To be furious with DM

[AvengingAngel]

My DM took my DS (20 months) out for the afternoon. My DH went out to meet DM and DS at the gate when she brought him back. She was walking about two steps ahead of DS on the pavement and was not holding his hand, whilst he followed her. She was also looking around saying hello to our next door neighbour.

We live next to a road which is not particularly busy, but it has through traffic and people drive very fast down it. After speaking to her, she said we shouldn't worry as she was "in control".

I throw myself at the mercy of AIBU as I am bloody fuming!

I would be livid, because DD (also 20 months) is a bolter. However, is yours adn does DM know?

Yes, he is. He's also obsessed with cars and wants to touch all of them! DM well knows this!

Agree it would depend on child - mine were always fine when friends with me would be panicking

I wouldn't be happy with this at all.

She was walking ahead of him
she wasn't looking at him
she was talking to a neighbour.

He's 20 months old, he could have bolted into the road!

I had (have) a bolter, maybe that's why I felt terror reading this.

I know! I feel sick just thinking about it! I didn't want to be too emotional in OP as I wanted rational feedback!

Does your DS usually make a dash for the road? I ask because my DS never even looked like he was going to walk near a road, not even at 20 months and still now at 8 is health and safety mad. However my dd at nearly 5 can't be trusted not to just wander into the road.

Avenging have you stolen DD? All I get is "car!" stroke, stroke, tries door handle "car!" stroke, stroke, tries door handle "car!" stroke, stroke, tries door handle "car!" stroke, stroke, tries door handle. All the way down the road.

I think you need to scare DM a bit.

I can't say he usually does, as we always have him on a harness and hold hands. He has however, tried to pull away a couple of times to go and touch cars parked on the road. But no, he's never physically run into the road.

OMG! 19mo DS3 is a bolter (my first in 4 DC's). This would induce a heart attack followed swiftly by addled rage at my DS3 being put in such a dangerous situation!

YADNBU!

But maybe she doesn't realise the risks involved with a bolting toddler - if you haven't had a bolter before, it can be quite a shock to the system! Needed about 40 cups of tea yesterday when DS3 climbed out of a shopping laden pram in the middle of the road, and bolted DOWN the road at amazing speed, almost getting squished.

Lol MrsT. I'm surprised my one hasn't set off a car alarm so far!

She also riffles through handbags. I have raised a criminal.

You see, My DD2 goes into the road to get to her door in the car, and she has bolted down pavements, and accross parks, but she has never bolted into the road.

DD1 never even looked likely to go into a road, so if this was my DM she woud have been fine.

Actually one of the things I have learned over time is that my mother usually has a decent idea of how things are going. A child who has just come back from a walk and is a bit worn out might not be in the mood for bolting in the way that one who was just on the way out would.

I'd be really cross as well, even if your child is not traditionally a bolter you never know, and she can't see whats going on behind her and whilst she engrossed in conversation.

well if i were you chances are my head would be exploding now so yadnbu

Agree with Sunday you never know, I've never had a bolter but at that age I wouldn't trust them not to see something across the road and make a run for it.

|Thanks for the replies. I feel vindicated about my fury now! My DM does make me feel like I'm being very precious about how I raise my babies, but it's good to know others agree with me on this!

After this thread, wondering if I was being PFB, I let DD out of the car on a very quiet road and watched her. Yep, looked at me, big cheeky grin, straight into the road. Some of them will!

YANBU :)

All 3 of mine bolted/bolt.

Its a whole new way of parenting.

I was just saying to DH, why have we never had a leg clinger?

I just don't see why she wouldn't hold his hand. I assume she quite likes him, and wanted to spend time with him, so why ignore him. I see my DS every day, but I still love walking along holding his hand and chatting. What's to lose?

YANBU at all

This is mental. Your mum was TWO STEPS behind him?? What is he, the Olympic Infant? Even if he were to "bolt" after a car, presumably she would be quite a lot faster than a 2 year old and catch him straightaway?

If you are this over-protective, you probably shouldn't allow D out of the buggy, ever, and make sure your DM understand the rules. Or, trust in her ability to care for her grandchild whilst also saying hello to neighbours and walking down the road. YABVU.

Ariadne - i believe the OP's DM was two steps IN FRONT of him so wouldn't have seen him make a run for it!

Ariadne, the OP's mum was 2 steps infront, not behind, and not even looking! So if the DS bolted then it would probably be too late by the time she saw and could run after him.

YANBU at all. I would not be happy with this either when so little.

No, YANBU.
Totally understandable, to be protective over your little one.

I don't know about your kids Ariadne78 but my DD can bolt lighting fast. If there was 2 steps of pavement, she could get into the road that quickly. I have reins.