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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I didn't really deserve that much of an earbashing?

63 replies

theflyingfuck · 06/09/2012 10:11

I had a friend of DD (age 5) round a couple of days ago. I own two horses and DD has been going to see to them with me at least once a day since being born (well trained ). So when friend comes round I asked her if she would like to come with us, if she didn't want to go she could stay with DD at my GM's. She said yes and off we went to do the horses together.
I was firm with her about not leaving my side whilst in the paaddock and the rules of patting the horses, the girls started to mess around so sent them to play in a field that was being rested about 10 meters from where I was (DD does this all the time under close watch). The freind was really in to the horses so I said I would bring them in and we could groom them together, again under very close supervision. I then took the girls for a walk while I lead a horse out, with no rider, as it was a nice day and didn't think it fair letting one child ride but not the other as I hadn't asked permission from the mum.
DD's friend was buzzing when she got back to her mum, her mum was like and asked me how I could have been stupid enough to have let her DD near "dangerous wild animals" and that it "unbelievable" I should think this was appropriate entertainment for such small children and I needed to "grow up"
FYI she knew we see our horses everyday and have offered several times to take her DD for a ride and she was positive about it. I have also owned these horses from being babies in my teens and one now one is "vintage" and her and DD have an amazing bond as she is a foal substitute for her and is very protective of her. Other one is mature and extremely freindly.

freind really enjoyed herself and was allowed to have fun without mother pfbing all over. AIBU to think she was OTT?

OP posts:

SugarBatty · 06/09/2012 10:24

Could her dd have told her a fib or two and said she rode it side saddle whilst it show jumped! If not she is odd!

adeucalione · 06/09/2012 10:26

No you didn't deserve an ear bashing, you deserved an appreciative 'thank you' for giving her DD such a lovely experience. I wonder whether her DD misrepresented something she had done, so that it sounded dangerous? I don't know, she sounds like a loon.

UmmOfUmbridge · 06/09/2012 10:26

YADNBU!
You sound lovely and she sounds unstable overprotective.

What did you say to her?

AvonCallingBarksdale · 06/09/2012 10:27

YANBU, can my DCs come round to yours - they'd love it!

TheGoldenKnid · 06/09/2012 10:27

Does she also make her DD wash her hands everytime she touches grass like my SIL and BIL?

Quip · 06/09/2012 10:31

This is tricky - she was being OTT and you definitely didn't deserve an ear bashing.

BUT, I think it would have been better to have let her know that you'd be takin her DD near horses. I like horses, and rode as a child but DH has a thing about the danger from them (and to be fair, they can kick / trample / toss riders onto their heads) and DH would certainly have had a similar reaction to this woman. Not that it's right to freak out or go OTT but I can see both sides.

So YABU a bit for not to have let the mother know first (I think she's upset because she didn't have a chance to say no, IYSWIM).

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 06/09/2012 10:31

I have ponies. Tbh, I'd actually be a little annoyed too. A horse is considerably larger than a 5yo. I know that you know your horse inside out, as I do mine, but no child enters the paddock without a hat and with their parents consent. Full stop. It's good that the child didn't leave your side, but this is a big animal. Accidents happen. We have a 6yo coming to ride one of ours. He and his mum had accompanied me to meet the beasts. I had a firm hold on his hand. The only horse in the field said an affectionate hello, and allowed his leg to be stroked. only but 6yo could reach the horse spotted a friend and started to walk off. Directly over the 6yo, who was underneath his head to the side, and out of the horses line of vision. If I hadn't had a hold on the boy and yanked him out of the way, he would have been trampled, by the biggest dope on a rope you'll ever meet.
I can understand that the mother was a little upset. Tbh I'd have wanted to be there if I was her.

Original poster

theflyingfuck · 06/09/2012 10:33

The mum is a bit restrictive, if she comes round with her DD she will keep checking on them both every couple of minutes and leaving me sat there with a coffee while she trails after them round my house. My DD has said she finds it a bit odd. Though it has occured to me maybe she had a shetland pony in mind rather than my bigger ponies, though both still ponies. The older one is just below 5ft to her shoulder, maybe that was it? Though that would be sill because my DD rides her without a leader and feels like a chapion doing so though it was the smaller 13.1 one she liked the best and groomed them both

OP posts:

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 06/09/2012 10:34

Given that I saw my adult dh have a horrendous fall from a horse that was previously "solid as a rock", I am now much more wary of horses in general. So if DS was visiting someone, I think I would have appreciated a text beforehand to say something like "am going to visit the horses, are you ok if ds comes along to see them, no riding?" then I could feel I just had a bit more input and awareness in the situation? (btw, if I knew you and your horses I'm sure I would say yes)

Do you think it was because she had no idea this was happening, that she was thinking her dd was just at your house, that she flipped out?

But the "dangerous wild animals" and the "getting dirty" bit is def OTT.a

slartybartfast · 06/09/2012 10:35

u wouldnt have the child back, seriously, not worth the hassle. sadly the child sounds fine it is just her mother.

TheGoldenKnid · 06/09/2012 10:37

Actually, one thing to consider in future is that a child may have an allergy to horses. One of my daughter's friends needs to take an antihistamine before they go to see her pony, otherwise she comes out in a rash.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 06/09/2012 10:38

Under 5ft at the shoulder is still huge to a 3ft 5yo. Thats the equivalent, scaled up, of me with the Suffolk Punches I used to work with. I've been trodden on, kicked, knocked over and concussed. And equines are far more dangerous on the ground than when you are riding them. You should have asked the mother.

slartybartfast · 06/09/2012 10:39

in future perhaps you could ask when you have children over. to save a further earbashing.

SaraBellumHertz · 06/09/2012 10:40

The dangerous wild animal thing is crazy but TBH I think YBU letting them near the horses without a hat.

I expect my DC to wear their hats when they're on the yard, no matter what. It is a good habit to get them into and I'd be cross if they were grooming any horse without a hat.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 06/09/2012 10:43

Oh, and the dangerous wild animal thing is daft.
They are dangerous, but definitely not wild.

RuleBritannia · 06/09/2012 10:43

I have every sympathy for the OP but there is another way of looking at the nervous protectve mother's point of view.

We hear about dog walkers with gnashing rottweilers West Highland terriers that bounce up to a child. After he/she hasn't picked up it's dog poo, the dog walker says, "He's lovely. He never hurts anyone." They know their dogs but there might be something about the small child looking at it that it doesn't like so is not friendly to it.

Keep going with the protected child. Perhaps even have the mother over to meet see the horse.

Original poster

theflyingfuck · 06/09/2012 10:49

I can see now it was a bit of a mistake taking her without taking the mum first, especially as she seems a little bit obsessed about safety, I would like to take her DD again as she is a nice kid but I can see that there might be a problem, though I do enjoy seeing her getting to be a bit more free range and able to experience more though I do remember fondly letting my DD take a bridle to show and tell and the mother being disgusted that I let her bring somthing so dirty that the other children would want to touch, DD was a bit upset that the mother wasn't impressed when she showed her the bridle

OP posts:

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 06/09/2012 11:02

Maybe you should have cleaned it first?!

WelshMaenad · 06/09/2012 11:11

She'd have had a shit fit over my upbringing, then, I spent pretty much every day of my preschool years mucking about with horses. We have most excellent pictures of toddler me perching atop a 17.2hh Hanovarian Warmblood.

She is being a PFB nutter, ignore.

Hotcoffeeisamemory · 06/09/2012 11:14

Dangerous wild animal. Ha ha.

Now if you were a lion tamer I would understand her concerns.

As it is, she is a loon!

Original poster

theflyingfuck · 06/09/2012 11:14

My DD HAD cleaned it! I was watching but that usually means it comes out dirtier than it started I feel really proud about her being so into it I will usually re clean it after she is in bed so she doesn't see

OP posts:

quirrelquarrel · 06/09/2012 11:18

Nothing useful to add, but I really liked this bit of your OP:

" DD have an amazing bond as she is a foal substitute for her and is very protective of her. Other one is mature and extremely freindly"

So sweet :-)

mumtomoley · 06/09/2012 11:27

I think she was OTT to be angry about and it sounds like great fun! My Aunt used to run a stables and she used to let me muck out the horses (on my own) from a little older than that 6-7? Which would not have been a sensible thing to do! (she also used to let me chop wood though.)

I guess all parents have different assessments of risk, as evidenced by the responses on this thread but accidents can happen in so many different circumstances this doesn't seem any more dangerous that taking them on other outings.

salemsparklys · 06/09/2012 12:41

We take DD1 & DD2's friends to the yard all the time and they groom/mess around with our horses,think the reaction you go was way OTT.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 06/09/2012 15:37

The difference is though, these were your Dcs, your aunts horses, your parents had made the choice to put you in these potentially dangerous situations. this parent didn't make that choice. Like I said, I have horses, but I'd still want to make that dcision for myself.

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