me smooth legs is more aestheically pleasing.
If I've been 'conditioned' so what, I still choose it because I prefer it.
I consider myself a feminist, and think there are far more important issues than shaving/not shaving.
I never touched my pubes, nature and old age has done that for me now anyway.
Oh, and I hate beards on men, it's just personal taste.

itsjustmeanon · 07/09/2012 17:32

I agree with what you are saying, but I'll carry on shaving my armpits regardless. Too many people would think or possibly even say eww, if I have hairy armpits, and I'm conditioned into caring what they think.

thepeoplesprincess · 07/09/2012 18:36

I shave my pits, legs and fandango on a regular basis despite noone having seen them for over a year. I prefer feeling smooth and clean to itchy and hairy is all.

LST · 07/09/2012 18:43

YABU.
I hate having body hair.

hopkinsthewitchfindergeneral · 07/09/2012 20:02

AIBU to suggest this needs redirecting into the feminist thread?

  1. most women do these things because of their choice
  1. many men these days go all metro and their bodies are smoother than a woman's again their choice

we're not in red china -at least I hope most of us are not - therefore hairy arm pits or lack thereof........ choice.

solidgoldbrass · 07/09/2012 20:13

I'm a hairy bird. Mostly. I do shave my legs sometimes, but not very often as I rarely wear skirts. and I do my armpits maybe once a year (because there does come a point, for me anyway, where the armpit hair is long enough to be a bit uncomfortable if it's hot weather and/or I am doing something that makes me sweat a lot. Similarly with pubes, if I never touched them they would grow down to my knees; as it is I trim the long strands now and again.

I do trim my prawnwhiskers too because when they get too long I fidget with them and lick them and that does make me look a bit... strange.

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/09/2012 20:20

I agree hopkins, this should be in the feminist topic.
Body hair seems to be a popular discussion over there.

NurseBernard · 07/09/2012 20:23

These threads are so frustrating to read in terms of the blinkers on some people...!

I shave my legs, under my arms, I tend my brows and faff about downstairs, as well. I 'choose' to do it, in that no-one is frog-marching me into the bathroom with a razor... I 'prefer' to be hair-free; funnily enough, just like the vast bulk of society 'prefers' it... Hmm

But I'm definitey not misguided, or even arrogant, enough to think I'm in no way affected by society, fashion, conditioning, the sort of judgement I'd get if I didn't remove my hair, etc, etc...

Why are people in so much denial about the impact the world we live in has on us?

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 07/09/2012 20:28

I don't think it's out of place in AIBU. If it was in S&B, yes, it would probably be appropriate to move it, but my impression of AIBU is it's a bit of a free-for-all with all viewpoints welcome. Unless we're going to move any thread with an element of politics to the politics section, anything involving dogs to the doghouse ...

Oakmaiden · 07/09/2012 20:39

Talking about the smelling if you don't shave...

I often don't shave (because I am a lazy cow), and in my personal experience I feel I smell/sweat more when I am clean shaven. I don't know why this should be, but a couple of hours after a shower I find bare armpits begin to feel moist in a way hairy ones don't.

I really don't think shaving legs ahs ANYTHING even remotely to do with hygiene though. And shaving ones pubic area (as well as I would have thought REALLY itchy???) seems to me a really odd thing to do - like wanting to look like a pre pubescent girl...

But maybe I am odd.

PostBellumBugsy · 07/09/2012 20:42

Definitely stay in AIBU. I'm always a bit nervous of the feminist threads, as I'm not too sure of my ideology there - but I think everyone can have an opinion on body hair.

Mintyy · 07/09/2012 20:42

This is what also confuses me, NurseBernard.

What is that makes it so difficult for people to say yes, I have bald fanjo and it is at least in part because of the much greater prevalence of porn in society generally?

Is it because they don't like to be seen to be conforming?

I really can't fathom it.

saltnpepashere · 07/09/2012 20:43

I totally agree that the only reason that women shave is because of social conditioning - the only reason women 'prefer' to be shaved is because that what society dictates. If the concept of shaving your body hair had never come about, then people would not do it just because it feels 'cleaner' or whatever, so lets not pretend that it really is your own personal choice.

Having said all of that, I am struggling to give a shit about it to be honest. It is just body hair and I think that there are far far more important women's issues to be getting political about. Its this whole 'you are sooooo letting down the sisterhood if you take a razor to that fanjo' mentality. Seriously, who cares?

Mintyy · 07/09/2012 20:44

I always feel much more sweaty on my actual skin when I have shaved armpits.

discrete · 07/09/2012 20:49

Well, most men shave their faces in our society, we think that is 'normal' and many women dislike beards.

It's not that big a deal. Some of us like it better when we are hairless. It is easier for women to achieve this than for men, as we usually start out with less body hair. If dh was to wax his body hair off, it would take about 3 hours and last 2 weeks. For me it takes half an hour and lasts about 5-6 weeks.

So dh puts up with his itchiness and I don't have to. He does shave his face (and his head as well, actually) and if he hasn't had time to do it for a few days complains that it is itchy and uncomfortable. As do I if I don't have time to wax when I need it.

NurseBernard · 07/09/2012 20:50

I dunno Mintyy - I think a lot of people just don't (or won't) see the bigger picture.

Plus, I think if you admit that you are effected by society and conditioning, then you're forced to questions things a bit, and a lot of people don't like to question things. It's easier just to maintain the status quo.

I'd believe all the people wittering on about it being their choice, and what they prefer a bit more, if just as many people were also choosing not to remove their hair - and no-one was judging them for it...

LST · 07/09/2012 21:04

Your wrong salt I like it as it feels better. Tights, leggings and jeans itch my legs when I haven't shaved. And I feel a lot cleaner with no hair.

And DP shaves daily as he prefers it. Nothing to do with society.