AIBU to take half the money?

[halfasixpence3]

DP and I bought an unusual item (can't say what for fear of outing myself!) about 10 years ago with some money my aunt gave to me. it was for a business idea that never really got off the ground and the said item has been cluttering up the house ever since. DP recently organised the sale of the item, which is ace as I doubt I'd ever have got round to it and we now have a less cluttered house and £600 cash! Result.

However, less happily we immediately managed to have an unseemly row, triggered when I said hurrah! and put the money in 2 equal piles, one for him and one for me. DP said that he'd done all the work selling it so he should take charge of the lot. I said true true but it was OUR item bought with MY aunty's gift and I want half. He was very disgruntled and I now feel guilty.

To put things in context we don't have a joint account, both work and earn roughly the same and arrange it so the slightly lower earner pays less of the bills so we have the same amount of money. we've been struggling recently with finances due to young child in nursery and we want to use the money for treats for the whole family and a short lovely period of not having to watch every penny.

aibu to want half the Wonga in my purse rather than have to ask him every time?

What Kayano said. But since you operate like that, then half and half.

I have no idea you "yours" and "mine" can work in a couple, especially when you have DC.

It's both of your money, to be spent as you both agree. Can't see another way to do it.

Who pays if Dc have a school trip or need unexpected clothes or a present for a friend's party...?

YANBU at all. I think he had plans for that money which is why he's so annoyed!!!

Why the hell does he think it should all be his. Christ.

Tbh, I'd chuck him a one-er for his 'commission' and that would be the end of it.

YABVU to take half.

It was your money that bought the item originally, from your aunt - you should take all of it. Give him a tenner as thanks for selling it if you're feeling particularly generous.

(We have one joint account for everything - his, mine, the DCs - it's all "ours".)

(oh & agree with Chitchat - he had his own plans for the money!)

It would really affect how I viewed him, as a partner, if he felt entitled to control/keep this money. As others have said, this item was bought with your inheritance money - organising a sale does not make the item his.

I think you are very sensible to have separate finances, if this is indicative of his attitude.

I think you are being more than generous to consider sharing it 50/50 and if this way my dp, I would be reconsidering that position and possibly the relationship in general.

So he thinks your money is his?

This makes me think further into your relationship. Are both your names on the deeds of your house or just his if you own it? Is just his name on the lease if you rent it?

I'm another one who is a little anxious about the state of this relationship, because it is so illogicalfor him to insist that the money is under his control when you have seperate finances and the item sold belonged to you and not to him.

half is yours and actually i wonder if more then half is yours since it was your aunts money that bought the item originally

I think you should have 80% and he can have 20 commission

Thanks for all the wisdom. We seem to have sorted it now. He apologised and we have taken the kids out for Thai food tonight using some of the dosh and we're saving a most of the rest of it for the moment. I think our relationship is generally fairly ok but not at its best at the moment - we're a bit short of time, energy and dosh, like many parents of under 5s. He has depression and is bit of a grump at the best of times whereas I am naturally irritatingly chirpy most of the time. I find it hard to understand why he finds everyday life such a chore sometimes and never know how much leeway to give him because of the depression. I am sympathetic but I hate it when depression is used as an excuse to be a twat (and he has his share of twattish moments as we all do) so have found it hard to know when to challenge him. Lack of money is a real trigger for him descending into gloom tinged with anger and I think he was just looking forward to having some money to splash about and hadn't considered that I would want to do the same. It's not that he's a generally selfish man though. He wants to spend the money on all of us just like I do so in a way it's a silly argument but I did feel it was quite controlling/presumptive of him to take charge of the lot.

I know what some of you mean re the possible pettiness of having separate finances but though we don't have a joint account I wouldn't really say we do "my money your money" exactly. Pretty much every penny coming in is spoken for in the family budget. We split all incoming funds equally and aim for fairness. House is in both our names.

Anyway, thanks so much everyone. It really helped to read your views.

Hmm. I reckon you might want to consider this business carefully, in time. Particularly after your last post. I am getting a picture of a relationship that is 'fairly OK' as long as you put your H first ALL THE TIME. Has his 'depression' actually been diagnosed and is he recieving treatment for it? Or could it be the sort of depression that actually means 'I have to have my own way all the time or I will shit myself'.?

So who actually has control of the money at present? Is it in a drawer in the house, or in his bank account? Or is it in yours? If he still has the money and 50% isn't in your physical possession, then he has got what he wanted and not what is fair!

Being depressed doesn't mean that he should get his own way all the time. In fact, you should stand your ground, possibly more than you would normally, because people in the depths of depression are not always capable of seeing clearly or making completely rational decisions - they are viewing life through the filter of their depression.

He may well be a decent bloke overall, but I would still be wary - you don't sound very happy, generally in this relationship.

I can't believe he thought he was entitled to anything, never mind all of it. Did he set up a stall and stay out all night, trying to flog it? Or did he spend five minutes putting it on Ebay?

I don't like him, OP!