Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Would it BU to leave DS alone in the bath briefly?

85 replies

GingerPCatt · 06/09/2012 08:29

I haven't done this I just want opinions

Due to a change at DHs work I'll be alone at night to get DS dinner bath and bed. He's 15 mo and loves having a bath. WIBU to leave him alone for a couple of minutes to tidy the kitchen ect? He's very physically capable and I only fill the bath a few inches. He's my PFB and I'm not sure when people start leaving kids alone in the bath. I don't think he'd like it if I'm still watching him in the bath when he's 15 :-)

OP posts:

Themumsnot · 06/09/2012 10:33

You know, I always thought of Mumsnet as a place where parents should be able to feel comfortable about asking for advice. The OP has had lots of good advice on this thread, which she has happily accepted and taken on board. She is obviously a lot more goodnatured than I am, because the tone of some of the posters would have really upset me. Suggesting that she should't have to ask and implying that any half-decent parent would know the answer without having to is really not helpful unless the poster's intent is to put people off posting for advice ever. I am sure there are perfect parents out there who never doubt themselves and always know the right thing to do in any circumstances, but the rest of us have moments of doubt from time to time. If you can't feel free to check your instincts on here without being made to feel like a crap parent than that really is saying something about Mumsnet these days.

minibmw2010 · 06/09/2012 10:36

Hugely unreasonable !! I have a 15 mo DS and I would never ever leave him in the bath, mainly because he's become so adventerous and tries to climb out, slips and falls over (even with a bath mat) or just gets so excited he's not concentrating. We've had a few smacked chins on the side of the bath or a knock on his little head when he's been too quick and slippery for me to catch, I dread to think of what would happen if I was even at the other side of the room, let alone in the kitchen. Cleaning the kitchen can wait !!!

Birdsgottafly · 06/09/2012 10:38

I agree themum if you are not getting good positive support in RL, you do doubt yourself.

I wish that MM had of been around with my first, my mum enjoyed my insecurity and loved to use it to affirm that everything i did was wrong, she was on a permanent power trip.

Oakmaiden · 06/09/2012 10:38

8???

My eight year old goes off and runs her own bath and washes herself without even telling me sometimes. First I know is when she calls me to rinse the shampoo out of her hair!

Mind you, I do tend to lie on my bed and read whilst my 7 year old is in the bath, so I can hear him. But he is much more likely to try bouncing around in the tha bath than my daughter (and to drench the floor).

Oakmaiden · 06/09/2012 10:40

OP - I think my little ones were not a lot older than yours when I started to use the time when they were in the bath to clean the bathroom. That way you are getting things done, but there for them, and can chat whilst they are playing in the water....

blisterpack · 06/09/2012 10:43

Yes it is definitely a no-no.

bubalou · 06/09/2012 10:43

My DS is 4 and I sit in my office whilst he is in the bath.

My office is 2 metres down the hall straight in front of the bathroom so I have a clear view and it takes 3 steps to get to him.

IMO 15months is far too little to be left alone doing anything but sleeping in their cot, let alone in the bath.

Tidy the kitchen before u give little 1 a bath.

Taxicat · 06/09/2012 10:44

Simple answer to this, "Not on your nelly". 30 seconds very quickly becomes longer if cant find a nappy etc. Just dont do it, you'll never forgive yourself if something happens

Socknickingpixie · 06/09/2012 10:44

my nt children used to love playing in the bath with the smaller kids but wouldnt have been comfortable being 'responsable' for them so with supervision they all did this untill about 10/11 ish bugger all wrong with an 8yo sharing a bath with younger siblings under parental supervision.

good call deciding not to leave him unattended op, i wouldnt and imhe anybody who actually would or does with a under 4 is either stupid or neglectfull or both.

this thread just reminded me 5 years ago i pulled a person out of a bath after he slid under the water it was fluke that i saw him. he WAS 45 in all fairness i should have let him drown because hes a horrible excuse for a human being he was also drunk.

BegoniaBigtoes · 06/09/2012 10:44

I think 15 months is too little as he could easily slip over, but from 2-ish I started doing little jobs nearby - eg pop into next room to put away washing. I still wouldn't like to go far enough away that I couldn't hear them though. I tell them to splash about and sing, so I know they're OK.

LadyInDisguise · 06/09/2012 10:58

I started to leave my dcs alone in the bath when I thought they were confident enough in water ie when I knew by experience from the swimming pool that if they were under water, they were OK to take their heads out, wouldn't freak out etc...
That means they were probably between 2 and 3yo.

But I also have 2 dcs who were quite 'serious' and unlikely to do crazy things. If they had not been like this, I would probably have been more careful.

@Sock: my dcs would never accept me to be there when they have a bath at 8yo, let alone at 10~11yo. They quite often do not want to have a bath together either and tell me they don't want me to see them naked (that's school effect). They certainly would find me being in the bathroom very overbearing.

sieglinde · 06/09/2012 11:01

Let me join the chorus. DON'T do it. A small child with its head underwater can aspirate the water in under ten seconds. Why not sit him in his chair to watch you do the clearup, and then do bathtime?

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 06/09/2012 11:02

themumsnot you are so right about advice on here.

Op glad you are taking the advice on board I would say never leave him alone in the bath until around age 5. I stayed with DS ALL the time he was in the bath until very recently, he is now 6 (and is at the level of a 8 year old average swimmer) and I will now pop in and out sometimes, but always on the same floor of the house so I can hear him.

Quite often I will just sit with him while he is in the bath, but that's cos sometimes he likes to chat and I actually find out what's been going on at school etc more than other times, I think the warm water relaxes him and he gets more reflective than usual! It's a nice time for both of us after a long day.

OP if you want to scare yourself (or your dh) just google "dry drowning" it explains how young kids may slip under the water, swallow lots, come up and seem fine, but then their lungs are damaged by the water intake and in a few hours it can be fatal. If you are not with him to catch him and are not aware he has swallowed water, you won't know the signs to look out for. A delay in seeking treatment for DDrown can be the difference between life and death - I know, years ago, a small boy left unsupervised in our local pool for a few minutes did very sadly lose his life that night his mum has been vocal for years now about making parents aware of the dangers (brave lady).
As I said, it is very scary, but worth being aware.

pigletmania · 06/09/2012 11:05

Yes he is only 15 months. I would never leave a child that young alone especially to tidy the kitchen. I do leave my 5.5 year old but I am upstairrs

dashoflime · 06/09/2012 11:16

Dont do it!

WildWorld2004 · 06/09/2012 11:19

Iv only jus started leaving my 8 year old in the shower & even then its only for a minute or two. Wouldnt leave her in the bath alone.

gobbledegook1 · 06/09/2012 11:22

Wow I must be a terrible mum, I started leaving my DS for short stints at about 2.5, he's 3.5 now and baths by himself, I usually pop in a few minutes before he's due to get out just to help him wash his hair and check he's washed properly and then help him out. He hates being watched and tells you to go away. He knows not to touch the taps and makes that much noise chatting and singing etc that I can easily hear that he's ok.

I do agree that 15 months is too young though.

FunnysInLaJardin · 06/09/2012 11:24

Brilliant typo there by Bertie.

I wouldn't do it at 15 months although do leave DS2 who is 2.7. Mind you he gets in and out on his own too

jammydoger · 06/09/2012 12:48

A family friend's DH left their DS 13 months old in the bath for 5 minutes or so whilst supervising their DD 4 & DS 6 with their PJs. He drowned. This was 2 months ago. Incredibly sad for all involved...

Personally I wouldn't leave a child under 5 unsupervised in a bath.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 06/09/2012 12:58

Oh jammydoger that is so so sad. So sorry for your friends, how terrible must the DH feel, such guilt on top of grief? Hideous, for all concerned.

Yorkpud · 06/09/2012 13:00

No, never do it. It is not worth the risk.

Kewcumber · 06/09/2012 13:02

15 months?

Drowning (contrary to popular opinion) is a silent act. How many breaths of water do you think it would take for a baby (15 months is still a baby!) to drown?

I leave my 6 year old in the bath on his own regularly but I am in the bedroom next door and if I cant hear him I go in or call out.

Kewcumber · 06/09/2012 13:04

It can take as little as 20 secs for a child to drown and they can't call out whilst they're breathing in water.

ScruffyBugger · 06/09/2012 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Socknickingpixie · 06/09/2012 13:15

ladyin i most certainly didnt mean that it was ok at that age if the child in question wasnt perfectly happy with the suituation, lots of households have very relaxed views about being nude in your own home and as a result tend to have kids that wouldnt even notice it. obviously if your children at a reasonable age to not require supervision in the bath were unhappy about being seen nude, then there is also apsolutly nothing wrong with that either.

however at risk of being very judgy im shocked very shocked that anybody thinks its ok to leave a under 3 in a bath without supervision how ever well they behave or swim. (at 4 possibly but its subjective) but under 3 is stupidity in the extream, sorry but if you leave a 2yo in the bath unattended and they drown i would be highly surprised if any proffessional or police officer involved in any investigation wouldnt be "s/he is only 2/3 what were you thinking" i know its not the done thing to say but it would with out a doubt be your fault and you would have caused the problem by your lack of care.

Flip

1 2 3 4