to ask send my DS to the scabby nursery?

[Ecgwynn]

DS will be 11 months when I send him to nursery for 1/2 days a week. This week I've been viewing some. The first three I've seen have similar facilities for babies. They have rugs, books, toys, sensory rooms and mirrors and nice staff. they all had astroturf or that rubbery outdoor floor covering and big play equipment. The first three also had varying facilities for the older, pre school children but I've decided I should send him somewhere which is best for babies rather than concentrating on the pre school facilities just yet. They cost between 70 and 80 pounds per day.

The fourth one seemed much less well kept. The paintwork was scruffy, the carpet tiles looked cheap but there was real grass outside (one child seemed obsessed with bringing in inside!) and access to a big playing field beyond. They also have rugs and toys and books (but no sensory room!) The staff seemed less 'professional' in terms of relating to me as a customer but much better with the kids. The whole place was basically less middle class. This one costs about 50 pounds per day.

I want my son to grow up knowing that looking immaculate is not as important as how you treat people. I want to send him to the cheaper but friendlier place but then something inside me is saying 'No, he's your PFB, it's 30 quid cheaper there must be something wrong with it!'

There is also the question of if I sent him to the cheaper nursery, how I could improve his quality of life with potentially an extra 60 pounds per week.

Nobody told me parenting would be this complicated! AIBU?

Haven't got to this stage yet but personally I would prefer a 'friendly' place with less shiny facilities. I would venture that it's the staff who will have the biggest impact on your child's nursery experience so I'd go with that every time.

You could put the £60 in a savings account for him. Or put some of it in that and save some to do other activities on the days you have him.

Appearances can be deceiving. I would (and have) based my choice of nursery on feedback from people who use it and just what my instinct said felt like the happiest place. YADNBU.

If that was your gut feeling then go for it. If it turns out to be a bad decision you can always change further down the line. But I like your thinking that grass is better than astroturf and if the staff are warm and comforting then he should be really happy. Good luck.

My DS's nursery is a bit scruffy and basic but the staff are wonderful and he loves it loads. Go with your instincts. I prefer it massively to the last one which was more polished.

I would drop in at a random time to get a real idea of what it is like. Go when they arr not expecting you around dinner time maybe. I go into different daycare places with my work and there is a huge difference between what the parents see and what happens in the middle of the day.

DS used to go to creche sessions in a nice looking nursery, lovely and bright colours, artwork on the walls but I wasn't 100% sure on the staff really. A couple were ok but I didn't really like the others or the manager.

When we moved and DS got his funding, we looked at a nursery near our house which was quite shabby looking. I was quite shocked really and not sure but I did like the staff.

I sent DS there and he loved it. He told me later that he didn't like the old nursery. The staff were fantastic at the new one and it does go to show that you can't tell by the way it looks.

Children really don't need loads of expensive, fancy looking things. A space to run around in, toys and decent staff is what they need. Sounds like the other nurseries justify charging a lot more but having the facilities that they do. Send your DS to the cheaper one. Unless they have SN, they don't need sensory rooms anyway.

Why astro turf? Is there something wrong with real grass now!

The rapport the staff have with the kids is more important than decor and facilities. As kenleeee said, word of mouth is a good way to choose a nursery. I've moved around a lot so my DD was in three and my ds has been in two. I've always found the local grapevine to be quite accurate.

When my DS was 1-2 he went to a nursery that was very shiny and new. They only served organic freshly prepared food and smoothies. There marketing material was impressive. There was a long waiting list for places.

By time DS was 2, he would start crying at breakfast time and saying he didn't want to go. I would literally drag him up the path screaming in the mornings. The staff didn't seem at all bothered and kept saying he settled as soon as I was gone. There was something 'cold' about the nursery manager that I couldn't put my finger on and I started to worry that it wasn't just normal separation anxiety and that DS was actually unhappy while he was there.

In the end, after looking around other places, I choose a new nursery. It was the cheapest in the area (at least half the price of the first one), backed onto a council estate and was a tatty looking building. It was the sort of place where there are a few pit bulls chained up outside at drop off time and some heavily pregnant teenage mothers standing outside smoking at pick up time (no judgements here - just an accurate description!).

My DS loved it. He settled after a week and the morning crying stopped. He spent much more time outside playing in the grassy (and used to come home filthy!) and was just so happy and looked after by all the staff there. It had such a warm atmosphere and I felt that the staff really got to know all the children as individuals. I was actually so sad when he left to start school. He had to take his own lunch to that nursery and we didn't get a pretty little sheet with photos on at the end is the day. But I didn't that because I could see for myself that we was happy and he told me about all the things he was learning.

Based on my experience, you are not being unreasonable.

Pop round around 5.30 one night and talk to some of the parents picking their kids up. (Some of them may think you're mad, but hey...)

If the weather is nice, take the baby and a picnic and do some hanging around, either strolling slowly past the nursery, or hanging out at the local park around 1030 / 230 ish which is when the tinies are likely to be taken for a walk. That's how I chose DS nursery (admittedly it was on my door step so I did have a lot of time to build a picture). The staff at his were always smiling at the kids and always talking to the kids rather than each other. Sounds a bit woo when you write it down, but when you see it you'll know - staff who are warm and want to interact with the DCs is what I saw, so that's where DS went.

And sensory rooms are really not necessary. Life is a sensory room for a DC.

When I put DS im pre-school I was a bit 'OH' at the scuffiness of one place, but the staff were friendly and welcoming.They also had a large outdoor play area with equipment and a little area to garden in. The staff at the other place were frosty wouldn't let you look round without making an appointment in advance and was in a social club that wasn't permanent

He went to the first place and was very happy

DS goes to a playschool that is in a building that is slightly tatty and run down (its a council building that the playschool hire), and probably doesn't look like much from the outside. But the staff are amazing, their relationships with each of the children is superb, I have never seen a child crying there for more than thirty seconds. The staff are very good at their jobs, and you feel welcomed as a person as much as a parent.

Appearances are so unimportant. The quality of the care means much more.

i would be prefer a more relaxed happy enviroment over just a shiney new one any day.

plenty of very expensive nurserys over the years have upset my kids to the point of what lots of people would say pull them out now. one very hiteck shinney new very equipment and style concious one once treated my child in such an appaling way i actually punched the staff member in the face (disclaimer no children saw this) the owner actually begged her not to call the police as i would have told them why(now its closed down i involved the police/ofstead/social services and i was not convicted of assult).

if its a happy caring enviroment and the children love it then who cares how expensive it is

I looked at a couple of nurseries when deciding for my DS who was 2 and a half. On paper, both nurseries were the same, good ofsted, good facilities etc . In the first one the member of staff was so intent on 'selling' the nursery to me that she practically ignored Ds. At the end of the day, he was the one going to nursery. At the second nursery, a member of staff immediately told Ds they were doing some painting and asked if he wanted to join them. I didn't see him again for half an hour and he didn't want to leave. Needless to say, I chose the second nursery. IMO, you should go with your gut instinct.

I would make the decision based on the staff, not on the equipment.

My daughter left nursery two years ago. It was reasonably priced for our area (£28 for a full day £18 a half day, move to the Valleys my darling!).

I can tell you very little about the 'facilities', I don't really remember them beyond the basics. I can tell you all the staff's names still. I can tell you that they ADORED my child, they made her feel safe and cared for, they made sure she had fun every day, they made her love daycare. They all came to my wedding!

It isn't 'stuff' that makes nursery a good experience for a child. Smiley happy people win every time, cost regardless. Go for the cheap one. I think he'll be happy there.

I have just moved (just) 3yo to a preschool which sounds similar to the 4th nursery you described. He was at a shiny nursery before. It has only been this week but already I am seeing a huge difference in terms of how relaxed he is. Go with your gut on this.

Oh agree with other posters. All the ladies who work at preschool have been there 20 years and just seem to adore the dc. DS raced in today for a huh with his key worker, he never did that at the nursery and he was there for a year :(

Hug not huh

I picked the nicer looking preschool.. It was better kept, we was not rushed though our visit and sold on all the ways we could help the preschool.. The better looking one has trained staff for children who need extra help, they teach the children signs etc The sruffy one was just one room that banged on about their funding and how they really need extra contributions.. Im sorry but there funding issue is not my problem and I will not send my child somewhere who cant even say if they will be open one month from another and dont look after the place!

What's the OFSTED report say?

I haven't looked at the ofsted, I know the most expensive one got outstanding. I'm not convinced they tell you much about a school/nursery, apart from the safeguarding aspects of it.

My DD went to a shiny fancy new nursery full of MC children sitting for prep schools. The nursery prided itself on it's lovely bright environment and outstanding OFSTED. She loved it and it was probably worthy of the report but I never felt comfortable there. I wasnt part of the in crowd and the owners looked through me when I went to pick her up, all false nicey nicey and friends felt the same way. Said nursery is now £31 for a 3 hour session so my friend who has a LO the same age as mine and I decided to vote with our feet.

This week my youngest started at the local preschool. It is a little bit shabby and a little bit less shiny but it is absolutely lovely and my DS is already racing in there in the mornings. It isn't the nursery school of choice and lots of local parents have been barely able to hide their distain that my DS is going there as it is not a MC enclave and there is a wide variety of children from all kinds of backgrounds and nationalities but so far so good. Their OFSTED is good with outstanding features and it is £18 a morning cheaper than the other place.

Go with your gut.

I think sending your baby to nursery is a difficult decision going roun d looking blah blah, if you are comfy with the one you found then go for it, not all is what it seems at these all singing all dancing nurseries IME

My DD's go to a rough round the edges nursery. Their organisation for things like sports days is crap, the kids come home absolutely filthy and the little one covered in food, and there is very little structure on the face of it.

But my dc love it. The staff have all been there for at least 2 years so there is a very low turnover (one member has been there 40 years!) They cuddle and comfort the little ones and let the children outside at the first opportunity. It is a very warm place, and they care about the children. It feels like a playgroup where everyone is having fun. And they only got acceptable from Ofsted. The nursery up the road that got outstanding spoke to me like I was shite when I called them up.

Oh and finally there are children from all sorts of backgrounds there, which I think is good for them.