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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take half the money?

40 replies

halfasixpence3 · 07/09/2012 09:23

DP and I bought an unusual item (can't say what for fear of outing myself!) about 10 years ago with some money my aunt gave to me. it was for a business idea that never really got off the ground and the said item has been cluttering up the house ever since. DP recently organised the sale of the item, which is ace as I doubt I'd ever have got round to it and we now have a less cluttered house and £600 cash! Result.

However, less happily we immediately managed to have an unseemly row, triggered when I said hurrah! and put the money in 2 equal piles, one for him and one for me. DP said that he'd done all the work selling it so he should take charge of the lot. I said true true but it was OUR item bought with MY aunty's gift and I want half. He was very disgruntled and I now feel guilty.

To put things in context we don't have a joint account, both work and earn roughly the same and arrange it so the slightly lower earner pays less of the bills so we have the same amount of money. we've been struggling recently with finances due to young child in nursery and we want to use the money for treats for the whole family and a short lovely period of not having to watch every penny.

aibu to want half the Wonga in my purse rather than have to ask him every time?

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 07/09/2012 09:26

YANBU - but then will he spend his share on the family, or will you spend your £300 on your DCs and he spends £300 on himself?

If money is tight, could you say instead, you'll both take £50 each for a treat, and then put aside the £500 for Christmas? Plus if it was your aunt's money that bought the thing, then really you have more of a moral 'right' to the money, he can take a % for selling it if he wants...

Imnotaslimjim · 07/09/2012 09:27

Yanbu at all. Tell him if he wants to be and arse about it, you'll tot up how long it took him to sort out selling it and pay him an hourly wage, plus 5% for commision. It was bought with your money (and I do understand that, me and DH have separate finances) just because he sold it doesn't make it his!

I think splitting 50/50 is more than reasonable!

solidgoldbrass · 07/09/2012 09:29

Yes, you paid for the item with your inheritance, he doesn't get to have all the money from the sale as it was your item, not his. You're being generous and fair in giving him half.

NervousAt20 · 07/09/2012 09:29

YANBU at all, if it was your aunts money that brought it in the first place then if anything I would say you have more of a right to all the money

Iheartpasties · 07/09/2012 09:31

oh dear, try not to fall out about this, if you are both going to spend the money on famil things cant you just agree to both spend it together?

Kayano · 07/09/2012 09:34

I can't be dealing with this 'my money your money' malarchy

It's so depressing

kay1975 · 07/09/2012 09:36

YANBU, but I don't understand why you want 50/50? Why don't you spend it together on family things that benefit everyone? A little holiday or essentials for the house or treats for you, DH and DC?

Chopstheduck · 07/09/2012 09:38

I agree with the idea that you sit down together and decide what to spend the money on. Take maybe some each for personal spends, and decide jointly on the rest.

Imnotaslimjim · 07/09/2012 09:38

Kay I think the point is that while they've agreed to spend it on family treats, if OPDH pockets all the cash, if OP wants to spend any then she has to ask (and most likely justify) what and why and how much. And thats humiliating, especially as legally its her money

At least if they both have half, she can buy a few bits without being questioned

MsVestibule · 07/09/2012 09:40

If he wants to be arsey about it, work out how many hours it took him to sell it (can't imagine it would be that many), pay him £10 per hour (£50?), then split the remainder between the two of you.

TBH, he is being an idiot. Really, it was a household chore he did, albeit a one-off, rather than an ongoing one like cleaning. Do you divide the routine chores out exactly 50/50? And if one does more than the other, do they bill the other?

Don't let him try to make you feel guilty about this.

Kayano · 07/09/2012 09:41

My point it i wouldn't be with such a
Pathetic bloke actually Wink

shesariver · 07/09/2012 09:43

I also dont get this "my money, your money" that some people operate on, especially in relationships where there are chidlren. Surely its just family money, so yes OP YANBU if your DP wants to keep it all to manage himself.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 07/09/2012 09:45

If you want to spend it on treats for the family, then why can't you decide together what it shudo be spent on.

If you don't have much money to spare, then it shouldn't really be going into anyone's purse, it will get frittered away if you do that. Open an account with it and then spend it on something you can all enjoy equally.

Trills · 07/09/2012 09:47

Put the money in a pot to be used only on things that benefit the whole family. That way you don't need to argue about who it belongs to.

MsVestibule · 07/09/2012 09:50

OK, just reread the OP. He doesn't want the money for himself, just wants to take charge of it. For what reason? I hate to ask, but does he think you'll spend it on yourself rather than family things? Under the circumstances, I think you're better off putting the money in a box/bank account and only taking any out when you both agree.

Original poster
halfasixpence3 · 07/09/2012 09:55

thanks for replies. at work and will come back to see what you all think later.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 07/09/2012 10:03

It's your money but you've agreed to spend it on the family. That's really nice. You could have said 'my chance for that new iPad and here's a bottle of wine for doing the selling'.

Why does he not trust you / need control and why does he imagine you'd go along with that? Do you generally give in and let him take charge of things? If not it's easy to say 'don't be silly, we'll put it in this pot for treats and let's write a list of anything special we'd like to buy'.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/09/2012 10:09

Btw I get the point that you'd never have got round to selling - so he's done you both a favour. But, if DP or I got the idea that we could sell each others' stuff and keep the money, unimaginable chaos would ensue!

MonkeyRisotto · 07/09/2012 10:11

Oh for crying out loud, his view is ridiculous. I sold my DP's old iphone which had been sat around for months as she hadn't got around to doing anything with it. I had to get the back replaced as it had cracked, then got the best price I could and gave her the cash minus what it cost me to get it repaired.

It was her phone bought with her money, I just did the organising as I'm better at that, and she would have left it in a drawer until it was worth pennies. That doesn't mean I pocket the cash!

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/09/2012 10:11

Open a joint account with the money.

DameEnidSpink · 07/09/2012 10:13

what kayano said

RuleBritannia · 07/09/2012 10:17

My DH died and neighbours arranged for the sale of his car to save my having the hassle during a difficult time got several thousand. Should I let them have half for selling it?

I just try to be good to them.

EllenParsons · 07/09/2012 17:54

YANBU

If you keep your money separate then I think 50/50 on this is actually generous of you! It was your thing bought with your money, so no way should your DP feel hard done by here! Shock I think you should be entitled to most of the £600.

Bluebell99 · 07/09/2012 18:01

It was your thing bought with money from your aunt. The money is yours. Here we have a joint account and all money is shared but it sounds like he is being funny about it.

Hopeforever · 07/09/2012 18:03

Pay him the gong hourly rate for selling it on eBay and keep the rest if he is going to be that petty

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