Okay this might be long, I will try and keep it as short as I can.
My ex and I have one dd together, she is 9 years old. We split up when she was 6 months old. My choice although he was a horrible partner to be with and spent everyday down the pub from the time he finished work at 3pm till 11pm when he walked in and expected dinner ready - that sort of thing. Yes I was an idiot to put up with it for so long but prior to having dd we were both young and it was all fine doing that sort of thing.. When I had dd I changed and expected him to too and he didn't. So I left him. He has never forgiven me for this.
When we split up I didn't want to be in the area we lived in anymore. It wasn't a safe area to bring up dd so I moved 136 miles away to a nicer area, which I specifically chose because it was near to his parents. He barely kept contact with dd except for a few hours on a Friday but his parents adored her so I assumed if he wanted to have proper contact with her (ie overnight) it would probably happen at his parents so I moved nearer to them to facilitate this - he always says "You moved away!" - he doesn't see the only reason I moved to THIS area (when I could have moved anywhere!) was for him!! Ex dp did and still does live in a hovel of a bedsit in a shared house with 6 other people. He is 36 years old and owns his own company! I will get to this.
Since I moved he decided to take an interest so he's had one weekend a month at his mum and dads with dd and one weekend a month in London.
Until now we have split the travelling like this - on the weekends his mum and dad have them I drive dd there and I drive over there to pick her up and bring her back. His side of this bargain (!!) is that his dad picks him up from the train station nearest them - which is in my mind ridiculously unfair as we have a train station near us (walking distance) that ex could get to and then his dad could pick him and dd up from there... But no, I've been doing all the driving dd about - it's an hour each way.
On the London weekends - he comes up on Friday, picks up dd from the train station (that I drive her to to meet him) and takes her back on the train. On the Sunday I drive 3 hours down there to pick her up and 3 hours back with dd in the car to get home. (As the crow flies it is not 3 hours but with traffic etc it does take that long).
12 weeks ago I had a baby. I had a c section (which was elective so basically as far as he is concerned it was "my fault" I can't drive... but actually it turns out I nearly died from placenta previa that was undiagnosed so I would have had to have a c section anyway). I told him I couldn't help with travel for 6 weeks. He's was very angry but says fair enough.
During that time he's buggered off to America (for 6 weeks, the whole school holidays, for the 15th time this year, he goes every 2-3 weeks for a week or so at least) to see his long distance girlfriend. So he didn't see dd for the entire summer. He promised her he'd take her to America and he didn't. She was very upset. I let dd stay with his mum and dad for a few days during the summer as they wanted to see her and she wanted to see them.
Now he's back and asking to start all this travelling up again and for me to do all the driving again. I don't want to. I can't realistically (or safely) drive long distances when I am sleep deprived and ds should not have to sit for hours in a car seat when in my mind ex should be doing the travelling, especially as I have been doing so much for so long.
He says I am being unreasonable and the "world revolves" around me apparently (this coming from a man who at the age of 36 lives the life swanning off round the world several times a year but cannot afford to give dd a room of her own / proper place to sleep (not even a blow up bed ffs) - he owns his own company and is quite well off but still lives in a grotty bedsit that dd hates!) ... I have told him I am not prepared to do any more driving unless either my husband or my mum is around to babysit ds which they are currently not as they both work Sundays (the day I'd drive if it was a London weekend).
He has now recently passed his driving test but he is saying he can't afford a hire car or to buy a second hand car - but he can afford numerous trips abroad!!! (I told him this as well). He's even moaning about the cost of petrol to pay his mum and dad to drive him (they are in their 70's). I looked online and the cheapest flights to the area of America he goes to are £500 a time! (Two of those would be the cost of my new secondhand car I brought!)
Am I really being unreasonable to expect him to make his own travel arrangements to see dd? I really feel so angry and I don't know what others would do... I'm not an ogre and I am willing to hear people's viewpoints but I just don't think it's reasonable for him to expect me to plonk 12 week old ds in the car for hours and hours when he is capable and has the finances to drive himself!!!
(Incidentally when I drive he does not reimburse me for petrol etc so I usually spend £60ish of the £200 he gives me a month on petrol. We do not have a csa agreement, it is private and I know he gets paid a lot of cash in hand (!!!) so i worry if he refused to pay and I took him to csa I'd end up worse off!) What a shit situation!!
Help and support please. Please don't flame me, I already feel very upset and stressed :(