To be furious with DM

[AvengingAngel]

My DM took my DS (20 months) out for the afternoon. My DH went out to meet DM and DS at the gate when she brought him back. She was walking about two steps ahead of DS on the pavement and was not holding his hand, whilst he followed her. She was also looking around saying hello to our next door neighbour.

We live next to a road which is not particularly busy, but it has through traffic and people drive very fast down it. After speaking to her, she said we shouldn't worry as she was "in control".

I throw myself at the mercy of AIBU as I am bloody fuming!

My kids (now 8 and 10) were both keen escapologists and dashed off at any opportunity. But as an adult I was always able to outpace the crafty little infants. Sometimes I also managed to avert disaster mid-conversation, transferring my attention from the pleasantries to the immediate need to prevent an accident. I thought this was just a normal part of caring for a child whilst going about daily life, but I'm wondering now if perhaps I might have super powers.

Nothing wrong with being careful and attentive, but being "furious" with your own mum for not holding onto her grandchild while saying hello in the street seems like a massive over-reaction to me. But I am in the minority.

Maybe you're just fitter than me

I would have been cross but maybe not "furious" - well no more furious than I am with people who say "oh my child would never do that".

All children have the potential to bolt at any given time. Just because they don't, doesn't mean they won't.

make sure she has reins on him next time!

Also I think most people are on a sticky wicket trying to tell their own DMs how to care for the DGCs. My DM looks after my 2 after school now (for payment) and just disregards everything I ask her to do and does whatever the F she likes instead, e.g. I would not let DS go to the village shop ((half a mile away) with his friends and no adult when he was 9, told DM this but found out after a while that for weeks she'd been letting him, and then had no idea where he was afterwards if he stopped by a friend's house on his way back. Raise anything like this as an issue and get the "well we managed alright with you, I wonder how you survived!" etc etc. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and bite your lip if you want the help.

exactly why i would never use a gp for childcare.

Um. I am GM.

Any child of 20 months could dash into the road - they don't have to be a 'bolter'. They just need to have seen something interesting. And if they're behind you then you don't have a clue and you won't have time to catch them.
I would say I am more paranoid about watching my DGC than my DCs are.

And if my DC ask me to look after the DGC in a particular way, then on the whole, that's what I do.
Ariadne if you are paying your mum and she's ignoring you then you should look for alternative childcare.

Sounds like my MIL, I would be furious too. YANBU

Unfortunately 3 years ago a mother was doing exactly that near here and the child went into the road and was killed by a double decker bus. I hate it when I see it now and always comment much to the disgust of whoever is meant to be supervising the child but better they are mad at me than lose a child!

I've had a Bolter. Ariadne, they're just as likey to turn and bolt in the opposite direction, in which case OP's idiot mother wouldn't nhave seen him streak past.

I think you should all keep your children in buggies or on reins at all times then.

DD1 isn't a "boltsr" onto roads as she has been instilled with the fear of being squished, didn't stop her one day when I was focusing on DD2s pram (newborn v tired) from running into the road as she saw her friend on the other pavement and narrowly avoiding a car.

You do not know you cannot expect a toddler to make good choices.

Ariadne I do not think that you should bite your tongue with anyone where the safety of your child is concerned, about the odd sweet or too much tv then meh but not safety, this is a running battle with my mil.

I'm with Ariadne78.

I had 3 children in 18 months (including twins, obvs). You can't hold the hands of 3 children at once. Unfortunately I also don't have eyes in the back of my head. The youngest was out of a pram by 2 years. What was I meant to do? Never travel anywhere on foot?

Seriously. The child's safety was not in danger. That's the point. Reality check!

OP says it was a quiet road, so surely if a car was coming, the grandmother would have heard it, and checked on the child.

Bikes (much quieter) can hurt a small toddler.

bragmatic - ever thought of reins?

I do think all of you who thinks the OP is being PFB should just count your lucky stars that your children have been biddable and you've never had a scare.

Don't criticise those who think watching a 20-month old when out on pavements is just normal common-sense, not helicoptering.

hmmm, I have a 20 month old and I allow him to walk behind me and in front of me in my street which is a dead end but has traffic coming down. Perhaps I am a bad mother? I am aware of where he is and he's not a bolter to be honest. I guess it depends on the child and the person looking after him but maybe you are being a little over the top.

nannyogg thats exactly why im trying to fool you into disclosing your location so i can nannynap you and adopt you